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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH stormed out - who's bu?

35 replies

jojane · 04/04/2012 18:42

This week has been quite busy and we didn't get to do our usual weekend tidy and clean so started the week on the wrong foot. I have been really tired, kids being a pain in the butt. Yesterday DH came home and house was a mess. E didn't say anything but stayed in study all night while I went to bed early as couldn't keep eyes open, been out most of today and since I have been home kids been a nightmare, dd fell over and wouldn't stop crying about it, eldest DH habit meltdown and punched me in the face and 1 year old hasn't had a nap today so grumpy and clingy. They created havoc whilst I cooked tea do puzzles and cards etc all over living room, DH came go e as I was dishing up tea and started moaning and stripping so I told him to pee off So he has stormed out to his dads and said he isn't coming back.
Who's being unreasonable? Should I ave made more of an effort to tidy up or should be be more understanding of how much chaos 3 children 5 and under can cause?
It is a recurring thing (not the storming out that's never happened before) but the coming home to a mess. He used to work shifts and come home at 8 so kids were bathed and fed and tidied up but now he comes home at 6 which is chaos hour with cooking tea, tired stroppy kids etc

OP posts:
Original poster
jojane · 04/04/2012 18:44

Typo - eldest ds not DH pumched me!

OP posts:
Hassled · 04/04/2012 18:44

Maybe he needs to spend a day on his own with them. Does that ever happen? Can you make it happen?

MrsTerryPratchett · 04/04/2012 18:45

He stayed in the study all night, working or faffing about?

Shutupanddrive · 04/04/2012 18:45

He is. Pour yourself a Wine and let him sulk

MrsKittyFane · 04/04/2012 18:45

Well he's opted out hasn't he? You've got 4 dc obviously OP.

JustHecate · 04/04/2012 18:46

why is it your job? If the state of the house is bothering him, what's stopping him from sorting it out?

If you've been busy with other things, then you've been busy. I fail to see why it's your responsibility alone to clean the house.

It's harder to keep a tidy home when the children are off, anyway. You're tidying and they're 2 steps behind you, untidying.

I think he's been rather unreasonable to storm off about it. It's a messy house.

What's his actual problem?

MrsKittyFane · 04/04/2012 18:47

Phone his dad's and tell him he needs to get back home and help.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 04/04/2012 18:49

He is being unreasonable.

I agree with the suggestion of letting him look after the dc on his own for a day. When you manage to arrange it, make sure you also arrange it for a day when there is no food in the house and lots of washing needs to be done.

Cluffyfunt · 04/04/2012 18:50

He is.

Arse.

My 'D'H is a selfish nob when it comes to pulling his weight around the house and I believe it is damaging our marriage Sad

noddyholder · 04/04/2012 18:51

It is his family too thats what its like at that time all over the country at that time. He should muck in, what is wrong with him?

noddyholder · 04/04/2012 18:51

too many at that times sorry!

vanimal · 04/04/2012 18:52

He is being a shit unreasonable.

6pm onwards is chaotic in any house with pre-schoolers, never mind 3 of them!

He definitely needs a day on his own with them.

CoffeeDog · 04/04/2012 18:53

House is a mess, 3 kids 1 x 6 2x3 DH came home to find me hovering up rainbow drops from the boy's carpet... he has taken the kids to play in bedroom's while i sit down with a cup of tea... he has seen how much of a nightmare they are today and has offered to do bathtime solo.....

He winged once about house being a mess.... so i left him with the kids all day and with a list of the things i do allday as well to accomplish... He now has more respect.

Agincourt · 04/04/2012 18:53

it is what it's like everywhere at witching hour
storming out?

wheres your cauldron lovely? HAHAHAHA Wink

Birdylade · 04/04/2012 18:55

He is being absolutely unreasonable

lalaland3008 · 04/04/2012 18:56

Sorry but I think you have an extra child. I think he's being a complete arsehole and should tidy thee house himself instead of storming out.

Being at home with ONE child is harder than a day at work let alone 6, FACT.

CadburysHeaveEgg · 04/04/2012 18:57

He is. My DH came in after a long day at work to find the dining table covered in playdoh, yesterday's dishes on the side, the front room covered in toys and the hall practically impassable.

He is currently tidying up "as it looks like the kids have run you ragged today".

You are not unreasonable!

sixlostmonkeys · 04/04/2012 18:58

phone him and tell him to come home and look after his children because you intend to storm out due to the fact the house is a mess

lalaland3008 · 04/04/2012 18:58

Sorry op I need to read properly he comes home at 6 not to 6 kids.
Even so, 3 little kids = hard work.

lalaland3008 · 04/04/2012 18:59

I'm actually really angry for you.

Though perhaps this is why I live alone

DoNotAngerTheWookiee · 04/04/2012 19:01

YANBU, he is.

Instead of shutting himself away, he could have come in and helped by entertaining the children and maybe getting them ready for bed or something whilst you cooked/tidied up (or vice versa).

I agree with previous posters - go out and leave him with all three of them for the day, and maybe he'll appreciate what you have to do and might realise that having a tidy house is not a top priority sometimes.

Yama · 04/04/2012 19:01

He is BU.

My God, if I was off work with the kids and dh came home to chaos, he would work out that it had been a shitty day and he'd take over. As any adult should in this situation.

Your husband is being very unreasonable.

Polpettona · 04/04/2012 19:02

Poor you :( Phone him and tell him to get his backside back home and tell him that they're HIS children too! He's definately bu!

ivykaty44 · 04/04/2012 19:02

If he is going to behave like a teenager then you may have to treat him like one.

Spell it out nice and slowly that you are not his mum

he may well want to go home to mum to have his sulk but he is now a grown man with 3 children under 5 - he needs to be home for his children and to parent them with his wife.

His wife doesn't want a 4th child to have to look after.

The house needs cleaning - together it needs to be done

A nanny looks after the children and gets paid

a cleaner cleans the house and gets paid

one parents works outside the home and get paid

this equates to three jobs - yes one may be part time and the other two full time but they need 2 and a half people to do those two jobs.

As there are only two adults it would be easier if the part time job was shared between the two adults - or the full time job and the part time job was shared.

SofaKing · 04/04/2012 19:08

He is unreasonable. Dh and I are ill, he came in from work with takeaway for everyone, put oldest two to bed and is now tidying toys while I cuddle the baby to sleep. That is what a loving partner should do, not bitch about housework and storm out like a petulant teen.

3 under 5 is hard, and if he can't understand that I agree you should leave him with the kids for a day so he can understand how hard it is to keep the place clean and make tea, etc.

Hope you are OK on your own and coping with the dc's, I feel for you.