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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this was rude?

94 replies

Fuzzyblanket · 07/04/2012 13:49

We were at a gallery today when DS (2) started crying. Not full on screaming, not just a winge, but somewhere between the two. We were in a corridor. A member of staff walked past with her fingers pressed rightly over her ears. It wasn't a jokey, wink wink kind of thing, she walked as far away from us as possible and didn't make eye contact. She had her badge, radio etc so I could tell she was staff. I looked at her as she was walking past and she kind of smirked to herself.

For some reason I found this really annoying. AIBU? I know the sound of a child crying can be extremely irritating. But wasn't this reaction pretty rude/unprofessional? Surely it isn't the best idea to work in a child friendly public place if you can't tolerate children crying for 30 seconds? But maybe there is some reason for her behaviour that I'm not aware of...

OP posts:

bunnygirl1976 · 07/04/2012 14:34

The National Gallery does sessions for under 5s where they tell stories around the pictures and the Tate and Tate Modern have art packs for small children. Loads more do similar child friendly / inclusive stuff

They can appreciate art - especially with intiatives like the Nationals.

MickyDodger · 07/04/2012 14:35

The galleries might call themselves child friendly, that doesn't mean that every adult has to be joyous at screaming and whinging toddlers. Bring your child, fine, but don't expect everyone else to be delighted.

WilsonFrickett · 07/04/2012 14:36

I think children in galleries are brilliant, in fact it was seeing this amazing father talking to his pre-schooler about art that first got me misty-eyed about maybe having a baby one day

But to return to the OP, she could have had an earpiece in, she could have sensory issues, your idea of a 'whinge' might be someone elses idea of a full on scream fest. But I think you have to let it go.

winnybella · 07/04/2012 14:44

For the last time, I don't think young children should be forbidden from entering a gallery- just that they are much more likely to make noise and disturb others.

So, if your toddler is a exeptionally well behaved, fine. If she/he is like most 2yos and is prone to tantrums etc, then no, I don't think it's a great idea- it's just not very considerate of other visitors, imo.

winnybella · 07/04/2012 14:45

a exceptionally

Original poster

Fuzzyblanket · 07/04/2012 14:56

Thanks for the replies.

I know it's not a massive deal - I just wanted to check what others thought of it. It was very helpful to hear about the possibility of sensory problems and autism (don't know why I hadn't thought of that), and I can see that I probably was being unreasonable to be annoyed by it.

I don't think she had an earpiece in, but I could be wrong about that too!

Where I would disagree with some posters is on taking young children to galleries - my son actually really enjoyed seeing some of the art (sculptures etc), and wasn't crying out of boredom! I really don't think people should feel that galleries/museums are no-go zones if you have young children. The gallery seemed to promote itself as child friendly in various ways too. Yes, children can disturb others, but we would always take DS away if he was crying for a prolonged period of time.

OP posts:

Floggingmolly · 07/04/2012 15:49

A little rude, but the screaming probably sounded a bit louder to her than it did to you to be fair. You're used to it, she's not. Plus, she might have wondered why you weren't just taking him outside, and trying to convey to you just how much of an annoyance it was?

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 07/04/2012 15:55

winnybella - it's totally different to a live performance or cinema.

Fuzzy - I think it's great that you take your DS and that he enjoys it :) More kids would if they were actually given the opportunity instead of being confined to 'childrens' activities'.

MrsBeakman · 07/04/2012 15:58

If she had her fingers in her ears she was probably finding the noise unbearable. Maybe it sounded quite loud in the confines of a corridor.

Kladdkaka · 07/04/2012 15:59

Asbergers?

It's Asperger's.

rhondajean · 07/04/2012 16:01

I can't believe some of you wouldn't want to expose your children to as much culture as possible at an early age.

DoomCatsofCognitiveDissonance · 07/04/2012 16:31

I think it was rude, but it may be that she had some need to cover her ears.

Why not just ask if they expect to have children visit that exhibit? I don't mean you shouldn't go if they say it's mainly an exhibit that is designed for adults, of course, but my impression is that often, they will tell you they would love you to come along with children, so then you will feel more comfortable and won't worry. I've found this when babysitting.

Also, sometimes if you say you want to visit a particular exhibit, they will even tell you when is the best time - so for example, you could choose to go at the same time as a large group of primary school children (which will be loud, but friendly), or you can go when they expect few visitors (which will be very quiet, but probably if the baby cries, you will feel you have to go out).

