To think the way you look can direct your life.

[Cortina]

Do things happen differently for a beautiful woman than for a plain one? Can simply the way you look alter/direct the course of your life?

I think a lot of it comes down to confidence although looks can definitely play a part.

Even girls who are offered promotion work, wouldn't be offered again if they were really shy and lacked confidence...couldn't talk to people about what they were promoting.

I know a few very plain looking men and women who have massive personalities and draw people round them, like bees to honey pots.

Imo a total lack of self confidence can be an ugly thing...just as total over confidence can be an ugly thing too.

That's regardless of looks.

There have been numerous studies to show that attractive people tend to fare better in life than the less attractive. However, it's not that simple. Good grooming makes a big difference. I don't mean shedloads of makeup, perfectly coiffed hair and designer labels, but simply looking like you care about yourself - combed hair in a neat style, clean skin and fingernails, clothes that look clean and tidy, etc. And confidence really affects how people see you.

When I was a teenager, I used to go out with a friend of mine who if we stood next to each other inanimately, most people would probably say I was the more attractive (much slimmer, blonde to her brunette, etc), but out and about she always always got more attention than me because she was much more confident and good with people.

I'd say the way you look can give you more opportunities, but the ability to take them comes down to what's inside.

I remember working in a dress shop in London in my early 20s. A beautiful girl came in around my age. She bought a white body (remember those) ordinary, white, vest type top with poppers at the gusset (remember?) :)

It cost a month's wages (for me). She told me it was tricky to find these sort of things and was off for a long weekend in Sardinia on her boyfriend's yacht. Said boyfriend was at the kerb, illegally parked, in his Maserati smiling in sunglasses.

She was about 22 and jaw droppingly beautiful. She seemed lots of fun. It was a bank holiday weekend and I had to work. I wondered how she'd met him and things had turned out this way for her. My life seemed pretty grim in comparison :).

Agrees totally with LeQueen and sunshineandbooks. Being good looking provides an advantage but to what extent the advantage works for someone depends a lot on outlook and attitude. An average looking person who makes the best of themselves, smiles and has a nice personality can easily achieve the same advantages. I suspect the very plain person has to try a little bit harder both intellectually and in terms of appearance but then some of the nicest and most successful people I know are very plain

Yes, the science backs it up. We unconsciously equate beauty with goodness and try harder to make attractive people like us.

cortina I think it's also down to your thought process.

My first thought would have been "Wow, I wonder how he got so rich and if I'll be able to earn money like him one day."

Good point Worra and one I'd share now (I hope) but my 22 year old self didn't see the world like that. :).

Oh I had ambition back then...admittedly it got lost along the way

I sometimes look at my ordinary face in the mirror and wonder how it would be if I looked like Gisele Bundchen or Nigella Lawson or something. And how wonderful it would be to walk down the street and have people's head turn.

But then again I do think if you have a good brain you can make a prettu good life for yourself. And not being beautiful means I don't have to worry about losing the beauty, if you see what I mean.

I agree with Worra's comment about confidence further up the thread. I currently have a couple of friends who are very popular, always asked to exciting events, have a great time etc.

I have always assumed they are beautiful.

This will sound horrid, but looking at them properly recently I realised that they are not really. They are nice looking obviously but it is their confidence that makes them popular and attractive to people.

They believe they are gorgeous and it somehow makes them more gorgeous.

As for LeQueen's comment about meeting her dh. I have seen photos of you in your wedding dress I think LeQueen and you are beautiful but that may not be all that drew your dh to you. My dh spotted me across a dance floor in a crowded nightclub and found a way to chat to me etc etc but I am not at all good looking. He was just drawn to me. There is maybe more to that one than just your good looks. [bugrin]

I was always told I was beautiful when I was younger and looking back (without sounding too SB) I can sometimes see that I was in old photos etc.

