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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think pil should have at least sent a get well card to dd.

41 replies

lurkinginthebackground · 05/04/2012 21:14

Hi

DD has spent several days and nights in hospital due to developing a very unexpected severe condition.
Thankfully she is now back at home and is returning to normal. I don't want to say specifically what is wrong but it is the first time she has ever had to go in hospital.

Dh told pil and they haven't so much as sent a get well card never mind visited or phoned dd, who is 9.
They are both retired and drive and live 15-20 minutes away from us and approx another 20 mins away from the hospital.
My mum came to visit.

Dh is diasppointed in them too.
They don'r show much interest in the dcs tbh. They are estranged from their other sons dcs due to divorce, although I rather think it is down to pil that contact has stopped.
Is it too much to ask that they go on Moonpig and send a card?

Or aibu?

OP posts:
SarahStrattonsEasterName · 05/04/2012 21:16

Mine have never sent a get well card. Neither have I. Sending a card just wouldn't occur to a lot of people.

SparkyMcSparrowLaidMiniEggs · 05/04/2012 21:17

We don't send cards either!

Like the name Stratters SarahStrattonsEasterName Grin

HappyMummyOfOne · 05/04/2012 21:18

The thought of sending a card wouldnt have entered my head either, i only buy them for long term sickness so very rare.

SamBrick · 05/04/2012 21:18

Get well cards are less common nowadays I think.

My PIL wouldn't send one and I doubt my very loving and involved parents would, but they would call, visit and deliver gifts

IwishIwasmoreorganised · 05/04/2012 21:19

YABU. It wouldn't have crossed my mind to send one

hathorinareddress · 05/04/2012 21:19

DS has had at least 18 operations. I actually have lost count.

(he's fine now and a grown up lol)

My in-laws never visited in hospital once or sent a card.

SuePurblybiltFromChocolate · 05/04/2012 21:20

My parents would bring gifts but not a card - some families don't send a card for everything or a card for people they're going to see in person.

Original poster
lurkinginthebackground · 05/04/2012 21:21

Ok, so no visit to hospital to see their sick granddaughter, or no phone call to check on how she is?

I just find it strange to say the least.

OP posts:
ToothbrushThief · 05/04/2012 21:21

I would not expect a card or a visit tbh.

marriedinwhite · 05/04/2012 21:21

I think they could have phoned to make sure you were all OK.

Mollydoggerson · 05/04/2012 21:21

No I find cards a bit pointless, but a phonecall would have been nice. I would expect a daily phone call if kids were in hosp (I wouldn't get annoyed if I didn't get a phone call every day but I would expect somne concern for the child's health).

Cherriesarelovely · 05/04/2012 21:21

It's not so much the card though is it? It's the total lack of contact, ie no call or visit either. I do think that is very sad. Hope your DD is feeling better soon.

hathorinareddress · 05/04/2012 21:21

Lurking - my DS was in hospital at times for 2 or 3 weeks.

Sometimes day case, usually at least 2 or 3 days.

Never not ever not one visit or phone call.

ToothbrushThief · 05/04/2012 21:21

Have you rung and kept them informed of her condition?

Yama · 05/04/2012 21:29

I understand what you are saying Lurking.

My youngest has been rather poorly this week. Dh's Gran phoned this evening (about something else). I told her all about how poorly ds was today. She didn't really respond, just moved on to her next question.

I was so angry I had to phone my Mum afterwards to get the normal reaction to 'my child has been poorly' information. Luckily she restored my faith in humanity.

AmazingBouncingFerret · 05/04/2012 21:33

Not sending a card wouldnt of crossed my mind but the lack of phonecalls or visits is unreasonale

margoandjerry · 05/04/2012 21:34

The card bit would not occur to me but of course it's very weird not to visit or phone. Maybe they think you've got enough on your plate and they would be in the way at the hosp?

It's weird, definitely. But not the card thing - that's normal I think.

Voidka · 05/04/2012 21:40

Yanbu - I grew up in a family that keep Hallmark in business because they send cards for everything though.

Original poster
lurkinginthebackground · 05/04/2012 21:50

Yes it's not so much the card-anything would have been thoughtful.

A visit would have been nice.
Just to clarify dd is not a sick child usually. this was a very unexpected severe illness.

OP posts:
BarryNormansSofa · 05/04/2012 22:13

YABU - I think your title should have been 'To think pil should have least made a phone call ' which is a bit more reasonable and expected .

Hope your DD gets better soon .

kitelois · 05/04/2012 23:13

I think some people are just so wrapped up in themselves, that they just don't think about others.

When my DD2 was taken in for an emergency op when she was a baby, my ILs were told (needed some medical info off them) and in their email reply, they told my Dh that they loved him - but didn't even mention my DD or her forthcoming operation. They didn't bother to phone or text after the op either to find out how she had got on. Nothing. But they're like that.

I find it surprising, I wouldn't expect a card... but surely at least a text or a phone call? But as I say, I think different people have different standards.

griphook · 05/04/2012 23:24

I wouldn't worry too much, my mil is obsesed with receiving cards, to the point that if you forget the card or if it is late for an occassion she ignores you for a month or so.

Yet she knows that today ds is sick and i've been in hospital all day and yet it now gone 11 and she's not called to see if we are ok. TBH i don't think a quick phone call would go a miss, me and I must think very differently

griphook · 05/04/2012 23:26

oh and you're mean't to ring her to say thankyou for the card if you sent one, and if you sent one then you're mean't to ring to check she got it. It's just double standards

Nanny0gg · 06/04/2012 00:58

Weird behaviour (imo)
I remember when my nephew was in hospital 35+ years ago with a potentially serious and unexplained illness (and in quarantine), the whole family trooped over to wave at him and my sister through the window.

You'd surely want to know how your GC were, wouldn't you?
If it were my GC I'd be worried to death anyway and looking for hourly updates!

Earthymama · 06/04/2012 01:10

I'm with Nanny Ogg!!
I would not be able to rest if any of my grandchildren were in hospital, I would expect to be fully involved in supporting the patents by stepping in so they can eat, sleep etc.
I find myself in shock at the things I read on MN, I must be so naive.
I expect families to stay together through thick and thin and with my children and I that's how it works.
Your poor DH/DP, he must be so hurt. Sad