Of course you're entitled to go whenever, but I just thought you might like to know they can often tell you stuff like this.

DustyDen · 07/04/2012 16:38

People with depressive/anxiety disorders often have related sensory sensitivity, so, for instance, I have to cover my ears to certain noises or I cannot move or function at all. I'm not doing it to make some kind of point or to try to embarrass you; I'm just doing it so I don't spiral into a panic attack.

winnybella · 07/04/2012 17:34

an Sat 07-Apr-12 16:01:35

'I can't believe some of you wouldn't want to expose your children to as much culture as possible at an early age.'

Are you being serious?

Um...I can think of a lot of ways of exposing my children to culture without inconveniencing others.

DS loves Beethoven, Rachmaninov, Shostakovich and many others because we listen to classical music on regular basis. Not because I was dragging him to concerts at 2 yo.

He loves to draw, perhaps because I do as well and so he grew up seeing me drawing and painting. There's always been plenty of art books at home to look at.

He reads lots because I do as well and there's hundreds of books here for him to choose from and because we always talk about books he's read. Ditto for films etc etc.

Tbh I think people who think that a 2yo will greatly benefit from going to a museum and looking at lots of painting are deluded. Of course something may catch his eye but honestly...it seems a little pretentious...and precious...4-5 yo seems like a good age to start introducing children to art imo. 2yo hasn't got enough brain power yet to appreciate art. I mean, you'll show him Louise Bourgeois' Maman and he'll be like 'Oooh, a giant spider!'.

But if you want to take your baby/toddler to a museum, fine, as long as you take him out the moment he starts to scream, pick him up the moment he starts to run around etc-not when it will look like a prolonged crying spell as OP said. I don't want to have to wait and listen to it while you take long time to decide how bad the tantrum will be. In this way I don't think museums are child-friendly spaces as zoos or McDo are iyswim.

rhondajean · 07/04/2012 17:43

And what exactly is wrong with him going ooh a giant spider?

The difference with a gallery and a concert is that he does not have to sit in the same place for three hours.

Precious and pretentious certainly spring to mind about one of our posts....

winnybella · 07/04/2012 17:45

And there is a reason why children's activities are what most sensible parents 'confine' their DC to. It is because they are matched to what very young children enjoy and can benefit from. Ergo it is far better in terms of developing creativity to let a 2yo experiment with paints, play-doh, decorating cookies, seeing films and spectacles for toddlers, playing in the water, mud and snow, building sand castles or houses and towers with blocks etc etc than taking him to a Giacometti's exposition. Fine if you want to do that but it will not do much for his 'artistic side'

Rant over.

bunnygirl1976 · 07/04/2012 17:50

Hmm

We just like to do things as a family. So if we go to an art gallery, we will go as a family.

winnybella · 07/04/2012 17:51

There is nothing wrong with him going 'ooh, a giant spider', of course not

And as long as he's quiet, then great.

But exposing him to 'culture' as you said will not do anything for him (at 2yos, I stress again, I wholeheartedly agree that older children can benefit greatly from exposure to art)

MrsBeakman · 07/04/2012 17:52

My reaction to Louise Bourgeois' Maman woild also be "Oooh, a giant spider!"

bunnygirl1976 · 07/04/2012 17:53

Yup - that's a giant spider alright

garlicbunny · 07/04/2012 17:54

YABU to take it personally. Her ears are her business, funnily enough! YANBU to take your toddler to a gallery - you'd take them outside if they kicked off big-time, presumably. Never too young for a bit of kulcha :)

winnybella · 07/04/2012 17:55

MrsBeakman

bunnygirl1976 · 07/04/2012 17:56

You dont really need peace and quiet to contemplate that.

BillyBollyBandy · 07/04/2012 17:58

My first reaction to Louise Bourgeois would be "who the hell is that?" Sadly my parents didn't take me to art galleries as a child.

However my second reaction would be "Ohhhh a big spider".

OP - You are a disgrace. You should only take your son to premises with primary colours where the all other customers have children too. Oh and he must not make any noise in case he offends the aural sensitivities of the parents who are there who have children that are prepared to play quietly. Tsk.

skybluepearl · 07/04/2012 17:59

A nicer assistant would have asked if you were Ok and if there was anything she could do.

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