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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

'your only a little bit pregnant'

33 replies

Hoebag · 31/03/2012 11:43

How would you respond to something like that or similar comments?

I have extreme fatigue , nausea etc I was saying to someone how I've been in a lot of pain recently and I got that gem Hmm

and its not the first , I was just gobsmacked.

AIBU to want some kind of reply??

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 31/03/2012 11:46

It's a silly phrase, but perhaps they meant it as in 'If you're like this now, it's going to be a very long 9 months' sort of way?

Catsmamma · 31/03/2012 11:47

Just look at them and ask if they'd like to be a little bit dead, cos you'd be happy to assist!

fedupofnamechanging · 31/03/2012 11:48

Some people have trouble with the concept that you are either pg or you're not and can only get their head around pg if there's a bump.

Most people are aware of the fact that nausea and fatigue is very common in early pg and that your body is doing a lot of work in those early months, which just isn't visible, in the way that a bump would be.

I would ignore them or if I had the time (and inclination), point out all that is going on inside the womb at this time.

Some people are just a bit thick and you can't do much about it.

RitaMorgan · 31/03/2012 11:49

The first 3-4 months were worse than the rest of pregnancy for me anyway.

Original poster
Hoebag · 31/03/2012 11:52

I know same ere rita my first preg was alot worse being sick 5-6 times a day horrendous.

I hate the fact its almost implying your lying.

OP posts:
Newmummytobe79 · 31/03/2012 12:01

Pregnancy is the one time in life you can tell someone to f*ck off and blame it on your hormones Grin

That comment has made me really angry for you!

You are very pregnant and feeling very shite - not a little bit!

I hope you feel better soon! :)

ddsmummytobe · 31/03/2012 12:21

Ahh, brings back memories! When asked 'how far' and saying '7 weeks' (which for me at the time was very far indeed as I'd found out v-early and been counting every day) being spoken told 'oh, not really pregnant at all then really?' I went to lengths not to tell anyone else til gone 16 weeks as I felt like, without a bump of 'proof', people practically thought I was making it up! GRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 31/03/2012 12:24

What Worra said. People respond to things in sometimes odd ways. Some people will be sympathetic and others will blurt out whatever is in their heads at listening to a littany of symptoms.

SydSaid · 31/03/2012 12:25

Well your bump might be little, but the changes in your body are not little at all - those first 3 months are the hardest!

Ignore the idiot.

topshelfrita · 31/03/2012 12:28

I wonder if it's a hangover from the days when you either wouldn't know or wouldn't tell anyone until you were about 12 weeks or so? (not that this excuses it in any way, I hasten to add). All I can suggest is saying 'It sure as hell doesn't feel like just a little,' or some such. Have a hug!

StrandedBear · 31/03/2012 12:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ImperialBlether · 31/03/2012 12:46

The nausea and fatigue are understandable and both should pass after three months, but why are you in pain?

HardCheese · 31/03/2012 13:03

What catsmamma said, possibly with a side order of 'fuck off to the far side of fuck*.

I'm 40+12 with my first baby, so people are expecting me to be exhausted and feeling below par now, because I have a bump you could see from outer space, but by far the most tiring and dispiriting part of pregnancy was the first trimester, with the combination of sickness and exhaustion that did at times feel like a serious illness. For crying out loud, you are growing a whole new human being's brain, limbs, major organs etc!

Grr.

maytheoddsbeeverinyourfavour · 31/03/2012 13:05

YANBU op, the early weeks can be hard!

I also hate the attitude of 'you're pregnant not ill', we'll you know what? I was both. I wasn't 'only' pregnant I was crippled with spd and in a wheelchair so I couldn't just get on with things as normal. It's actually left me permanently disabled, so yes sometimes pregnancy can be an illness too, just because some people sail through with no problems doesn't mean everyone will

FondleWithCare · 31/03/2012 13:24

Well you're either pregnant or you're not, there's no little bit.

I had a really easy pregnancy overall but the first trimester was exhausting. I was so tired and didn't know why at first. The second and third trimesters were a breeze and that was the point that people wanted to help me with every little task. I didn't need it but I would have have appreciated more rest and help in the early stages.

TheDetective · 31/03/2012 13:41

Hoebag, if anyone said that to me right now, I'd have to severely restrain myself from feeding them something to make them vomit themselves silly.

How would they like to have constant nausea, and random vomiting day in day out, not knowing if it will stop at 12 weeks or not (in my case, it went on til 22 weeks!) I was lay in bed minding my own business yesterday morning, talking on the phone, when the vomit just randomly exploded all over my face. Lovely.

