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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to not want to cuddle other people's babies just because I have one of my own?

42 replies

Boomerwang · 04/04/2012 01:08

I visited a friend of my boyfriend's yesterday. He's got two kids. One of them is a four month old baby. This baby is approximately five times the size of my newborn. His head alone was as big as mine and we both kept staring at him in utter astonishment. It was a very big baby!

The reason for visiting was so that my boyfriend could see his friend's baby for the first time, and his friend could see our baby.

At some point during the visit the big baby was passed to me along with a gargantuan bottle of feed. I wasn't exactly aghast, but I was a bit confused... am I suddenly a lover of all things baby now?

I fed the baby... it was no problem. Then I had to burp him. He dribbled profusely and I felt a bit turned off... all this was messing with my head because I wouldn't bat an eyelid if my own baby puked all over me but just the dribble of someone else's baby was making me think of the way I feel when I have to use my hand to drag bits of food away from the sink plughole...

Also I have a lot of cousins and most of them have had children by now. I've never been close to any of them so I didn't take an interest in their babies as I'm not particularly a baby person... but when my own was born just about everybody made a big effort to congratulate me. I feel guilty that I didn't do the same but more than this, I feel quite astonished that other people cared. It's making me wonder if I'm a bit wrong in the head to STILL dislike babies and show no interest in other people's offspring even though I have my own now?

Am I abnormal to feel this way?

OP posts:

AgentZigzag · 04/04/2012 01:20

I can wipe 2 YO DD2s nose when I'm eating, no problems.

But I'm really squeamish when it comes to other peoples 'fluids'.

I think it's because DD2 was part of me not long ago, I might have a problem wiping 11 YO DD1s nose not sure when the cross over from awww to ewww came though

bronze · 04/04/2012 01:40

Nah I don't do other peoples kids either. Like my nephews but that's about it. Don't get me wrong I don't dislike the others just don't want to be maternal towards them

CaramelisedOnion · 04/04/2012 01:58

YANBU

GeorgiaMay · 04/04/2012 02:08

Well, YANBU, everyone's different. One of my friends actively disliked babies and children, but always insisted she would love her own when they arrived. And she did/does.

I was all into babies before I had my own, desperate to cuddle them all. It has definitely passed now that the youngest of my 3 dcs is 6. I can take or leave other babies and other people's children, well....that's another whole thread.

What does worry me a bit is how immune I was to all the disgusting bits of babies when mine were small - I would merrily open the pooey nappies on people's living room floors, and honestly didn't really notice the smell. If someone did that now, I would be slightly disgusted and point them towards the bathroom.

duchesse · 04/04/2012 02:11

I have to say I'm not all that bothered about other people's babies, especially if they come with the expectation that you will want to hold them, change them etc... I don't mind cooing at them a bit but not that bothered about being "mother" to them. YADNBU.

BebeAurelie · 04/04/2012 07:09

I think if the basic purpose of the visit was to meet each others babirs, basically showing them off to each other then, socially, you have to play along and say all the right things, cuddle baby etc. Its just what you do, doesn't mean you have to like it though.

Remember half the people that congratulated you on you baby and made a fuss probably felt the same about your baby.

I hate nose wiping, bottom wiping or nappy changing if the child isn't mine, but you do it with a smile and in time others will do the same for yours.

catsareevil · 04/04/2012 07:15

YANBU. Just because you have a baby doesnt mean that you will start liking all babies.
There is a way that people expect women with babies to behave around other babies. Not everyone is actually that keen on them

pumpkinsweetie · 04/04/2012 07:23

YANBU- everyones entitled to their own opinions and im with u on this one.
Babies are only interesting when they are your own or a very close relation.
A cuddle would have been fine but they shouldn't have expected you to feed him without asking first, i have this problem with my sil everytime we see her she literarly plonks her baby on me with a bottle expecting me to feed her without even asking. Shes pretty lazy though my sil and is always passing baby around (7months) to whoevers in the room even my 9 year old is expected to feed her. Cuddling babys for 5 mins not a prob but feeding him too yanbu

Aribura · 04/04/2012 07:25

"One of my friends actively disliked babies and children, but always insisted she would love her own when they arrived. And she did/does." I honestly think this is a stupid thing to do.

Roastbeefandyorkshires · 04/04/2012 07:27

YANBU
I feel exactly the same

sunnydelight · 04/04/2012 07:30

YANBU, ditto.

