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AIBU?

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Original poster

I'm assuming HE'S being unreasonable?? Shouting at me because of a disability??

81 replies

MrsCostner · 07/04/2012 14:29

I have a stutter, always have and it's been a pain in my arse since I started talking. My mum used to get irritated by it, family members used to mimic me, I got bullied at school because of it and have fucked up many job interviews with it. But I can't do anything about it.
This morning I called DH to tell him his car was ready at the garage. I have a migraine and am feeling a bit stressed out and stuttered pretty much every word about 6 times. Suddenly he blurted out "for fucks sake, just tell me the basics, I have stuff to be getting on with". How nasty is that?? So I basically told him "car is ready at garage" and stuttered throughout, mainly because he'd stressed me out further and made me more aware of it. I heard him mutter "jesus christ, finally" when I'd finished. I started to tell him he had upset me, had a massive attack of the stutters and he shouted "just shut up!" and turned off his phone!!!

That was this morning. At 1pm he came in and said he didn't want me calling him at work anymore as it was frustrating listening to me "blabber on" and he couldn't be doing with it. I told him he had really upset me this morning and he went ballistic and shouted at me that I should get something done about it because it drives him insane. He said I embarrassed him at the garage because it took me "years" to tell the guy what car I wanted, he said he hates going to lunch with me because other people look across at us when I talk and he hates me going out with his friends because I "can't even talk properly". This came out of the blue, I have seen him getting annoyed with me before (much in the same way as my mother used to) but he's never actually said anything before.

I said to him if I'm so embarassing and annoying maybe he should leave. I was upset so stutter was terrible and he blew his top and stormed over to me and yelled in my face "shut up, just shut up".

Like I say this is the first time this has ever come to light and is probably the first major row we've ever had. I'm upset for a number of reasons, one being I can't believe this thing has ruined a marriage now. I feel if I annoy him that much he can't love me???

OP posts:
Want2bSupermum · 07/04/2012 16:14

Reading your post, his actions are totally unacceptable. If this is the first time he has been like this with you then you need to stand firm and demand an apology. He needs to know that his behaviour is not going to be tolerated. If it has happened before then you need to think if this is the right person for you. Is there a family member, such as a sibling or your mother and father, you could speak to about this?

If this is the first time I would also consider writing a letter to express how deeply upsetting his behaviour was and that it has made you question everything you thought you knew about HIM. This isn't about you. It is about him.

FWIW, both DH and I prefer not to get phone calls during the day. We communicate using email and I found this to be much more effective. However, DH only once lost his temper with me. I doubt it will happen again. I wrote 'the letter' and told him that I didn't want to think of him as a weak person but that his behaviour left me thinking this.

WandaDoff · 07/04/2012 16:17

What a nasty shitbag.

That would be a dealbreaker for me, I'm afraid.

You deserve better.

fedupworking · 07/04/2012 16:21

What a bastard he sounds, I would get my stutter seen to, then tell him very plainly to fuck right off out of your life

bringbacksideburns · 07/04/2012 16:29

I presume he knows that making you more upset and stressed makes the stutter worse?

Him and your mother should be ashamed of themselves.

What are you going to do? Have you been together a long time.
I feel really bad for you Sad

Noqontrol · 07/04/2012 16:30

What a nasty spiteful little man. How dare he. I don't know whether you can get the stutter sorted or not, but that's irrelevant anyway. This man should love you for who YOU are, he's always known you had a stutter. Really what a jack ass. I'd question yourself as to whether you want to stay with a man who has such little respect for others. He will damage your self confidence beyond belief, and no man is worth that. Big hugs to you xx

giraffecrossing · 07/04/2012 16:50

That's awful OP, so sorry for you that he has treated you like that.

In your post you say you can't do anything about it. I just wanted to let you know (if you don't already) that there are residential programmes for stammerers. My sister had a really bad stammer which really affected her life. She used to pay extra for the bus home every day because she couldn't say the name of the town where she lived, so asked for a ticket to the next town on the route.

