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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my neighbours are all freaks and we are the normal ones?

72 replies

AwkwardMary · 03/04/2012 18:16

Basically we live in a nice area...villagey cross suburb so semi rural.

DD is 7...I let her play out in front of the house as we live in a quiet cul de sac and there is hardly any traffic. She is the only child allowed out apart from a small gang of boys aged 11 plus.

There is an 8 year old girl over the road who is never outside alone, and a couple of boys aged about 7 or 8 at the end of the road who are also never out alone.

Because the cul de sac leads to a mainish road, my DD can't really leave the street...she's only 7 and I feel that's a bit too dodgy...but it's a real shame the local kids n the cul de sac aren't out playing too.

My other DD is only 4 so too young to tear about alone with the older one (can't quite trust older DD to look out for herself and her sister yet)

Ok...yes, I can arrange playdates but it's so not the same as having local friends who you play out with casually. DDs school friends are all very spread out...the child over the road is Catholic and goes to the catholic primary and I thnk the little lads are in a different local school

I am tempted to move because I think both DDs will miss out...the little girl opposite waves from the window at DD when she's out on her bike... On the bright side, she has a couple of mates who live about half a mile away and I think when they're all a bit bigger they can go around to one anothers houses...but not yet.

Are we alone in this situation and are my neighbours weird for not letting 7 and 8 year olds out to play?

OP posts:
gabsid · 03/04/2012 18:52

My DS(7) is not allowed out. Firstly, I couldn't trust him to be sensible. Secondly, there are kids out around the corner his 'once best friend' picked up really bad behaviours (weeing everywhere and some rude stuff) and thirdly, his friend was bullied by some others.

I don't need all this, we can have friends round or he can meet up with friends to do stuff or to go to someone's house when he is older.

And that suits me, my DS and is suitable for the area we live in.

Llanbobl · 03/04/2012 18:55

I'm a grouch - we have a back garden and DD is welcome to play there with friends. I don't like children out on the street playing - why should your noisy kids be outside my house - if you're fed up of them and have sent them out, why should I put up with it, is the tack I take. I have been known to tell them to clear off and go and shout their lungs out outside their own house or kick their ball against their own house wall. Strangely no parent has ever taken umbrage at this approach.

I also work from home and children out all hours can be quite distracting after a while (and why oh why must girlks squeal so much?).Some people work shifts, so again the noise children playing makes can be a nuisance.

I don't have a problem with children playing, I love hearing laughter, giggles and shrieks of delight (even their "disputes") , but from my (and their) back garden.

Why not invite the neighbours round for coffee and to play?

Original poster
AwkwardMary · 03/04/2012 20:09

I said above that I asked the neighbour round and she has never took me up on it....I am respectable! Nice! Well presented, my DD is also only allowed on the lawn and drive (no fences here apart from at the back) and I am obviously not a weirdo or anything...I might ask her again tbh....she's chatty...maybe she's one of those people who need a couple of asks before she would think of actually DOING somethiing about it.

This thread is about me really isnt it? Grin

Why won't the local Mummies play out wth me!!?? I may knock tomorrow and say "Are you coming out to play Vicky?"

Grin
OP posts:
Goawaybob · 03/04/2012 21:19

My DD is 6, i wouldnt let her out on her own, i don't know anyone else who would either. We are all freaks down here though Hmm

dixiechick1975 · 03/04/2012 21:29

Just a thought is the other girl still at school this week.

All the catholic schools near here don't finish until Thursday.

If she is off then maybe you and your DD could pop around and see if she wants to come over and play.

My DD is 6. I don't let her play out unsupervised which makes her the odditity on our estate. The two older girls next door do come in and play/play in our garden though.

Bohica · 03/04/2012 21:29

Llanbobl If only it was a case of me being fed up with them and chucking them out!!

I enjoy the weekends after a long week at work and would like my girls to help out a bit more now they are older but they are up, chores whizzed through and friends banging on the door before I have finished my 3rd coffee.

I liturally have to drag them in at tea time and the phone is constantly ringing telling me "we are at Ellie's" "we are now at Phoeb's" "Can everyone have dinner at our house?"

We are lucky that it is a quiet horseshoe road with lots of families and a little park at the end and I would'nt take exception to people telling them to be quiet!

ChippingInNeedsCoffee · 03/04/2012 21:39

Bohica - it sounds brilliant - like my childhood, so many kids miss out on that these days :(

Bohica · 03/04/2012 21:48

They love it, I on the other hand spend most of my weekend scrubbing the kitchen just so I can look out of the window and make sure they are ok!

And don't get us started on how many snacks and drinks a street full of children can get through Grin

CremeEggThief · 03/04/2012 21:48

Bohica, any houses up for rent or sale in your crescent? It sounds fab!
OP, try inviting your neighbour and/or her DD, as it's a long time since you originally invited them.

Bohica · 03/04/2012 21:50

Creme funny enough we have all been here for years with no plans to move untill all the children and their nosiy playing move away

Original poster
AwkwardMary · 03/04/2012 21:53

Well this is what I hanker after Bohica...it's what I had. But I grew up on a massive council estate in the 70s...I feel like I moved from there looking for something better and found PART of that "better" but lost a precious thing in doing so.

