Thinking about something my ex used to say - horrible isn't it?

[ChickenSkin]

I just mentioned this on another thread but it's got me thinking about it. I've never mentioned it to anyone before incase I was being too sensitive but tell me what you'd think in this situation.

You're sat watching the news and a story comes on about a woman being raped. Your partner then says something along the lines of "oh I'd hate it if that happened to you, would be horrible knowing another man had been all over you".

He didn't see anything wrong with what he'd said. What I interpreted this as was "I'm not that bothered about YOU but I'd be pissed off if some other bloke got to have sex with you".

Like I say, I've never mentioned it before but it does stick in my head. He had aspergers traits which could explain it but he also had a lot of arsehole traits which probably explain it better.

I've hidden it, but I was looking for someone else and their name popped up on that thread. And what with my particular interest, I noticed the word Asperger's and it was all downhill from that point. I don't even remember how old the thread was.

Why is it that when its a child with special needs you're all accomodating and forgiving, but when he turns into an adult he's suddenly vile and disgusting?

I get what you're saying Dust. It's horrible to see certain stigmas buikding up around illnesses/conditions. Like the schizophrenia one that Daily Fail readers some people hold where anyone who has a serious MH issue is a potential murderer. This sort of prejuduce needs to be challenged in all its manifestations.

Chicken - your ex sounds really horrible and altho remembering such vile remarks must hurt just pat yourself on the back that you've got rid of such a bad excuse for a human being.

• stigmas stereotypes

Oh, the thread in relationships was today.
I'm shocked at that Emily, you really don't know much about Asperger's
I sliced my hand open whilst making dinner. DS saw the kitchen covered in blood and yelled 'You didn't get any on my food did you? It would be disgusting if you got blood on my dinner, I;d have to throw it away'
No thought of the gallons of blood I was shedding or my pain and shock.
Does that make him a sociopath?
No, and I talked him through what he should have said and how he should have reacted once I'd grabbed a towel and he'd followed instructions to get the medival kit and help me.

The worst thing about having a child with an additional need is other people.

there appears to be a spate of threads in relationships that are bashing people with autistic spectrum disorders lately with lots of posters lining up to take a pop.

i agree with mickey

"Why is it that when its a child with special needs you're all accomodating and forgiving, but when he turns into an adult he's suddenly vile and disgusting?"

My son is not unkind, in fact he is generous to a fault and is quite the good samaritan, but has on occasion said something which sounds unkind and has had to have it explained as to why it sounds unfeeling - simply because is an issue that comes with theory of mind

i think i will adopt the same policy as dust because according to people on this thread having AS makes a man a rapist, and all the other things people appear to associate with AS and as i am the mother of one of those it saddens me that he is thought of in this way. My DS is 20 and has a diagnosis, not by some armchair psychologist but by a world authority on the condition, and quite noticeably lacking in his 33 page DX is the word rapist.

My ex said he would leave me if I was ever raped as I'd probably asked for it.
He also said I'd probably loved to be raped.

He then went on to rape me but could not see it as that as I was his possession.

It's scary how many women have experienced this

My husband has AS. He would not say something like that.
My son has AS. We do what Dust is doing. Teach him.

It's too bloody convenient these days to say 'Aspie traits' in a dismissive fashion and it pisses me off!
rant over, sorry

absolutely agree Vicar and Dawndonna--exactly same thought was going through my mind

It would take time to have sex with you again knowing that you had been with someone else

Ugh! He says that like it's a choice you would have made!

Well rid!

"the worst thing about having a child with additional needs is other people"

too bloody right.

the OP states -
"He had aspergers traits which could explain it but he also had a lot of arsehole traits which probably explain it better"

what else could she mean by having "aspergers traits which could explain it"? Why even mention the aspergers traits if she thinks it has nothing to do with his comment?

sometimes, people with AS fail to recognise how a statement will make someone else feel until it is explained to them, it is simply a diagnostic trait of autism called lacking theory of mind

link here if anyone wants to understand

the OPs ex could have been on the spectrum.
or could have been a first class arse.

but either way, im getting fed up reading on the relationship boards reading how people with AS, diagnosed, or diagnosed by amatuer psychologists, are portrayed.

Emily I find it deeply ironic that someone who can flippantly call someone a racist is speaking against people "bandying things about."

yes its destructive to have people bandying terms about who are ignorant of what this means.

i live with DS, who is 20 and has a diagnosis which is why i find your comments deeply offensive.
what is your understanding of living with someone with AS?

*rapist.

that is to emily btw.

massive generalisations coupled with speculation not based in fact is in my book the very essence of "bandying things about".