Early pregnancy is shit. Some people are lucky and get very few symptoms. Others go through hell.

Someone on our due in thread actually posted to me 'you're not dying, you're just pregnant you know'. I could have easily ripped their limbs off had it not been at the other end of the tinterweb.

I've been off sick from work since I was 7 weeks because I can't cope with the vomiting, and the fact that I wouldn't be able to work safely like this.

Spuddybean · 31/03/2012 14:06

you poor thing. I am 19 wks pg and i can say honestly that the first 3 months were the illest i have ever been. I had constant nausea, sickness, fatigue etc and on top of it all migraine, optic neuritis and a mini stroke. I was in the hospital on a weekly basis. I'm not sure if i'd have had the energy, but i like to think i would have been able to muster the strength to tell someone to fuck right off if they had said that to me.

You are very pregnant and that is the end of it!

toweraboveyou · 31/03/2012 14:19

Perhaps they meant that although you have nausea etc, at least you can still move, something which is difficult to do at 8 months.

plymouthmaid · 31/03/2012 14:19

I had that said to me when I went for a dating scan by the woman doing the scan "You have a very small pregnancy".Made me feel that I was wasting her time. I nearly punched her!!

AwkwardMary · 31/03/2012 15:23

What pain are you in? I remember the awful early sickness...but no pain. Are you ok?

SpiritOfTheSite · 31/03/2012 16:58

I have no idea what to say, even now, talking about it in retrospect it's hard to get across the sheer fatigue and nausea of early pregnancy. No, I didn't even have the luxury of being able to tell people I actually threw up, I was "just" nauseous! And by that I mean that hideous feeling you normally get right before you throw up.... for six continuous hours a day. I used to cry a bit on my way to pick ds1 up from school!

Spuddybean · 31/03/2012 18:00

I agree spirit words cannot express how bad i felt. People actually laughed and thought it was funny in a 'well it's only a bit of morning sickness' kind of way and said they felt fine during their pregnancies. Cheers for that. (like people who tell you they don't have bad period pains so imply you must be weak/exaggerating)

I started a new job a week after i found out i was pregnant so had to go thru training and meeting new people looking and feeling like death warmed up.

Honestly i thought i was going to die. I remember being on the phone to my mum crying during my lunch break and her pissing herself laughing at me and telling me i was 'rubbish at having babies'.

Eventually my body could take no more and i had a stroke and was rushed to hospital during a health and safety powerpoint presentation!

I hope you are ok OP. :)

blackeyedsusan · 31/03/2012 19:40

oh goodness. I could hardly walk in my third trimester and had rib pain but it was nothing compared to the constant nausea and completely shocking exhaustion of the first trimester. feeling like I was going to vomit now if I sat up, and mere nausea when lying down and non of the relief you get when you actually vomit with a tummy bug. 10 weeks of feeling like I was just about to be sick was horrendous. the midwife recorded it as nausea +++ "d" h had no sympathy at all, could not understand it and thought I was putting it on.

the it is only a bit of morning sickness and pregnancy is not an illness statements would have made me want to slap someone, if only I had had the energy to lift my arm...

spirit of the site it is a relief, even now after 4 yearrs to find someone who understands!

rexymepixie · 31/03/2012 19:46

my old boss used to make comments to me like that all the time.... I lost it after I'd been admitted to a&e with severe 'flu, hooked up to a drip and seriously worried that I was going to lose the baby (this was in the first trimester), and on my first day back at work after 3 weeks off on doctors orders I got "you're only a little bit pregnant....when I was pregnant...." SHE expected me to lift 10 40kg containers and used to pull me in to her office about my lack of work...... needless to say as soon as I got a job offer I was out of there!

nightowlmostly · 31/03/2012 19:52

It's all very well saying it's not an illness, but I have had to stop working at 33 weeks, as my SPD was getting so bad, and am struggling to walk for more that maybe 5 mins on a good day. So, I'm stuck at home with my DH working nights, having just moved into a new house but pretty incapable of doing any of the things that need doing. Things like moving boxes, building furniture, putting the nursery together, I just can't do it. Have been on MN a lot! Only 3 weeks to go, hopefully, can't handle the thought I may go overdue.

YANBU OP, it sucks when people don't make any effort to empathise. Just because their pregnancy might have been easy, doesn't mean it's the same for everyone! Unfortunately, this is just the start of a load of offensive opinions people will have about your eating/drinking habits, plans for working/not working, how you intend to raise your child. Try to grow a thicker skin, I've had to!

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