DD's been invited to a 'big fat gypsy wedding' party

[WaddaYaReckon]

Tell me what I should think about it please MN.

DD's 11 YO, and has been told to dress over the top.

She told me and I was like 'WTF Heck??'
And she was like 'Yeah!'
And I was like 'No way'
And she was like 'Yes way!'

(I'm up with the kidz yeah, innit )

One half of me thinks well if it's on the telly it must be an OK way of describing the group, but then some travelling people might be offended by it, then I think it's only fancy dress, before wondering what it would sound like applied to another minority group.

Also, she's in a class full of brats 'opinionated brats children' at school who are pretty shitty with her at times, so I don't want to ostracize her even more.

The worst bit is the whole class has been invited but one lad left out DD has said something to the lass having the party, but she didn't think anything of it. I'm more disgusted at her parents letting her not invite one lad, even though he can be a pain. S'not on.

I presume they'll come to your black and white minstrels party the next week... a bit of blacking up, sure where's the harm?

Or maybe a Chinese party kumquats where everyone dresses 'as a Chinese person'? Oh hang on, that threads been done hasn't it?!

It's racist and tasteless. I wouldn't endorse it.

How about that Indian themed party. "it Ain't Half Hot Mum" anyone?

www.flickr.com/photos/richardholden/178093594/lightbox/

I'm thinking of serving these at my son's next birthday party. That'd be ok wouldn't it? As long as there aren't any professionally offended pc types about.

www.flickr.com/photos/richardholden/178093594/lightbox/

If I were to take the last few posts to heart, I could think there's an implication that I'd be an out and out racist if I did let her go.

That if I do I'm in the same catagory as someone who'd make and share those revolting biscuits.

You could think (and I'm discussing rather than saying I definately think this) that the people on the show are travelling people, they're proud of what they wear and want to share it and their culture with a wider population. How is it racist for girls to want to get dressed up and have fun messing about at a party?

The program is about the clothes, the party is about the clothes.

If anything, it'd be inappropriate for 11 YOs to be dressed in such a sexualised way, and I wouldn't encourage DD to ever have any similar aspirations over getting fake tan and nails done.

DD's never seen the program btw and didn't have a clue what the girl was talking about.

How is dressing up in nice dresses taking the piss out of others TSC?

I think posters were saying that the parents who have come up with the crass racist party idea were in the wrong. I was anyway.

I do think you're condoning it if you let her go. It's not the kind of lesson I'd want my dc to be learning. The programme itself is tasteless, racist and exploitative, the idea of a chldrens party themed on the programme even more so.

Please, please make a stand against this type of racism by not sending your DD and if you have the cojones, telling the other mother why.
A university near us planned at BFGW party night and it was quickly pulled, on grounds that it was racist.

Would you comfortable sending her dressed for a Big Fat Jewish Mitzbah themed party if noone there was jewish?

The world would be a boring place if we were all the same but what gives us the right to condone another culture, even if it is a total odds to our values and beliefs. I often meet travellers in my daily work in the NHS and have found them to be nothing like the 'larger than life' people I see on TV. As many have said through this post, it is a racist/derogatory theme. My thoughts would be to say to the parents you don't approve but in reality that probably make life more difficult for your daughter. Why not buy a present, but send her in a nice outfit and highlight to her the dangers of making assumptions about people by the way they dress and live.

Do 11 yr olds watch that trash? Are any Of them going to have a clue about whats going on? What is the mother thinking?

Dont send her because it sounds utterly ridiculous!!

A school near me- not a bog standard comp- had a "Have a Chavtastic Christmas" fancy dress party one year. Bizarrely, the staff didn't stop it.

At the end of the day this business of dressing up like Rhianna is a recent fad in the "community" (for want of a better word).

It is not a cultural thing, many of the mums and grans on the programme have said how they never dressed like that.

Yes, they have wonderfull morals like waiting for marriage before they have sex and stealing and dumping rubbish in your garden but thats only for the girls. The boys are expected to be experienced and they obviously wont get that on their camp site will they? Would you like your daughter to be grabbed against her will? She's dressed like a traveller so why not?

By allowing her to wear trampy clothes (albeit for a party) you are endorsing an ideal - to skip off school, have lots of money, marry young, European travel.

I wouldn't.

If anything, it'd be inappropriate for 11 YOs to be dressed in such a sexualised way, and I wouldn't encourage DD to ever have any similar aspirations over getting fake tan and nails done.

Agreed, Wadda. And the dancing... don't forget the dancing!

you are right countrymouse a grannny on bfgw said she would never be allowed to dress like that her father wouldnt allow it ,
tbh i would discourage any girl of 11 from wearing those sorts of clothes , its not all about the wedding dresses its about having tan short skirts and the skimpiest of tops , not something i want my daughters to be wearing ,

Too right Mrsjay. OP, I think you already know the answer to the question just by posting here in the first place.

Am slightly concerned that there wasn't 30 other posts from the other parents though.

• If I had an 11yr old I wouldn't want her dressing in anything that resembled the outfits the young girls wear on MBFGW, they are either ridiculously fluffy or ridiculously revealing.

• I could not support such a racist view point. Replace the word gypsy with anyone other ethnic minority and there would be uproar.

• If these girls are all so horrid there will be just as much bitchiness at the actual party (and the dissecting of it afterwards) as there is in a school week.

"By allowing her to wear trampy clothes (albeit for a party) you are endorsing an ideal - to skip off school, have lots of money, marry young, European travel."

Apart from the skipping of school, what exactly is wrong with those ideals?? Would be quite happy with most of them if my kids chose those. I fail to see what trampy clothes have to do with it either - plenty of settled folk dress like that and have no desire to travel, little ambition or ability to earn lots of money despite never skipping school, marry in their mid thirties and then complain about infertility.

OP - there is a difference between the travelling community in general and gypsies. Real Rom rarely dress like that so I would send your DD in a lovely traditional type of dress and she will show the other girls up. A long tiered skirt, preferably in a bright plain colour ( but not red), a fringed patterned triangular or square ( but folded over to form triangle ) shawl tied at the side of her waist, a fairly close fitting dark colored top or one with elasticized gathering at the neckline/sleeves, necklaces, bangles, gold hoop earrings and a smaller scarf on her head with her hair loose and flowing behind. Granted, it's not how most Rom dress for everyday now but they don't dress like Irish Traveller girls either.

Is the party actually about Romany culture (either positively or negatively) or is it just an excuse to wear an OTT dress, meant harmlessly?

the party isnt a celebration of gypsy culture though its about the clothes on the tv programme ,

See your point Mini I picked the wrong ideals here obviously as the ones that are really at fault at the robbing, littering, failure to pay taxes, intimidation and intentionally refusing to allow teenage girls access to education.

Not sure you'd want that lifestyle for your children?

Clealy the point of the party is to dress like the girls on the TV show as if they were attending their 16 year old cousins wedding. If you wanted to dress her up as a romany gypsy then she might as well not attend.

You're the parent. If you don't want your child to go, don't let her go (though perhaps make up for it in some other way). It sounds dreadfully offensive to me - and encouraging young girls to dress in a sexy way, when they are far to young.

Ask the parents if there will be 'grabbing'?