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AIBU?

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Original poster

Was I insensitive?

41 replies

familyj · 04/04/2012 12:20

I posted on facebook about the 2nd Anniversary of my miscarriage. However, another friend has just announced her pregnancy on facebook. (1 day prior to my post)

OP posts:
Shutupanddrive · 04/04/2012 12:29

No it's not like you did it on purpose, I'm sure she knows that.

thebody · 04/04/2012 12:39

No u weren't to know, I don't actually 'get' Facebook but if it brings u some support or closure after your miscarriage then glad for u.

nickelhasababy · 04/04/2012 12:43

are you happy enough for her pregnancy to offer her congratulations on her post?

then it will confirm to her that you're not "bitter" towards her.
she probably feels awful being happy when she knows you're still suffering.

PooPooInMyToes · 04/04/2012 12:44

Did you see her post first? If so then i think you were a tad insensitive.

Hoebag · 04/04/2012 12:45

Aw I bet your mate feels awful.
I announced my pg to close mates only to be told that one friend had suffered a mis c. 3 weeks previous Sad

and I had no idea I felt awful, and I dont feel like I can mention it around her now. but she did say congrats.

HolyCalamityJane · 04/04/2012 12:46

Also not sure why you would want to share such a private devastating event on facebook. Personally I like to keep it light but that's just me. When other share such personal things it makes me feel kind of uncomfortable some things should just be kept private. But am sure your friend doesn't think you are insensitive she maybe will just feel awkward around you and not wanting to share her good news.

bejeezus · 04/04/2012 12:47

yes-i think that was insensitive

BusinessTrills · 04/04/2012 12:47

People on FB need to realise that everything everyone posts is not directed at them.

You haven't asked if you are being unreasonable, but I do not think it is unreasonable to post about your miscarriage if it makes you feel better.

Proudnscary · 04/04/2012 12:49

I am very sorry you had a miscarriage. I have had one too as have many women on here.

However I am totally baffled and frankly amazed why you or anyone would post this on Facebook.

Why?

SpanglyGiraffe · 04/04/2012 12:51

No I don't think you were being insensitive. As others have said, you didn't do it on purpose.

IAmBooyhoo · 04/04/2012 12:52

no i dont think you were insensitive at all. you could reverse it and ask if people thought your friend was insensitive to announce her pregnancy the day before the anniversary of your miscarriage (if she knew the date) and i dont think anyone would say she was insensitive (i certainly wouldn't). people use facebook for all sorts of things. lots of people post things on the anniversary of a loved one's death so i dont think youu miscarriage should be any different.

Coconutty · 04/04/2012 12:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 04/04/2012 12:54

I'm sorry for your loss. I've also miscarried. We're all different but for me it was private and personal and I wouldn't commemorate such a date. Where would it end, anyway? I don't think FB is at all an appropriate venue and, yes, probably insensitive to the feelings of others.

Hoebag · 04/04/2012 12:55

Sorry I dont think ur insensitive, I bet that woman feels just as bad though.

Megatron · 04/04/2012 12:57

If she announced her pregnancy 1 day prior to your post it may have been a little insensitive (though I may have misunderstood). However you are entitled to post your feelings as you like really.

TerraNotSoFirma · 04/04/2012 13:02

I am sorry for your loss OP, But I do find it a little odd to post such a thing on facebook. I say this as a woman who has also lost babies. Your friend may well feel you are trying to pull the attention onto you rather than her as it was posted so soon after.

Do you feel you need to talk about it but feel people are sick hearing about it (As that is how I felt as time went on, That people would be thinking I should be 'over it' as it were) Your true friends will lend you a shoulder I am sure.

jumpingjackhash · 04/04/2012 13:09

Sorry you suffered a mc, I've been there too - but not sure I'd want to post it on Facebook (or continue to mark the anniversary, I'd rather move on but you may well feel differently... each to their own).

If you didn't see her post first though I can't see how it was being insensitive. Has she suggested it was/she was hurt by it? If not, I'd not worry.

I also agree with BusinessTrills that people shouldn't just assume FB posts are directed at them.

york67 · 04/04/2012 13:11

As long as you were still able to congratulate her than I am sure all is fine.

fedupofnamechanging · 04/04/2012 13:18

I don't think you were being insensitive, so long as you didn't announce your anniversary as a comment actually on her post.

You have as much right to talk about your miscarriage on fb as someone else has, to announce their pregnancy.

MrsKittyFane · 04/04/2012 14:29

I personally wouldn't post about my mc on FB.
Sadly It doesn't look good. One day your friend posts about her pregnancy and the next you post about your mc.
It's very a unfortunate situation.
I'd delete if I were you :(

marathonrunner · 04/04/2012 15:35

Why did you post something so private on fb? Really sorry for your loss by the way but personally I would never post something as private and as upsetting as that, nor would I feel comfortable reading about it on someone else's wall.

IAmBooyhoo · 04/04/2012 15:45

why should miscarriage be anymore private than the death of another loved one? sorry but i really dont like the idea that OP should remember her loss in private so as not to make anyone else uncomfortable. i have friends who have posted on the anniversaries of the death of family members and friends. just things like they are remembering them on this day. i've never once thought, 'they should be doing that in private really'. i dont see wh someone should have more right to celebrate good news than someone else shold to remember a time of loss and sadness. FB is not reserved for good news only.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 04/04/2012 16:02

Maybe so Booyhoo but on my wall, I see posts from friends of my friends (who aren't mine). I wouldn't want to see posts like that. There are some people who feel that they should be able to tell all and sundry anything and everything... that's not really ok with me.

I can understand completely where the OP is coming from but I suspect that in making her post public, it's about 'Don't forget my baby' and that's probably been triggered by her friend's news.

It feels a bit like when you've had a miscarriage or foetal problems and you're put on the maternity ward - not nice for the sufferer - but also not nice for those on the maternity ward who may feel inhibited and have to tiptoe around you.

Some things really should be in person, with good RL friends, family members, whatever, but people who actually have a vested interest and genuine wish for your welfare, not myriad people who will post platitudes and call you 'hun' and don't even know who you are. That's how I feel about it anyway.

everlong · 04/04/2012 16:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheMonster · 04/04/2012 16:12

Yes, it was insensitive and you've probably made yourself look quite bitter about it.
I don't know your situation, but I do think it is odd to put about a miscarriage on FB.

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