Her and the other participants were taught to breathe in a certain manner which in turn helped control their speech. She very rarely stammers now and if she does its never more than one stammer, like b...bed ifkwim. She has even given both her ds names beginning with the letter of that town :o

Maybe you could look into doing something similar, for you, not him. Might give you enough confidence to leave the bastard Wink

MsBrandybuck · 07/04/2012 16:57

So sorry that someone who has promised to love and cherish you has treated you in this abusive way. He is a bully and this would be a deal breaker for me too.

nickelhasababy · 07/04/2012 17:01

you poor thing.

so basically, you were stressed ans stuttered.
he had a go at you, which upset you and made you stutter more, so he yelled at you?

sorry, but he is a total arse and you really should think twice about carrying on with him.

it's akin to him trying to make a wife in a wheelchair walk, then when you couldn't, taking away the chair and yelling at you for falling over.

so sorry :(

nickelhasababy · 07/04/2012 17:03

I agree with what Annie said.
(obv doesn't help over the phone, but you could text him to the same effect)

make a sign, hold it up when he's upset you so you can't get words out.
followed by a conversation about counselling.

pigletmania · 07/04/2012 17:07

That is downright nasty and unacceptable. You would bin a friend like that same goes with a h. It does not matter if he is under stress extra no excuse. Mabey tats how he really feels and it's all come out

EmilyPollifaxInnocentTourist · 07/04/2012 17:10

Oh sweetheart, I am so so sorry. :(

What a truly cruel and vicious thing to say.

I'm not sure what advice to give other than people don't speak to those they love and respect this way. They really don't.

edam · 07/04/2012 17:10

What a nasty, bullying, cruel shitbag he is. There is absolutely NO excuse for this behaviour.

puds11 · 07/04/2012 17:15

What an awful man! You have a stutter, its not like your doing it on purpose, and im sure he knew about it before he married you.
I cant believe he was s rude to you its absolutely despicable!
Are you ok?

Chilenachica · 07/04/2012 17:17

My DDs stutter a little, entirely due to stress. You have my full sympathy, it must feel terrible to be unable to get your words out.

One thing you could do about it is get rid of anyone who makes it worse by shouting and telling you "do something about it"

Did this person know you before you got married? If so he must have noticed that you stutter, and if he didn't have his head so far up his own arse he should have noticed that stress makes it worse

EostreAngelofchocolateeggs · 07/04/2012 17:50

What a vile, cruel, nasty, disrespectful, bullying wanker. You deserve better.

Debeez · 07/04/2012 18:06

This is awful OP. Horrible to say but I've been on the other side, ExDH was a slow talker, long gaps between words, endearing when we met not so much when things started to go wrong. It annoyed me at the most, I never picked on him for it or anything like that. Although there is NO excuse for what he did to you I doubt your speech is the reason for his aggression.

Honestly though, regardless of whether it is actually the way you speak (which I doubt it is) or something else what he has said is downright awful. Kick the bastard into touch.

McHappyPants2012 · 07/04/2012 18:12

I know how you feel, I have a stutter myself and it is so frustrating trying to talk.

Dh has never took the piss out of me, but when I am having a bad day he tells me to stop talking, breathe and take my time.

MadamFolly · 07/04/2012 21:36

What a massive knob.

TotemPole · 07/04/2012 21:46

What a horrible experience for you.

It must be something else with him that has brought this on. As mentioned above, if it bothered him that much it wouldn't have got to the stage of you being married.

carols9995 · 07/04/2012 22:20

I'm so sorry. Annie's post is excellent.

PooPooInMyToes · 07/04/2012 22:48

You poor thing!

Heyyyho · 07/04/2012 22:53

One of the most awful things I have read on mn.

You poor love. So you have a stutter no huge deal for him is it?!!. The nasty bastard.

NunOnTheRun · 07/04/2012 23:14

Angry... You poor thing - I'm just shocked..

CaramelisedOnion · 08/04/2012 02:50

he´s a cunt. an abusive cunt. you know you deserve better.

garlicbunny · 08/04/2012 03:11

My jaw dropped further and further as I read your OP. It takes a lot to leave me open-mouthed. He didn't just lose patience, he charged in there, ripped you to shreds and then came back for a second assault!

This isn't about your stutter, I'm afraid. A single snappy comment would be (and bad enough) but this was a detailed assassination. If you hadn't got a speech impediment, it would have been your dress sense, or too fat/thin, or the way you laugh or something :( Angry

Sooo ... has he always been a nasty bastard, or did it come on suddenly? Have you been noticing other changes in your relationship at all?

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