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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think my neighbours are all freaks and we are the normal ones?

72 replies

AwkwardMary · 03/04/2012 18:16

Basically we live in a nice area...villagey cross suburb so semi rural.

DD is 7...I let her play out in front of the house as we live in a quiet cul de sac and there is hardly any traffic. She is the only child allowed out apart from a small gang of boys aged 11 plus.

There is an 8 year old girl over the road who is never outside alone, and a couple of boys aged about 7 or 8 at the end of the road who are also never out alone.

Because the cul de sac leads to a mainish road, my DD can't really leave the street...she's only 7 and I feel that's a bit too dodgy...but it's a real shame the local kids n the cul de sac aren't out playing too.

My other DD is only 4 so too young to tear about alone with the older one (can't quite trust older DD to look out for herself and her sister yet)

Ok...yes, I can arrange playdates but it's so not the same as having local friends who you play out with casually. DDs school friends are all very spread out...the child over the road is Catholic and goes to the catholic primary and I thnk the little lads are in a different local school

I am tempted to move because I think both DDs will miss out...the little girl opposite waves from the window at DD when she's out on her bike... On the bright side, she has a couple of mates who live about half a mile away and I think when they're all a bit bigger they can go around to one anothers houses...but not yet.

Are we alone in this situation and are my neighbours weird for not letting 7 and 8 year olds out to play?

OP posts:

lesley33 · 04/04/2012 09:20

rosemaryandthyme - They change what they are doing when young as they go along. Its not like making a date to play football. So they will get together and then say want to play tag, or lets pretend I'm x and you are y, or tell each other silly jokes, etc. And it changes all the time when they are young. So one minute a game of tag turns into a game of lets pretend which turns into them joking about something, or practising dance steps or singing silly songs.

Don't your kids play like this in the house? Kids at this age who are mad keen in something like football will stick with it for a long period of play. But most kids will drift in and out of games and joking about.

ChunkyPickle · 04/04/2012 09:27

MIL and I were talking about this at the weekend - the area around her used to be full of gangs of children roaming from garden to garden to play, cadging snacks from various parents.

Now it's silent - all the kids stick to their own gardens if they're out at all. Seems a bit sad.

pinkbraces · 04/04/2012 09:34

yes, your normal the rest are freaks :)

lesley33 · 04/04/2012 09:39

rosemaryandthyme - And I can understand the kids looking confused when you ask them what they are going to play. It is like if your DP asked you what you were going to talk about when you planned to meet up with a friend. You just wouldn't know. And they don't know what they are going to play, they will decide together.

whatsallthefuss · 04/04/2012 09:41

i'm quite relaxed about my 8 yr Old. i teach her to ride safely on the roads and make sure she only goes on quiet ones, i let her scoot round the block on her own or with friends, but i always tell her ' you are responsible for you. take care of yourself'

she takes personal responsibility for herself and doesnt do anything she doesnt feel comfortable with.

DH on the other hand, wont let her ride on the road, makes her ride on the path, wont let her go to the park without accompanying her.

to me.... it feels like he is saying he doesnt trust her, but he says he doesnt trust everyone else.

D0G · 04/04/2012 09:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HeartsJandJ · 04/04/2012 09:46

We live in a large village with a park down my end of the village and quite busy roads all through because there are lots of plant & veg nurseries around.

It seems round here that from about 8ish the children down my end are allowed out in groups to the park and then children from about 10ish are allowed on their own from the top end.

DD is only 3 so I spend a lot of time hanging around the blasted park pushing her on swings, etc and thus able to see the different age groups coming and going.

Writing this down it all seems normal and what I would do ... but when DD does ask to go out on her own I think I might be more of a play-in-the-back-garden type. Or stalk her round the park hiding behind trees to make sure she's safe. Could obviously then frighten the bejasus out of other kids ... it is a minefield!

HeartsJandJ · 04/04/2012 09:46

Not the park obviously, that's quite safe from incendiary devices.

D0G · 04/04/2012 09:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

AwkwardMary · 04/04/2012 09:50

It's a shame....I worry about the development of children today. How the hell do these kids cope when they're suddenly expected to get to high school at 11? And then to perhaps meet friends in town at around 13?

My neices are ten and 11 and have never been out alone...when they go to high school they won't even be able to cross a road safely!

OP posts:

D0G · 04/04/2012 09:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Whatmeworry · 04/04/2012 10:04

I think there needs to be a "reclaim the streets" movement for children.

