OMG what a total knob!!!

[workshy]

I'm not asking if I'm being unreasonable because I know I'm not but I know this is a good place to rant

private arangement with the ex for child support based very loosely around CSA calculations and the number of nights he has them was taken into account when we agreed the payment -he pays less than he would have to if we went through the CSA, and is pretty much paying £20 a week for 2 DCs (it's actually less than this as he pays £80 a month)

he is having them for the 2nd week of the school holidays so he has informed me he will only be paying £60 this month as he is having them for a week and that I should give him £20 as he will be having them for a week and that's what he gives me

well he can jog on!!!
tosser!

I don't go through the CSA as he is a knob and has threatened to cut contact etc if I do -I work weekends so as much as I say it through gritted teeth, I need him to have them alternate weekends otherwise I will have to pack my job in -CSA is based on his income not mine so I would be significantly worse off if I did

however I am still allowed to chunter

Haven't his under-payments been agreed by the OP though? It seems unfair people are saying he's getting away with this when actually there's been a agreement. I don't think he should be paid any money but I can see why he doesn't think he should pay that week's maintenance when he will be the one maintaining them for that week

Kitty. I say again. The fact he has them for two weeks in the year has already been factored in to the calculation. He is asking for it to count twice !

And besides just because he has the dcs for 1 week doesn't mean the op still doesn't have to pay to keep a roof over their heads.

It's outrageous that he would begrudge her £20, if my dh said that to his ex wife about his dcs i would be disgusted with him.

Send them with just the clothes on their backs and see how far his £20 goes then....

How does he think you can support them on only £80 per month? Tell him to get lost when he asks for the £20. I cannot believe the posters who think he should get this rebate.

My ex took my kids on holiday for one week after he'd been gone for about three years. He shouted at me, "Do you know how much they eat?"

Honeydragon

Don't want to hijack the thread, however don't think it was the same person LOL probably more common than you think.

When the children moved back my OH didn't pay her maintenance for six months despite her demanding it the first week they were back! She threatened CSA, we said fine, go ahead did you know that CSA and DWP work in partnership, and it might get found out that you have continued claiming child benefit and child-related tax credits for the six months even though the children were not living with you, to the tune of thousands!

We have the children 50/50 anyway, so really she would have done us a favour if she'd gone to CSA as by the time we get an allowance for the shared care, and for my children who live with me all the time she'd have had a pittance!

Amazing how these women get away with it!

Kitty if you can't understand the basic maths, I'd stop commenting if I were you.

imperial CM is not supposed to be enough to support DCs though - it is a contribution, paid to the RP who is considered financially responsible for them.

If the OP and her ex were still together, and he had a low paid job, then the DCs would have a standard of living that reflected the low income into the household, and the OPs wages would pay for the DCs as well. If he's not earning much, then where is he supposed to find the money? It is inevitable that DCs are going to have a lower standard of living than they would have done if their patents were together - the combined income of their parents is paying for the cost of two homes, not one.

But, as NRP, he has a choice whether to spend on extras or not - and the CSA calculations take into account the fact that the DCs spend a proportion of nights per year at his home - that adjustment has already been made, and if he can't afford to pay out for treats, then there's plenty to do that costs very little

Hiya, not read all the thread because I am lazy busy, but if he reduces the payment then he has an extra £20, if you also them have to give him money he is being paid twice for that week. Sorry he this has already been pointed out.

actually the DCs have a better standard of living since he moved out but that isn't the point

we both decided to have 2 DCs so why should only 1 parent contribute financially (especially since I refuse to tell te DCs what he is really like and they have put him on a pedestal)

Can I ask why you are reluctant to go to the CSA?

£1.42 per child, per day.

You should be grateful OP.

[sarcasm]

Honestly there are some thick fucks in this world.

Bum.. Just typed a long reply and lost it grrr....

Anyway.. I have a DC with my ~XP. I get paid a small amount monthly (still more than the OP though). My DH has two DC, he pays his XP a lot.

It isn't fair IMO. However, I have learnt over the years to just suck it up. If the other party is being a knob about it there isn't any thing to be gained by getting upset about it. It truly is not worth it.

My XP pays his small amount - which is no way covers 50 % of DS's costs. Even school trips, music lessons etc are to be funded from that. I do ask for more towards this extra things but it falls on deaf ears. He never, ever takes him on holiday or for an extra night - nothing. This makes me v grrr... I send him a list of school holidays, and what we have planned but he takes all his work holidays in term time in order to take his young, pre-school DC on holiday - meaning that my DC can't go away as not allowed to take time out of school.