OP posts:
wigglesrock · 03/04/2012 22:00

My dds have started to play out in the "courtyard" at the back of all our houses, they started to go out when the good weather smiled on us Grin they are 6 and 4. They go out for about 90 mins after school and for a bit after dinner, which strangely now is eaten with no complaint!

Sometimes I take pity on the hordes of children and throw out a packet of custard creams but I just usually leave them to make up dances and hang upside down from various slides, swings etc. I can always hear and see them. All the children go to different schools, we live a bit away from dd1s primary school, so she is the only one here that goes to that school.

mynewpassion · 03/04/2012 22:02

YABU. Parents have to do what they feel is comfortable.

And if you are as awkward as your name, maybe the way you went about inviting the other mom and daughter over might have frightened them or think you are weird and don't want to associate with you on a personal level.

Flyonthewindscreen · 03/04/2012 22:07

We live also in a semi rural area but my DC (now 8 and 10) have been playing out out in the cul-de sac along with the neighbours kids (all at the same school) since age 6/7. At 9/10 kids tend to be allowed "all round the village" with a mobile. Which since I was posting a few days ago about how long to ground my 10 yo after he was caught running across the main road, is a mixed blessing. The whole playing out thing, for me also a mixed blessing. Fab for the kids but often a nuisance/worry for parents. Do you think in a year or two your neighbours might become a bit less cautious?

MrsMuddyPuddles · 03/04/2012 22:11

AwkwardMary do you invite her over for a specific time, or is it a general "come by for a cuppa" type non invitation? Some people (like me!) need "would you like to come over on Sat a 2 for a cuppa?" rather than a general "drop by anytime" invite. For me, it's because I'm not certain that I'd actually be welcome if I turned up if it's a "drop by" type invite. Confused

pumpkinsweetie · 03/04/2012 22:14

My eldest dcs are 6 & 9 and i do not let them out on their own either.
Think everyone has a right to parent how they want so yabu to call them weird.
Theres too much danger on the streets now even cul de sacs-so many peadophiles, gangs, traffic. I like to know where my children are-my friends son nearly got snatched once in a neighbouring town by a strange man in a car who turned out to be a known child molester. The only reason he was saved is because someone walking by witnesed it-grabbed him away and called the police.

GeekPie · 03/04/2012 22:14

YANBU

I let my nearly 5 yo play out on our small cul de sac. There are usually 2 or 3 other children playing out aged between 4-10 years. They just ride up and down on their bikes, and what not. It's fairly normal round here.

LancsDad · 04/04/2012 02:37

We live in a semi-rural village with only a 50m walk till you're on a river bank. We [mostly me - my OH was more concerned] have let our 2 eldest out from about 8 - now 13 & 10.

I loved the freedom as a kid of being able to play out and explore and feel it's important for kids to experience this. In some ways there is more control than when I was a kid - mobile phone and texts to come home or "dinner's ready" or can I go to xyz place.

The older one is now at an age where she would rather listen to music or play guitar with her friends than go outside. The younger one is still out a lot playing football, cricket, climbing trees, fishing - all the stuff I did. They did get told off by their mum when they came back soaking wet having been swimming in the river, however.

I believe they are only young once and should be able to have fun.

lesley33 · 04/04/2012 06:03

RosemaryandThyme - Its up to you if you let your kids out alone, but I am a bit taken aback tbh that you don't see the point of kids hangingabout and playing out.

Don't you ever just hang out with your adult friends? I do and I did as a kid. Being with friends can be fun without purposeful activity. Yes like adults, sometimes you hang out or play with friends as a kid and it is boring and sometimes it is great fun.

lesley33 · 04/04/2012 06:08

Mary - I totally understand what you mean when you say you feel you have lost something now that your kids have no-one to play out with. I think its great fun and valuable for kids to play out with other local kids where it is safe. But in many areas now parents are much much more safety conscious and protective of their kids, so many parents won't let their kids play out alone until they are really too old to want to do this.

Unfortunately there is nothing you can do about other people's parenting, although we all try on here by giving our wise advice Grin. All you can do is arrange for your DCs to see other kids though play dates, etc.

lesley33 · 04/04/2012 06:10

Mary - sorry didn't really answer your AIBU.
So yes you are NBU - you are normal and everyone else are freaks.
Grin

RosemaryandThyme · 04/04/2012 08:35

Lesley - what do they actually do though ?

We have had some children knock to ask ours out to play, when I say what are you playing ? (I'd be more than happy if they were going off for a game of football or something, anything) they just look shifty and gormless.

RedHelenB · 04/04/2012 08:53

I am gobsmacked that an 11 & 12 year old have never been off the path without an adult!!

Whatmeworry · 04/04/2012 08:56

I do think it's sad that the other kids can't play outside, given that I bet all their parents were able to.

I wonder what those other parents' reasoning is.

cricketballs · 04/04/2012 09:15

interesting thread given the bbc news this morning running a piece from newsround's 40th birthday celebrations. They have run a survey about the freedom that kids have now compared to when newsround started

link here

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