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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not want a massive party to celebrate my 40th?

53 replies

lottielou39 · 08/04/2012 10:34

Lots of people I know have recently, through the power of Facebook, posted hundreds of photos of 40th birthday bashes with giant 3 tiered cakes, hired bands, 100 of their closest mates, followed by photos of their weekend spa trip to Milan, then photos of the fifteen nights out they had in celebration. I don't want a 40th party. Am I weird or AIBU?

OP posts:

daenerysstormborn · 08/04/2012 10:38

not at all weird. i didn't have or want a big party for my 40th. me & dh had a night/day away without the kids, and me & my mum went for a spa day together, all very low key compared to friends 40th do's. just do what you want, don't feel pushed into anything.

mardyelsie · 08/04/2012 10:40

YANBU. I didn't do anything for my 40th. Mind you, I was 8 months pregnant at the time!

learningtofly · 08/04/2012 10:44

My dh doesn't do big parties either - he hates being the centre of attention.

For his 40th we got all our friends together and just went to our local pub, watched the rugby and had some drinks. There was food and a cake and some money behind the bar but all very low key. And he had a smashing time. Best non party ever.

CrystalMaize · 08/04/2012 10:50

Don't blame you. Landmark birthday parties get blown up out of all proportion like many other events. IME it seems to be about the guests, not the birthday person!

[bugrin]

maybenow · 08/04/2012 10:52

do you not want to do anything?
in my circle of friends it's a great opportunity to get people together, people will make an effort for it in their busy lives - we went away for a weeekend to a hoseasons cabins type place for my DH and his best friend's 40ths and it was great... picnics and hanging out with the kids in the daytime, a meal in the evening, we don't all get together so much these days now everybody has kids.

deliciousdevilwoman · 08/04/2012 10:54

My idea of hell would be a surprise party of any description so UANBU! My DH took me to Capri for 5 days for my 40th. It was fab.

Sparklingbunnyears · 08/04/2012 10:59

DH and I went down to London to see a show and a night in a posh hotel for our 40th.

Parties

mumofthemonsters808 · 08/04/2012 11:02

I did not have a party for my 40th but my BF did because she loves being the centre of attention and is a party animal. But I did have a fabulous birthday and was very spoiled (Bob Dylan tickets, posh meal, weekend away,heart locket).Please do something special, or even memorable, in this life there are not that may occassions to celebrate so make the most of it.Forty has such a positive stance, now my 50th I don't think I'll bother getting up that day.

accountantsrule · 08/04/2012 11:02

YANBU, it is your 40th so you should do as you please.

Although, I have a small group of friends who I met through our first time mums group and we have always celebrated big birthdays together even if it just the birthday girl inviting everyone round for a takeaway and wine, this year one of the group turned 40 and we were 100% sure if it was her 40th this year or next so we discover on FB that it was this year and she hadn't included us in any celebrations at all.

We were all a bit hurt however I guess we have to respect her wishes - we wouldn't have had a massive party or anything but just something would have been nice.

Actually, she may not really like us?!

Kladdkaka · 08/04/2012 11:04

Mine is in 4 days . Will just slip by like any other day.

jubilee10 · 08/04/2012 11:04

My friend organised a big surprise 60th birthday party for her dh. I was a bit as he is not a party person. He twigged something was going on as he approached the house and wouldn't come in. When he did he wouldn't speak to her for the rest of the night. Some party

McHappyPants2012 · 08/04/2012 11:11

Your birthday it is up to you, but if someone has already booked and paid for a party then what will you do

Hulababy · 08/04/2012 11:18

I am 40 next year, as is DH. We did consider a party but have decided against it now for many reasons. We have both chosen treats for ourselves instead.

My birthday is February and in the Easter we plan to do a 10 day trip to South Africa - my choice.

DH is 40 in the July. He was considering getting himself a new watch - he likes his watches - but has changed his mind and is now looking at an October trip for us all to Hong Kong.

For both trips we will both go, along with DD (who has just turned 10y).

DPrince · 08/04/2012 11:25

Yanbu. I posted the same last night about my 30th. I have a few small things planned (family meal at mums etc) not fussed about anything big.

MargueritaaPracatan · 08/04/2012 11:27

I'm not bovvered either. It's not da law is it?!

Sparklingbrook · 08/04/2012 11:28

Yes you have to have one of those cringey dos at the local social club with a DJ and sausage rolls. It's da law.

Ilovedaintynuts · 08/04/2012 11:32

I'm 40 in a couple of weeks and feel the same. The only thing that's making me 2nd guess my decision is bloomin' Facebook. All the other people having huge parties make me feel a bit like a loser

snozzlemaid · 08/04/2012 11:39

I hate parties too and had my 40th in February. Dp, me and dcs went to London for a few days.
I wanted to make sure I was well out of the way in case anyone decided I needed a party!
My dm did mention after that she had thought about organising a surprise one for me. I can't think of anything worse!

CrystalMaize · 08/04/2012 11:44

sparkling

Chubfuddler · 08/04/2012 11:45

Not weird. Dh is 40 next year and has already said no party thank you, weekend away with me and Dcs much preferred.

deliciousdevilwoman · 08/04/2012 11:56

How lovely Hulababy! We did similar-Capri for my 40th in May and 10 days' in S.America for DH's 50th in August

scurryfunge · 08/04/2012 11:59

I didn't want a party either. We went to India instead with friends. I hate the idea of a big party.

Original poster

lottielou39 · 08/04/2012 12:11

I think I'm going to have to take an enforced break from Facebook. If it's not a gazillion photos of massive no expense spared coming of age parties, it's all those nights out of friends where someone takes a camera (why?) and uploads 110 photos when they return of them with 25 of their closest friends in different drunken poses. On the rare occasions I go out for a night on the razz, I never take a camera.. cos it gets in the way.

OP posts:

ohyouBadBadkitten · 08/04/2012 12:28

I have friends on fb who post the same kind of thing. Ginormous multiple parties. Part of me feels a bit that they seem to have so many friends, but when I think about it I just have quiet friendships.

For my 40th we did a dream holiday early in the year. On the day dh, dd and I went for a nice walk and had a lovely meal. Ideal for me.

marriedinwhite · 08/04/2012 12:35

We aren't big party people either and had very low key occasions for our 40ths and my 50th and will be on a lovely family holiday for dh's. Oddly what DH really wants a big party for is our 25th wedding anniversary on the basis that we can both celebrate it together.

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