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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that it makes sense for my teenage DS to have the big bedroom while I have the small one

38 replies

CrockoDuck · 03/04/2012 17:33

Today I was told that he was "spoilt" because of this.

It's just the two of us and we have a flat with one big room and one very small one.

He (15) spends loads of time in his room and has mates over etc. Has his Xbox, TV, desk for homework and loads of DVDs & games etc.

Sadly for me, I do nothing in my bedroom except sleep so I've squashed my double bed in (just fits) and some clothes rails and have everything I need.

So what's the problem? Why, because I'm the grown up (even though he's bigger than me now) should I automatically get the bigger room? And do you think this means he's "spoilt"?

OP posts:

EmilyPollifaxInnocentTourist · 03/04/2012 17:34

It's what I did.

Makes the most sense.

McHappyPants2012 · 03/04/2012 17:35

Sounds practical to me

SuePurblybilt · 03/04/2012 17:36

My 5yo has the big room, I have the small one. Why on earth not? As you say - they spend more time in their rooms playing and with friends. They need space for all their stuff. I only need a bed and a wardrobe in mine - I have the rest of the house for my stuff.

I also get comments but, unless you have a den or playroom, I think it's logical.

FrozenChocolate · 03/04/2012 17:37

I know people who have done this. It's a really practical solution imo, unless you do what I do and also use your bedroom as storage for stuff eg christmas things!

bronze · 03/04/2012 17:37

Makes sense to me

WilsonFrickett · 03/04/2012 17:37

Well you live in your bedroom at that age, don't you, whereas as a grown-up you just sleep there and live in the rest of the house. Meh, don't think YABU.

LeQueen · 03/04/2012 17:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NettoSuperstar · 03/04/2012 17:38

I plan to do this for DD.
Currently the rooms are a similar size, if that changes, she'll get the biggest one.

OriginalJamie · 03/04/2012 17:39

One of my sons has the biggest room in the house, He needs it to house his extensive Lego collection (by "house", I mean "spread all over the floor"). The other has a smaller, cosy room because he loves to be tidy and to read. We have a small room because the bigger the room, the more mess I make.

everlong · 03/04/2012 17:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chitterchatter · 03/04/2012 17:42

I think you are being a kind, thoughtful mum. Ignore any negative comments as IMO it makes perfect sense - you're not 'spoiling' him at all. Anyway, you can claim the big room back if/when he eventually leaves home!!

AgentZigzag · 03/04/2012 17:43

Who said he's spoilt?

Anyone who has any say on who has what room in your house?

If not, it's got nowt to do with them.

Original poster

CrockoDuck · 03/04/2012 17:46

Ah...you're all so lovely and pragmatic, so you are. As always :)

ZigZag - it was an old friend who hasn't visited since we moved in. She said..."Hang on, you're in the tiny room while he gets the big one?? You spoil him, you really do".

Silly cow

OP posts:

Confuseddd · 03/04/2012 17:47

It is important for teens to know who is in charge and that you as the parent are top of the pecking order. As long as he knows this, then fine. But exhibiting lower status through making do so they can have more can lead to an imbalance in the relationship and issues over respect - behavioural psychology innit?

I have seen plenty of teenagers who are given material things in the absence of discipline and it causes misery in family relationships and leaves them badly adjusted to finding work and becoming independent.

everlong · 03/04/2012 17:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AgentZigzag · 03/04/2012 17:52

Could have just been a throw away remark?

I'm sure she didn't think you'd say 'Blimey, you're right, we're going to swap back immediately now you've pointed it out '

You've got good reasons for him to have the bigger room, now he'll have more room to keep in a mess

JustHecate · 03/04/2012 17:56

No, you don't. You are being reasonable. That's his only space. He does more in there than you do, so it makes sense for him to have the large room.

TattyDevine · 03/04/2012 17:58

Just in your friend's defence, saying "you spoil him" is very different to saying "he is spoilt". She is recognising the personal sacrifice you have made and probably thinks you are a fab mum because of it.

everlong · 03/04/2012 18:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Confuseddd · 03/04/2012 18:07

Yes, everlong - just putting the other view across really. Though I was a bit 'ooh handbags!' that she calls her friend a 'silly cow' over this.

Shakirasma · 03/04/2012 18:07

Our DD's have got the big bedroom and myself and DH have got the middle sized bedroom.

It means they can have single beds and a bit of their own space rather than stuffed in together in bunk beds.

Your set up makes perfect sense to me, as you have the whole house and only use your bedroom to sleep in, whereas your son's room is pretty much his living space.

If it works for you it is nobody elses business, they get to choose the set up in their own home.

Original poster

CrockoDuck · 03/04/2012 18:51

ZigZag Might have been, we've known each other for years - but she's one of those people who you're never quite sure of, y'know? It just made me wonder whether I was being a bit indulgent - I'm not normally!

Confusedd That's a valuable point, and one I make myself aware of from time to time. It's just the two of us, and I've always made sure he knows that I'm in charge and make the decisions. Always.

Reminds me of when he got his first bank account, and got letters addressed to "Master Duck". He thought it meant that they were acknowledging that he was the "master" of the house! Put him right on that one very quickly

OP posts:

Original poster

CrockoDuck · 03/04/2012 18:54

JustHecate You might be right, actually. Didn't think of it like that.

Feel bad for calling her a silly cow now . She's not really.

And, anyway, if we ARE going over the top and spoiling our kids, who can tell us but our oldest friends, right?

Think I may have been a bit of a drama queen.

OP posts:

JustHecate · 03/04/2012 19:01

I think you meant Tatty?

carabos · 03/04/2012 19:02

YANBU. Very sensible. We did a similar thing in that in our 3 bedroom house we made had the DSs share a room and turned the third bedroom into an extra sitting room so that they could put all their machines, gadgets, musical instruments, books general crap in there and had somewhere to sit with their mates. We had our bedroom and the main sitting room. DCs could have sat with us if they'd wanted, but fact is, teens like their own space. Sharing a bedroom wasn't a problem for them as all they did was sleep in it, but obviously this wouldn't be an option if they were different genders.

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