I always had my choice of men and was always remembered when I met people but also had a lot of sarcastic/bitchy comments from other women (and men) and as I didn't have the best of childhoods I never the confidence to stand up for myself. If I could go back and do it all differently I reckon I could have taken far more advantage of my looks. In fact I think I was taken advantage of far more than my looks were an advantage to me iyswim. I was far too shy to make the most of the situation.

of course.. for example if i was better looking when i was younger maybe my high school crush wouldn't have brushed it off when he found out and we might have gone out together...
and then i probably wouldn't have met my DH so i don't regret anything!

Depends what you want in life and what is important to you.

Beauty can help you get somethings, not others.

Confidence and charisma takes you further IME

It's much, much more about the confidence and the personality.

I recently worked with a young girl who was supermodel league beautiful. I mean stunning.

She had the personality of a gnat. Men would initially be bowled over by her but in a very short time came to find her unattractive. DH discribed her as a tragic waste of a beautiful girl.

I don't think it hurts to be attractive and I am sure it smooths things over in lots of ways, but beauty on its own will not get you very far

I think research has shown that people prefer pretty babies. pretty children are also treated in a more favourable light too. As adults you are more likely to get the job if you are good looking, although I think that is linked to confidence and good grooming too.
I always feel better when I know I look good.

I do think good looks can make a difference to the way people treat you, I've, like LeQueen, had doors opened to me and faced little or no hostility but I'm smiley and friendly and while I'm not going to say I'm not good looking, I'm not up my own arse. I have also got much better with age but I do worry about the future because, (being honest), my looks have been such a big part of my life and my confidence when they fade, well, that's going to be hard.

Its annoying that hardly anyone has profile pics. Have just had a stalk trying to rate everyones "attractivness" but you are all too sensible. I will just have to imagine what you look like.

I think you all look gorgeous :) No one (other than Ms Brick) does themselves justice in terms of the confidence they have compared to the confidence they should have.

Can confidence come from having good looks though. Of course the two won't always go hand in hand but is there some corelation.

It's too complicated to say she was pretty and confident and it was the confidence that did well for her. Why was she confident?

The other way around, if you're bashed for your plainess aren't you likely to lose confidence?

Ok, i'm, not a supermodel or anything but i often get people telling me i'm beautiful/gorgeous pretty etc (maybe everyone gets this though as I don't see it myself?). When i was little people used to always say how pretty i was but because of my childhood i had zero self confidence and actually used to think that i was ugly. I'm better now but i don't think i really made the most of my looks, despite getting good qualifications i never had any ambition or drive, also i haven't ended up with a bloke with loads of money probably because that never really interested me and i've never had a successful job. Maybe if you have the confidence aswell as the looks you can do well. I do find though that people are nice to me alot and will never blame me or assume i've done anything wrong (even if i have!) and now i have more self confidence people tend to gravitate towards me but i think that's the same for anyone who's confident or has a nice personality.

Look what happened to Marilyn Monroe.

A few things strike me. Firstly, I think when it comes to 'losing our looks' it isn't only beautiful women who potentially suffer. Most of us think we look, 'ok', and for example, if/when our neck becomes a wattle and a turkey neck, are we happy? Are we necessarily less vain because we've never been as beautiful?

Also the PP that spoke about the woman with the supermodel looks and the personality of a cushion, well wouldn't it be worse to be ugly and have the personality of the cushion?

I think, like the lady I met going off for the yacht, that beauty potential gives you a window on a very different, far more exciting life. Money may do similar?

I also think there can be a difference between being "pretty" and "attractive".

Some people who are pretty, or regarded as pretty as children don't necessarily turn into attractive adults and vice versa.

Again I think being well groomed, and that doesn't mean having fake everything as that can be quite a tun off, knowing what looks good on you and having a great personality are all features of being attractive.
Without blowing my own trumpet I get lots of invites and I think part of that is that people gravitate towards me. I am quite sharpe witted and know that people love to listen to my anecdotes. I am also regularly told that I look a look younger than I am. Yet when I was at school I always felt tall and gawky looking if that makes sense.