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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want to cuddle other people's babies just because I have one of my own?

42 replies

Boomerwang · 04/04/2012 01:08

I visited a friend of my boyfriend's yesterday. He's got two kids. One of them is a four month old baby. This baby is approximately five times the size of my newborn. His head alone was as big as mine and we both kept staring at him in utter astonishment. It was a very big baby!

The reason for visiting was so that my boyfriend could see his friend's baby for the first time, and his friend could see our baby.

At some point during the visit the big baby was passed to me along with a gargantuan bottle of feed. I wasn't exactly aghast, but I was a bit confused... am I suddenly a lover of all things baby now?

I fed the baby... it was no problem. Then I had to burp him. He dribbled profusely and I felt a bit turned off... all this was messing with my head because I wouldn't bat an eyelid if my own baby puked all over me but just the dribble of someone else's baby was making me think of the way I feel when I have to use my hand to drag bits of food away from the sink plughole...

Also I have a lot of cousins and most of them have had children by now. I've never been close to any of them so I didn't take an interest in their babies as I'm not particularly a baby person... but when my own was born just about everybody made a big effort to congratulate me. I feel guilty that I didn't do the same but more than this, I feel quite astonished that other people cared. It's making me wonder if I'm a bit wrong in the head to STILL dislike babies and show no interest in other people's offspring even though I have my own now?

Am I abnormal to feel this way?

OP posts:
Original poster
Boomerwang · 04/04/2012 11:59

I wonder if it's some kind of throwback survival thing? Especially the smells. This will be TMI for some but when you fart you might actively sniff out the smell you're expecting, but if someone else farts you do your best not to get a whiff.

If I licked my arm I wouldn't be crawling all over because I have saliva on myself, but if someone else did it I'd boak...

I find my own daughter pretty when I look into her eyes (although she still looks like a bug-eyed mushroom from a distance) but I have to look really hard at other people's babies to find anything remotely appealing. And yes, big, fat babies look freaky and worrying, especially when they still act like the very young babies they really are... for some reason I expected maturity to match size!

I really wonder why this is so prevalent?

OP posts:
OriginalJamie · 04/04/2012 12:04

I agree Boomerwang. It must be to stop us catching infections

monkeymamma · 04/04/2012 12:04

LOL and YANBU!

But I do have to confess that I pass my baby to all visitors and often ask them to burp him. This is because he is very difficult to burp! But possibly IABU and a bit lazy! :-D I don't ask them to feed him as he is BF. i feel that would be a bridge too far!

GrahamTribe · 04/04/2012 12:06

YANBU. I just don't "do" other people's kids, I'm just not interested in the least. And it's okay, there's no law that says you have to like other people's kids. It's why other people expect you to like/hold their kids that puzzles me.

nickelhasababy · 04/04/2012 12:18

DD looksd like me, so i'm sure she can't possibly be attractive to anyone else.

i totally agree with you op - there's nothing wrong with cooing over someone else's baby, but to thrust a 4month old into the arms of a newborn's mother and make her feed and burp it is very very weird. and rude.
you're already overwhelmed with the responsibility of looking after your own tiny baby, you don't need the hassle of someone else's (especially so large in comparison)!
people come in my shop with babies ans i have to do the two-way conversation too. it's awkward. i don't ask them to comment on DD and it's hard to reciprocate.

lalaland3008 · 04/04/2012 12:39

I'm the same, I generally don't like other peoples children. An I don't even want to know about their puke and shit.

I generally fake pretending to like them.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 04/04/2012 12:58

Not unreasonable at all - it's Nature's way, so that we don't steal them. No danger of that, I'm really not a baby person. Grin

thebody · 04/04/2012 12:59

Your post made me laugh ESP about how freakishly big his head was.

I have 4 Dcs and that doesn't make me adore children generally, quite opposite. I am also cm and cuddle, change nappies etc but wouldn't touch the non minded siblings with a barge poll.

Yanbu it's normal.

thebody · 04/04/2012 13:02

Boomerang, interesting fart comparison and all been there.

blubberyboo · 04/04/2012 13:04

i think we are programmed by nature to seek out our own offspring...we love their smells no matter how bad, how they look, and we want to look after them....and bond with them. its to ensure the species survives if you like...its that primative

yanbu as most ppl do prefer their own kids to others.

but i do have to ask why bother go and visit if you were going to dislike it that much? 4 months seems an awfully long time to visit the baby of a close friend...and if not that close why bother at all?

the other mum obviously thought you were there to see her baby and to compare etc..i don't think she was being rude she probably just thought the whole purpose of the visit was to have a cuddle of each others babies.... and she probably was just as glad to swap them back after a while

DonInKillerHeels · 04/04/2012 13:05

I don't mind other people's children, and I like a bit of a random baby cuddle, but I could take them or leave them (and I really don't like other babies' bodily fluids (eugh) whereas I even pick DS nose for him....ahem Grin ).

However, if I so much as smile adoringly at another baby, DS gets enormously jealous, so no more random baby cuddles for me :(

Original poster
Boomerwang · 04/04/2012 20:26

blubberyboo it was a friend of my boyfriend's. He was looking after his two kids that day while his girlfriend worked, and just asked if we fancied coming over for a bit.

And I had NO idea that was how I would feel about someone else's baby. That's why I said I was confused about my feelings, about why I was turned off by this other person's baby. I wasn't expecting to feel that way (although I wasn't expecting the other baby to be so big either - and I don't know WHY that matters so much??)

I have no idea why my boyfriend waited 4 months to see his friend's new child, especially when he held his friend's first child the day after it was born. I can only think that time, my pregnancy and childbirth and work were factors.

OP posts:
WibblyBibble · 04/04/2012 20:30

YANBU and it's completely bizarre that someone would just hand a baby to someone else to feed/burp! I thought FFers were supposed to do the feeding while cuddling the baby to bond with it or somesuch nonsense, so that it works the same way as BFing (except that they get to do it with both parents instead of just the one with breasts)? But even if they are not er mad hippies like that, then I don't get why anyone would think a stranger might want to feed and burp their giant spawn. Madness.

Original poster
Boomerwang · 04/04/2012 20:32

Maybe it's something to do with it being the daddy who offered the baby to me. Perhaps men, or just him, assume all women want to play with other people's babies.

OP posts:
poolet · 04/04/2012 20:48

I don't hold other people's babies and was never very happy to hand mine over to friends or family members who wanted to hold mine.

I thought I was strange but I'm glad to learn I'm not.

YADNBU.

LucyGoose · 04/04/2012 21:18

I don't hold babies, even nephews, and one day when the youngest was about 3 months old, she practically threw him into my arms. She just couldn't understand why I don't go crazy with babies....

blubberyboo · 04/04/2012 21:26

ah right i just assumed the mum was there too and thought it strange that you would go round to visit all of a sudden just after giving birth..it does almost sound as tho you were invited over to help out with the other kids given that you are now an expert lol

honestly i think you are worrying about nothing - we all feel the same like a cat protecting our kittens really. we only want to hold our own babies especially when they are newborns ( your hormones are still raging too)

when my ds now 4 mths was born we were invited to a family xmas dinner. all the nieces and nephews were there..i didn't really want other ppl handling him and other kids touching him with their little germy hands and sneezing around him or trying to touch his things etc( over reaction yes) i just cringed a lot and i wasn't interested in holding other ppl's kids either.
my husband has a niece who is 11 weeks older than my DS and she looked huge compared to him...i remember feeling very sad that in 11 weeks my DS would also be that size like i didn't want him to get bigger. of course you don't notice them growing so much but if i were to put him beside a newborn now he would of course be massive

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