To hope friend does not have a pain-free labour?

[Maccapaccawacca]

Me and friend in question have been friends since high school (15+yrs now). She was always the 'clever' one in the friendship. I didn't really bother my arse try very hard during A levels, preferred to go out with boyfriend etc. I am sure many others will know that the legacy of who you were at school lives on in these kind of friendships...
So, when I got a higher degree classification than she did - she didn't speak to me properly for months....now, tbh I consider my degree to be in a fair less academic subject than hers so I don't think there is any need to get het up about it. I'm giving that as an example, plenty of others.....
Anyway,I had DS1 just over a year ago. Had horrible labour followed by EMCS. All fine - had a healthy baby in my arms at the end of it so all is well.
Anyway, now my friend is a few weeks of expecting her first DC.
She is planning a hypnobirth with no pain relief at all. I know if she has a pain-free experience I will never hear the end of it - how I could have had a better time had i used the 'power of my mind' and 'let go of the fear' etc.
I know this makes me a horrible person but I just want her to feel what one awful contraction feels like...then she can have a wonderfully natural, pai-free, empowering experience after that!

I'm going to get a flaming aren't i?!

it sounds like an unhealthy relationship. i cut a friendship with a person like this 8 years ago and i am healthier for it.

although, i dont think i have heard of a pain free labour.

I'm sure we've all met someone like your friend, OP. I always think they must be so insecure and lacking in confidence deep down.

I had a vague birth plan which involved me and my baby both being alive at the end of it. Which thankfully we managed to fulfil, but I was relieved not to have been any more ambitious!

First time pain free birth? Well good luck with that.

Birth plans aside why don't you just let the friendship fizzle out? I was friends with an emotional leech who got away with some major friendship crimes simply because we were "Bezzies" since the age of 14. What was she doing when I descended into a suffocating black hole that stripped me of my confidence, made me feel pure hatred for myself and made hibernation an appealing lifestyle choice? Holding my hand? Of course not. Slagging me off for "ignoring" her and telling everyone what a selfish bitch I was to anyone who vaguely knew me. That's what. Only get PND i you have friends to cull.

Its just as well we drifted apart as her competitiveness knew no bounds and she was shamelessly stingy too. (When she pisses I swear that I hear a faint whistle). When my ds outgrew his baby clothes I passed them to her newborn. When her ds outgrew his baby clothes she passed them on to Ebay. Gee thanks. I also bought her a purse for her birthday as she kept leaving it at home losing it.

Anyway op. There is no law that states you have to remain friends. Ditch her off FB if you're deadly serious about it. You know that will tell her all she needs to know :o

Remembers friendships of the 80's/90's where there was no FB to put you in your place just good old fashioned time and unanswered letters and phonecalls...

I've had two smug friends who I secretly hoped would experience good old contractions. Both had done hypnobirthing and were NOT going to experience pain as birth was natural and they wold open up like a flower...blah blah...
Well, both had rotten labours. One friend had such a horrible time, not dilating, attempted ventouse, then c-section and post-partum haemorrhage. When I visited her she was pale and weak from fatigue and blood loss.

I felt awful. There are no winners really are the? I still feel bad about hoping they would suffer a bit.

Do you not find though, that those that are competitive, particularly competitive birthers/parents, they do the competitive sadness too. If things go well for them then it's better than anything anybody else has done, blah blah blah but if things go badly then " it was worse than yours" and everyone has to feel sorry for them.

I had a friend like this and thought the same.

She had a 7 hour labour with no pain relief and was back in her size 10 jeans the same week.

I completely understand what you mean. I had a horrible labour with DD and much as I didn't wish a horrible experience on others I lost count of the number of people who told me (even after they had heard what had happened) "I did it all on gas and air....I actually enjoyed it, it's really just about mental strength" the subtext, well not even the subtext, being that I was actually just weak.

FWIW my SIL (who is lovely by the way) did the hypnobirth thing and enjoyed the training but in the event it was as useful as rearranging the deckchairs on the Titanic. She had a very complicated, difficult birth and the hypnosis was no use to her at all. Not saying that is the case for everyone but it's not a panacea.

I planned a hypno, water birth with lentil weaving and breathing the baby out

I end up with an epidural, forceps, episiotomy, being prepped for an RMCS and delvering 9lb 1 DS in theatre

It might not go as she planned

I can see you friend is a bit annoying but I think you should be wishing for a safe delivery and healthy baby

My experience is not quite the same thing but I can see where you are coming from.

Neither of my dcs have really slept. My dd is 11 now so I haven't really slept for 11+ years as I couldn't sleep while pregnant too.

My friend/colleague was completely and totally unsympathetic. TOTALLY!

A few years ago she had a baby of her own and I thought she would gain some understanding/sympathy - that karma would get her for being so mean to me.

Instead she got a baby that slept from 6pm and had to be woken at 9am

I am ashamed of myself but I can hardly speak to her now.

I didn't really want horror for her - I just wanted a little bit of compassion for our situation really.

So I can sympathise with your situation although I think I would let the friendship you are talking about fade tbh.

She might have a drug free birth. She sure as hell won't have a pain free one!

I've been thinking about this this afternoon and I actually think if someone's been that horrible to you when you give birth and expects the world from you when it's their turn, why should you bury the hatchet and 'be there' for them? I get that if you're a 'true' friend you should blah de blah, but someone that horrible isn't exactly a true friend themselves are they?

And if they're mean and competitive about giving birth, what are they going to be like as your kids grow up? Deffo worth ditching IMO

Yep, another one here in favour of ditching the "friendship" because I think it's fizzled out a long time ago.....and tbh I'd feel just the same as you do

YANBU, she sounds insufferable...

I had planned a homebirth with Hypnobirthing, dim lights, breathing DS out etc - ha! DS turned up a month early, so straight into hospital, i'd barely practised my hypno stuff at all, and he was back to back for a fair chunk of the labour. Suffice to say it wasn't pain free...

Mind you, I wasn't actually expecting it to be completely pain free, so I had a few comments after from successful hypnobirthers about how it was painful because I wasn't 'committed enough'.

My sis had two successful home hypnobirths, one of which was completely pain free, so it does work for some! And this was with her DC2 and DC3, her first was a normal sore birth.

Agree with everyone else about phasing her out after her birth, she sounds like a drain. You never know tho, if her birth doesn't go quite as she plans, she might surprise you and be honest about it!

YABU

But... she's not your friend actually is she? Or at least, you're not hers.