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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Dead phone battery = drama, ABIU?

44 replies

OleaAndMarge · 31/03/2012 11:51

I went out with some friends last night, during the night my phone battery died and I wasn't able to text DP that I'd be back at his a bit late.

Got back quite late at night, he'd gone to bed and was fast asleep. I was furious that he had gone to bed without checking to see if I was ok (when I turned my phone on, there was only one message) and he said that he thought I wasn't there because "I'd gone to stay somewhere else" (I have no idea where he thought I would have gone!)

Cue arguing, he's gone to work now after another mini argument and I still feel really unsettled. It really affected me that he wasn't bothered if I was in the house or not, and more worrying that he assumed I'd just gone to stay at a friend's house without letting him know. I wouldn't have been able to sleep if he'd been that late back, and would have at least tried to call.. it was the sheer indifference as to where I was that upset me, not to mention the fact that I was obviously upset and he just ignored it.

However, am I being unreasonable? Should he have made more of an effort to message or find out where I was? Or am I being unreasonable, and should I have just let it go? What do I do now?? Do I apologise? Help!

OP posts:
LottieJenkins · 31/03/2012 11:54

Why didnt you text him on a friends phone??? Hmm

LottieJenkins · 31/03/2012 11:55

Sorry that Hmm should have been a Confused!!! Blush

puds11 · 31/03/2012 11:56

i would not expect my DP to wait up for me if i was out. Im a big girl and can look after myself.
You could have called him from someone elses phone

Itsjustafleshwound · 31/03/2012 11:57

YABU - you were out with friends and he trusts you.

ENormaSnob · 31/03/2012 11:57

You should have made more effort to let him know IMO.

Yabu

He is not.

Kayzr · 31/03/2012 11:57

YABU!!

How on earth was he meant to ring or contact you if your phone was dead? Hmm

Poor bloke.

ABatInBunkFive · 31/03/2012 11:57

YABU unless you are 12 and dp is really your dad.

NoFoodwithaFace · 31/03/2012 11:58

I think he should of at least tried to get in contact as anything could of happened BUT I think it boils down to the fact you're being a bit manipulative. You wanted him and expected him to be worried about you, so you should of made more of an effort to contact him! It's like you didn't bother to get in contact because you wanted him to chase after you... if i knew DP was expecting me home, id borrow a friends phone or ask to borrow the restaurants or even a pay phone to make sure he wasn't worried!

Catsmamma · 31/03/2012 11:58

i think yabvu!!

Sounds like he was pleased you were out having a grand time. Presuming you do not live together as you say "his place"

Would you rather he be all hysterical wondering where you were, demanding to know when you'd be in? who you were with? what you were doing?

ItWasABoojum · 31/03/2012 11:59

Sorry, I think YABU - it sounds like he trusts you to take care of yourself and doesn't want to hassle you when you're out with friends. Seems like a very healthy attitude tbh, not one demonstrating indifference. I wouldn't turn it into a big thing though; maybe a casual apology is in order, but I'd put it down to you both being tired and grumpy and move on.

scurryfunge · 31/03/2012 11:59

Sorry, I wouldn't expect anyone to check on me.

PurplePidjin · 31/03/2012 12:02

My dp respects that I'm an adult and capable of taking care of myself. We live together so we let each other know plans if we're out separately, but that's courtesy.

Friday night, tired after a week of work, partner out? I'd have an early night too, just keep the phone on and nearby in case there's a problem

AnnaFender · 31/03/2012 12:05

YABU, you were the one out without a phone, you should have made the effort to contact him. As someone else said, you are an adult and your DP trusts you. You were out with friends, so presumably if 'anything' happened they could contact him. If anything he should be annoyed at you for not bothering to contact him when you ended up being later than expected. He sounds like a nice guy who was just letting you have a nice night out without making you feel guilty by phoning you/your friends frantically all night.

Also, yabu to go out, not contact your dp, come home late, and then be angry at him....I bet he is Confused

SydSaid · 31/03/2012 12:09

Is this a reverse AIBU?

I think it is a credit to the relationship that he doesn't worry about where you are and doesn't assume that you are up to no good when you are out and unreachable. Kinda like how it should be in a good relationship.

OleaAndMarge · 31/03/2012 12:11

I don't know his number off by heart - hence no texting of him. I didn't even think of that though (the power of mumsnet!)

Thanks ladies, it's good to have some perspective :) Obviously there's backstory (isn't there always) but the massive consensus of "you're wrong" is pretty persuasive!

So, more importantly, how do I apologise? without making it a big deal?

OP posts:
OrangeCrushed · 31/03/2012 12:11

Can't win these days, poor blokes, can they?

They call and text too much, and they are basically labeled stalkers or 'red flags'

Not enough and they are labeled uncaring wankers.

Get a grip OP YABU

PleaseLeaveVictor · 31/03/2012 12:12

At least he wasn't phoning you and nagging you to come home or questioning you. Yabu

Coconutty · 31/03/2012 12:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DustyDen · 31/03/2012 12:15

You were out with friends, your phone died, you came back 'quite late'.

It's possible that your DP would have been anxious or worried that you were late and that he couldn't get in contact with you. As it turns out, he wasn't, because you were out with friends and he assumed you'd have gone back to stay with one of them.

So when you got home, perhaps ready to defend yourself for not being able to contact him but instead finding no reaction, you had a go at him for not being worried/anxious.

I'd apologise.

savoycabbage · 31/03/2012 12:15

I would be Hmm if my dh was ringing/texting me to see why I hadn't rung/texted him if I was out with my friends. And I wouldn't expect him to wait up for me either. If he wants to go to sleep-he gets to go to sleep.

Kayano · 31/03/2012 12:16

Is This a pisstake?

Confused
DustyDen · 31/03/2012 12:16

Woah, I'm slow at typing. Everyone got there first.

OleaAndMarge · 31/03/2012 12:30

Wow, never had this response from a thread before!! thank you everyone :)

OP posts:
BonzoDooDah · 31/03/2012 12:39

Just say to him "sorry, I've had a think and I overreacted about last night. Tea or coffee dear?"

PurplePidjin · 31/03/2012 13:27

"Sorry for being grouchy this morning, what do you fancy for tea?" and carry on as normal