for not wanting to pay sister this money...

[onelittlefish]

Also a bit of a wwyd.

My mum's birthday is just before christmas so my sister and I have always bought her a big present. Last year her big present cost circa £230 and as per usual we agreed to split it down the middle.

In the past when she has bought I always pay her back immediately because she is a bit of a tricky fish and I know that likely she would come back to me using any debt against me. Anyway, last year my sister bought and I (thought I) gave her the money. Now 4 months later she is saying that I never gave her the money and that I owe her my half. Now my problem is that I thought I had given her the money - usually she is honest (although splits hairs within an inch of her life). But it seems strange to come back now asking for it.

She was fine initially and said do you remember whether you paid me back? But now it is more of an "I am certain that you didn't pay me back". We both have young children and are probably prone to forgetting. What would you do if you were in this situation? and AIBU?

Can you check your bank statements to see if you can see the withdrawal?

And give a cheque/online transfer next time.

Surely you would remember or be able to trace this amount of money??

I can check my bank statements - all it would say though is that I took the money out and not that I gave it to her.

I am sure I do remember but she is equally sure that she remembers.

How would you have paid her? If you are likely to have just gone to the cashpoint for the money, you should be able to chase it. Same if you gave her a cheque. You need to go through your statements.

So you owe your sister £115?
Sorry but that is a fair old amount of money. If neither of you can remember then you clearly are rich enough for you to give her the money again.
I would never forget if I gave that amount to someone. I earn a good salary but would still notice.
Give her it back, for the sake of harmony, and improve your financial record-keeping.

I think I would check the bank statements too to see if you had actually taken the money out. Cross check the dates - it might trigger a memory. What were you doing at this time? When do you think you gave her the money?

If you are unsure that you gave her the money, give her the cash now. Then in the future always write cheque

Surely you wouldn't have given her £115 in cash? So check your cheque book.

I agree with others. If you can afford to forget what you did with over a £100 after drawing it out then you can afford to pay it again.

I think most people would remember handing over or receiving £115. You definitely don't remember handing it over, she doesn't remember receiving it. It's safe to assume you didn't give it to her.

So I'd suck it up on this occasion and give her the money and in future keep a record, give her a cheque or transfer the funds online so you have traceability.

Just before Christmas money can easily disappear on things with knowing it. I would check bank statements. If you know the day it went out it may jog yours or her memory. Also linking up money going out with the reason i.e. presents etc may show if all money/gifts are accounted for.

I Would ask for her to check her bank statements aswell.

I did give her the money in cash. I offered her a cheque and she said she didn't want it as a cheque because she did not have time to go to the bank to pay it in. I gave her it in two instalments.

She remembers getting the first £50. But the second time I remember withdrawing the money and then the conversation went like this "I only have twenties, take 80"' "no, don't worry about it, 60 is fine".

I probably am being a bit tight but she has just been a nightmare the past few months (would be a whole different thread) and I feel I am always having to forget things and move on - just feeling a bit fed up of it all now.

OK so you think you did pay her. What date was it. Where were you. What was the conversation you had. Outline all these to your sis for both times you gave her money.

*But the second time I remember withdrawing the money and then the conversation went like this "I only have twenties, take 80"' "no, don't worry about it, 60 is fine".

Sounds to me like you owe her £15

Reading between the lines here, if I were your sister I have to say I would be a bit pissed off. Your OP reads like a dig at her for being a 'tricky fish' ... because she has the brass neck to want her own money back immediately when it's a teeny sum like, oh, 115 quid! And I guess if you are paying her back, she routinely does the work of buying the present? And then, you say you paid in installments (ie., messed her about a bit more).

Frankly, you are taking advantage here, aren't you?

I agree you need to look at bank statements so you can show her you did withdraw the correct amounts of cash - but IMO you should recognize that you are messing her around a bit, and it's hardly surprising if she is a bit fed up with you - it's your responsibility to know if you've paid someone back!

Sounds to me like you DO remember paying her and you owe her a fiver, I would give her the £5 and tell her that's the last bit you owe her.

In future I would make bank transfers for any money owed so that it is traceable.

So when you recalled these conversations to her what did she say?

If my memory serves me took money out on 23rd december thinking geez christmas is expensive - hopefully this is the last of it now. Gave money on 24th amid a bit of a rush to all get out of the house for panto. It would have been an easy moment to forget because we were all really busy.

Reading your further post I can understand why your sister usually wants any money you owe her straight away.

Look, she's gone and bought and paid for the present. And you're making out that she's a bit of a nuisance because she usually wants the money you owe her immediately - well why wouldn't she? And now you're a bit peed off that she's raised it four months later. But she thinks you owe her so why shouldn't she mention it?

You're not positive that you gave her the rest of the money, are you?

Give her what she thinks you owe her, and learn a lesson.

Doomcats You have made some assumptions that are wrong. Why do you assume that I am messing her about? Whenever I pay someone back it I do it with the thought that I won't have to think about it again, and I do it quickly. Naive I probably am but I did figure with sister she was reasonably honest.

Maybe I misphrased it in my OP. I don't describe her as tricky because of the fact that she wants her money back. I describe her as tricky because she is actually quite tricky. I did not think her trickiness extended to money but I do feel quite sure I paid her back.

I'm sorry if I've got things wrong. I am just going by what you said yourself.

You do say you pay her back, right? You don't buy the present yourself, you expect her to spend then you pay her back. And you've said you didn't even do it all in one go.

In my book ... that's messing someone about, isn't it?

You don't seem at all grateful for the favour she is doing you.

I mean, come on ... how 'quickly' can you be paying her back if you need to do it in two installments?

It sounds to me like you did pay her back though if you remember having the conversation. I don't get why people are trying to make you out to be 'messing her about' and such. If you paid her and she forgot, how does that make you in the wrong and why should you pay her again?

You are right doom cats I don't feel grateful. I think I have implied throughout the thread that our relationship is not that strong. She is not doing me a huge favour because every time we end up doing things together things just seem to double in price.

I only paid her back in two instalments because the first time it was a conversation of "how much was it?", "much more than I expected, I need £115 from you" "I only have £50 on me to give you", "okay, I will take that".

This was about 3/4 weeks before I gave her the next "instalment" - which was the next time I saw her properly (i.e., not impromptu and I could plan to have the money). Sorry, I just don't get how I have messed her around.

I think you definitely remember paying her back and just need to convince her of that. Why not buy separately in future? You can easily get a nice gift for £100/ £50/ whatever on your own.

Mmm, sounds like fault on both sides TBH.

Why do you not fix a price first, out of interest?

I did think you were messing her about because she was doing the buying, which is a favour to you, and frankly, I would be really struggling and angry at Christmas time if a family member didn't chip in before buying a gift, and then waited a whole month before paying me back fully.

But then, I'd also be fed up by her spending more money than I'd said I had.

I dunno .... buy your own presents with your own money next time?