DH pays his XP quite a lot IMO. In addition to the CM which is above CSA levels he contributes 50% of school uniform, school trips (incl £900 ski trip!), private optical treatments - don't ask - and whatever else crops up. Also we take them on good holidays and a lot of days out. Oh, and buy them clothes as and when requested. We also have them on extra nights - more than the calculations for CSA dictate.

So - in effect my DH is supporting quite a lot of families.... (esp as his XP hasn't worked for many years - but complains about having no money.. Humph!_

I have come to the conclusion though that there is just no point in letting it bother you. It is a temporary problem - the DC will all grow up at some point and will be self supporting.

The money is important - yes - as is the attitude of the parent who pays the ~CM - but if they are being a cock there is nothing to be done. Yes, you can go through the CSA - and may be get more money. But it is in situations like this when knobheads show their true colours.

OP - don't give him the £20 for the holidays. If he short pays you by £20 threaten him with CSA re calculation. In fact - I would do that anyway.

I hope you work something out - as it just isn't right.

x

SK am I to assume that you think I'm one of them?

Leaving aside for a moment the fact that I am both receiving CM from my ex and effectively paying my DPs exW maintenance on his behalf as I'm the only income earner at the moment - why am I thick for pointing out that a parent can only financially support their DC's to the extent that their income permits - irrelevant of whether they are mother, father, living together, separated, resident or non-resident.

My DP was paying his ex several hundred £ a month as calculated by the CSA until last Christmas - but he's been made redundant. He is going further into debt every month in order to survive; his exW gets £5 a week via the CSA for two DCs. No-one believes that is enough to cover even a % of the costs of the DCs - we know it's not, it's a pittance, no more.

But, if he were still living with his exW when he'd been made redundant, then she would have been supporting the family from her income alone - just as she is now. What's the difference?

When I go on holiday for a week I don't get to not pay my mortgage. CM is based on the same principle - it's the money you need to maintain your kids. So OP still has to pay the rent, the standing charge on the electricity even when the DCs aren't there. She still has to have a house standing for the children to come back to.

That said, I also say CSA on his ass.

Go to the Csa
I wish I had done it years ago as my xp used to manipulate me in the same way....but funnily enough when he couldn't have our son on his weekends my maintenance never went up!!!!!
Best thing I ever did was go to the Csa!

I wasn't talking to you NODM - sensitive much? but if you think that quibbling over twenty quid when the op receives the grand and stunning sum of one pound and forty two pence per day, per child to feed, house, clothe, keep warm, wash etc etc them then, yes - I think that's a pretty thick stance to take.

Leave off with the projection of your own circumstances. I do happen to think its pretty disgusting to only be paying a fiver a week for two kids, buts let's not get personal eh?

That last sentence came out far harsher than I intended. I meant to say "best to leave our own personal circumstances out of this, it's not helpful to the op"

SK I've never suggested that the OP should agree to her ex withholding the £20 though - the principle set by the CSA is very clear and the OP said that she and her ex used the same way of calculating CB. My comments about parents paying what they can afford were in response to the incredulous comments (like yours) regarding the amount the OP is receiving and the expectation that she should have more because DCs cost more than that to raise.

Yes, your last sentence was harsh and everyone brings their own experience to their posts - out of interest, how much of my DDs maintenance should I be giving to my DPs ex, in your opinion?

Do you want to do this? Really?

I've already said once that my original post wasn't directed at you, but you're clearly feeling chippy, so let's go for it shall we?

The money goes to your dp's ex eh?...how very interesting that you view it that way.

A fiver a week towards the raising of two children, I like that you acknowledge that this comes nowhere near the actual cost the resident parent is paying out, but with the BOOHOO caveat that you can't afford it. Well, fuck me! I see that you view a child support payment as acontribution towards a child's upkeep? A fiver probably buys 8 x sausages and a bag of potatoes.

Are you all living on that? Your hypocrisy is hilarious ( if it weren't sickening)

If I were you, I'd stop defending men like the OP's feckless partner just to crowbar your own pointless shit onto a thread.

HTH

Although I don't agree with keeping personal circumstances out of posts SK, most of us don't have anything else to go on, I agree with the rest of what you've said.

£1.42 is an alarmingly small amount when you see it written like that.

Well yes. 35p per day per child is also pretty shocking isn't it?

As is nothing per day per child, but yet we continue, as a society to berate RP parents who demand such paltry sums as money grabbers and that they should be grateful that they get anything at all, thereby leaving these men completely off the hook.

It's a vile way to behave. We should be supporting the OP, not questioning as to whether she is entitled to a couple of quid a day towards the financial care of her children FFS.

35p, just enough to get them both an apple each if you shopped around.

Lucky them.

Not even enough to get them a loaf of bread between them.