D0G · 04/04/2012 10:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RedHelenB · 04/04/2012 10:20

DOG what does nt mean?

RosemaryandThyme · 04/04/2012 10:22

I think the playing out thing does encourage idependence of thought and can see if I'm honest that it helps build friendships - I think though it is unsafe and often quite chilly in the UK, I also think it is a mind-set for parents, those who can non-anxiously let their children out alone at 7 are just totally different parents to me, not better or woarse just totally different.

duckdodgers · 04/04/2012 10:34

Im so glad I live in a street that its normal for all the kids to play outside. I live in a council house but its not an estate, just a pretty normal street and theres a park 10 minutes away. My 9 year old DS has been going out by himself for at least 2 years. He goes for other friends in the street, is in and out peoples gardens (as they are in our garden), playing on bikes and scooters etc, exploring the local area e.g fields etc, imaginative play, generally hanging around, relaxing and having fun with a group of friends.

When they go to the park they can do all this plus play on the equipment there to. Im genuinely a bit at someone not seeing the point in all of this - its part of growing up and most of all fun!!

I feel so sad that some parents are so over protective these days but at the end of the day its their choice with their own children.

HarryRedknappsDog · 04/04/2012 10:35

Why wouldn't you want your kids out playing? If you live on a busy road then it's not always practical, but if you live in a low traffic area it makes sense to let them out.

My DS 5.5 plays out with his friends who are all 5 or 6 in our street every day, as does my DD 8.

Far from letting them out, kids in or street are practically kicked outside if it's a dry day.

I read in the DM every day about overweight children and Xbox addicts, but all the kids in my street are like whippets. If they're not running, they're roller skating, skateboarding, cycling etc.

Mimishimi · 04/04/2012 11:41

My mum used to let us out to play in our small country town to play with neighborhood kids. When I was eight ( so my brothers were 6 and 5), I was sexually molested by a boy in his late teens. At rye time, I had been playing at a friend's house and their mother was busy cooking in the kitchen. He came into the yard and told me that my mum wanted him to take me home.He had been to court over similar cases but not in our area. My brothers ran home and told my mum I had gone off with someone. Obviously it became a police matter and he went to jail for it but I was terrified for a number of years that he would seek revenge. It was with a sense of relief that I later hears he had OD'd. Looking back, I can hardly believe my mum let us out to play so young. The rule was that we had to come back when the streetlights came on but we were way too young. Mum had some hippy type ideas about 'free-range kids as did many back then. There is no way any child of mine will be out playing in the neighborhood, unsupervised( unless it's a well-supervised official playdate or sleepover , before they reach puberty. My parents had warned me about stranger danger but he wasn't a stranger to me, I had seen him around the neighborhood for at least a month. Children do not have the emotional maturity to make the decisions that you think they would.

Proudnscary · 04/04/2012 12:58

I am amazed people wouldn't let their 7 year olds play out in a cul de sac!

We used to live in a cul de sac with a big green in the middle (London) and we let the dc play out for hours - they were 8 and 6.

As long as there is no or next to no traffic and you can see them from the window to check every 10 mins or so what's the problem?

JustHecate · 04/04/2012 14:43

redhelen - neurotypical.

They are not nt = they have autism.

I apologise. 'nt' is a well used term on here. I should not have assumed that everyone knows what it means. If someone hasn't come across it before, they wouldn't have a clue. Sorry.

HarryRedknappsDog · 04/04/2012 18:34

Mimishimi I was abducted by a paedophile when I was 7, and had to go to court where he was prosecuted. Despite this I have tried not to let that horrendous experience cloud my judgement about letting my children play out.

It crosses my mind every time they go out, but they need to live their lives, have fun and have friends.

lesley33 · 04/04/2012 18:47

That is awful Harry!

Sadly most children are abused by people trusted by the family - fathers, brothers, uncles, babysitters, etc.

The real danger in playing out is traffic and how much of a risk this is varies very much depending on where you live and the age of your children. But at some stage children do need to learn to cope outside without adults. After all parents can't still be accompanying their kids everywhere by teh time they are 16. And imo kids learn more safely if they gradually learn how to negotiate the outside world.

I actually feel quite sorry for the teenagers I know who suddenly have to go from being accompanied everywhere to finding their way across town for example, without much preparation in between.

I also think you can end up with kids who are pretty immature and irresponsible for their age as they have never learned to cope with even the most basic situations by themselves.

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