Ilovedaintynuts · 04/04/2012 07:30

I really don't like other peoples kids. In fact quite often they turn me right off as they look/smell different to mine.
I also can't stand babies with massive heads, they freak me out. One of my relatives had a baby with a absolutely massive skull, he had no hair till he was about 2. My eyes were drawn to this enormous head all the time

Because Of this I actively don't push my babies on to others. I'm aware that others probably aren't in love with my babies. I used to cringe when DH would make people hold DD1. She was no beauty for the first 6 months (think Norman Tebbit/William Hague but he thought she was a stunner

My Dsis is TTC and I'm wondering how I will feel about nieces and nephews. Will they be strange or will they feel familiar?

botoxschmotox · 04/04/2012 07:34

I think YDNBU. I wouldn't think twice about dealing with my own children's bodily functions but couldn't go anywhere near other people's children's. I'm also the same with my dog - if he voms or poos I can clear it up in much the same way, but ewww at the thought of having to deal with a dog that didn't belong to me.

BigBirdsFriend · 04/04/2012 07:36

YAsoNBU!
I have a friends DD once a week, almost two years have passed and I still retch at her nappies and shudder at the humungous green bubbles she makes, coughing makes me wince. She is a lovely little girl but the fluids (gah and the solids) I really don't like.
You sound totally reasonable to me

AutumnSummers · 04/04/2012 07:41

Growing up it was just me and my brother, but we have several younger cousins who I acted as self-appointed nanny to as a child / teen. My cousins are actually still being born (Uncle's gf is pg) and I'll likely be the same even with 4 kids of my own. It's alwys been a really big part of who I am.

We're all different though. I definately don't identify with your feelings but I don't think that there's anything wrong with them either.

D0G · 04/04/2012 07:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

marshmallowpies · 04/04/2012 07:43

Looks like most people are with you, OP so I must be the weird one. I love cuddling any babies I can get my hands on!

In terms of clearing up the mess, I've happily cleared up my nephew's vomit & poo without batting an eye, but a non-family baby might be different.

The first time DH helped look after my nephews (not babies by this stage!) he had to deal with a 'vomit situation' & I was so proud of how well he dealt with it.

Definitely agree about the dog thing: I used to look after my boss's dog at a former job & I used to take the dog out at lunchtime to do his business. It was revolting & I hated doing it, but if I didn't, the dog would crap in the office which was even more revolting. Plus, I felt sorry for the dog.

OhChristFENTON · 04/04/2012 07:44

It's a strange thing isn't it? I have always thought I loved all things baby as my older sisters were having their babies as I was growing up from about 10 through to 18 and adored all of them. But when my best friend had her baby I just didn't 'take' to the little fella at all - just didn't feel like snuggling into him like I had with my nephews and nieces.

I thought at the time it was because he wasn't 'family' but then meeting other babies later on I still felt like squidging them as I did with my sisters' babies

I think as others have said you have to try to play along to save feelings - but I don't think there's anything wrong with you to just not take to some babies.

Sparklingbrook · 04/04/2012 07:47

YANBU. When people used to bring their babies into the office, I would offer congratulations then find some urgent work in another part of the office.

When I took newborn DS1 in he was snatched off me immediately and cooed over so other people presumably don't feel the same.

D0G · 04/04/2012 07:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ItsAroundHereSomewhere · 04/04/2012 09:00

YANBU

I wasn't keen on babies before I had my own. Now I'm a bit more enthusiastic but can still take em or leave em (although not literally of course).

Still amazes me how gooey people go over them. When dd1 was about ten days old we took her to John Lewis and cba to take the buggy so we just carried her. Two of the assistants were cooing over her so much I let them cuddle her and one ended up carrying her round for us! And when we were putting our house on the market the estate agent cuddled two month old dd2 whilst I ended up writing down the particulars.

I'd never force my baby on anyone but sometimes it's so obvious people are dying to hold them. I never am though, although I often end up just having them to be polite. I prefer other peoples kids from a distance though, if I'm honest.

pohara · 04/04/2012 11:13

I am completely and utterly indifferent to other people's babies. I don't dislike them, I just can't raise any interest. But I do try to show interest as it can make a new parent's day.

OriginalJamie · 04/04/2012 11:16

I generally like other peoples' babies/children, but any emission is repellant.

If I really like a person, I think I tend to feel more warm towards their child

VikingLady · 04/04/2012 11:17

DD1 is now 3.5 weeks, and I think she is the most adorable bundle of funny faces and amusing sound effects on the planet, and am happy to pick the bogies out of her nose with my little finger nail. Her nappies don't bother me (fortunately bf) and even her sick isn't too bad.

The babies I have seen at all the bf support groups etc have mainly been very unattractive to me, and they smell funny. Their nappies are vile. I have no real interest in them, though I feel slightly guilty about this as they all seem very interested in mine and appear to think she is cute. Maybe they are faking it as well?

PS - I am faking interest, and making sure not to push DD1 onto anyone. From my own reactions to other people's offspring, I am aware that she will not be everyone's cup of tea. Getting very good at faking an interest and finding SOMETHINg to admire on a baby. You can usually say they have pretty eyes or something, even when it isn't true.

callmemrs · 04/04/2012 11:19

Yanbu, I have always been indifferent to other people's babies. It's quite normal I think.

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