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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think i am the worst parent in the world

44 replies

Mrbojangles1 · 30/03/2012 20:58

today went to ds (12) parents evening, and... the teacher said he has been pretending to be looking at his homework diary and all the while has a book stashed inside and is reading that instead of doing his work in class Shock

and apparently he has been reading so much in class some of the text from the story ended up in his subject book

and to top it all off sulking when he is told to put book away

he is a very good reader has a good reading age and i don't want to discourage reading but their is a time and a place i felt very small and embarrassed this is the worst report he has had since he was 4

he is on target for all of his lessons but i was very up set because i just cant help thinking how much better he would do if he was actually paying attention

i feel like the worst parent on the planet and even had a little cry earlier

OP posts:
CrystalMaize · 30/03/2012 21:01

How is this your fault? Stop being so hard on yourself! They all go through this to some extent. Talk to him calmly about it tomorrow. You are NOT the worst parent in the world. You sound like one of the best to me!

YABU! x

puds11 · 30/03/2012 21:03

quite frankly yes! and there are much worse things he could be doing in class than reading! you've obviously done well if this is his rebellion! Smile

FeakAndWeeble · 30/03/2012 21:03

Take a deep breath!

I was actually expecting to read something like 'and all the while he has a porrn mag stashed inside' - not a book! Of all the things they could have had a moan about, this doesn't seem so bad. If he's not paying attention and he's still 'on target' for all his lessons he must be a bright lad. Maybe that's part of the problem? My sister used to mess about like crazy at school and still get great marks because her brain worked quicker than the majority of other students. Talk to your DS, ask him why he's finding it difficult to actually pay attention in his lessons; you could be surprised by his answer.

This does not in any way make you a bad parent or even really reflect upon your parenting. I'd probably be more concerned about the sulking. Can't bear a sulker.

Have some Wine

ItWasThePenguins · 30/03/2012 21:04

Don't think it's your fault. I used to do this, and tbh it's the teachers fault most for not being more observant and strict. There's nothing you can do about it.

Lovetats · 30/03/2012 21:05

It must be a good book!
It sounds like he's bored rigid in lessons - I'd maybe have a quiet word with him about paying more attention in class and completing his tasks so that he gets a little treat from you at the end of the week? It sounds to me like he needs a bit of incentive and/or to see the point of what he's being asked to do. 12 is a funny old age - I'm sure that he'll start working hard again if he realises why he should.

Cabrinha · 30/03/2012 21:05

You're the worst parent in the world, and you CRIED about this? In the gentlest way - get a grip!

undercoverPrincess · 30/03/2012 21:06

I used to do this :) it's not your fault

holyShmoley · 30/03/2012 21:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Calamityboo · 30/03/2012 21:08

Oh YABU, You care enough to turn up to the parents evening, you care enough to take on board he teachers comments, and you have raised a wonderful ds who loves to read [jealous emoticon]. Just explain to him (stealing this from Waterloo road this week) that reading is the most wonderful way to escape into a world of imagination and should always be encouraged, but there is a time and a place for it.

Also (it can happen) check he is interested in his lessons, if he is a clever lad, they might not be interesting and challenging enough for him IYNWIM.

Original poster
Mrbojangles1 · 30/03/2012 21:14

i did ask him why he was doing this his answer my mate made me do it Hmm which made me even more upset

because i know even at home we have rows about him wanting to walk to the shop with a book , am worried he would get knocked over whilst reading.

TBH the sulking is really bad at home we have had a few run ins on that very matter

i am always so worried about his behaviour i just so want him to do well
i was a teen mum so i guess just always been paranoid about his behaviour as new people would judge any bad behaviour down as a product of being raised by a young mum

even today i got god... you look so young

OP posts:
Calamityboo · 30/03/2012 21:25

I think the sulking does come along with being his age as well as the need to be seen as a type, you know, there are the athletic ones, the musical ones, tough types, romantic types, he is wanting to be seen as the deep thoughtful reading a bookish academic one which is a lot better than some of the types of teenage you can get. Has he refused a haircut lately and started to wear a lot of black? (my 14yr old having this phase atm)

FeakAndWeeble · 30/03/2012 21:39

I read constantly - if I'm cooking, having a wee, brushing my teeth, on MN, watching TV, at work (ahem) - I always have my nose in a book. It's just the way I am. To be honest I would love it if DS was the same (he's currently 1 and we 'read' lots of books together daily) because DH hasn't touched a book since he left school and he thinks that I'm weird.

Try not to worry about anyone else judging your child or the way that you've raised him. If they're the sort of people who are inclined to poke their nose in and belittle you then they aren't the sort whose opinions are worth listening to. Anyway, what are they going to say - 'That Mrbojangles is a terrible mother - her child always has his nose in a book!' Hmm

SaltResistantSlug · 30/03/2012 21:53

How does the fact that he's a bookworm make you the worst parent in the world? That's a pretty cool thing to be, IMO. Wish I'd read more as a child and I wouldn't be playing catchup now!

There's a lot to be said for imaginative escapism...

SaltResistantSlug · 30/03/2012 21:54

Feak you're inspiring me to multitask - maybe its not so bad to indulge in frequent intervals of reading, after all!

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 30/03/2012 21:58

Tell your DS that with practice he can read and keep half an ear on the teacher's droning on, so that the teacher, although they know he is up to something can never quite manage to catch DS out, as he will be able to answer a spot question or pick up reading where he should be etc. This will drive the teacher insane Wink

DinahMoHum · 30/03/2012 22:01

wtf? how on earth does that reflect on your parenting at all??

PurpleRomanesco · 30/03/2012 22:01

DP and I would be DELIGHTED to hear this. Inwardly ofcourse. Wink

CotesduRhone · 30/03/2012 22:04

He sounds utterly adorable, and the only awkward part about this is the "my friend made me do it" aspect.

Since when has reading been a bad thing? A quick chat about "there's a time and a place" and that's that.

If it helps, I have developed a really efficient walk-while-reading strategy, and I've never ever fallen over. Grin

Again, meant in the nicest way, dry your eyes, OP. You are being way too hard on yourself.

PullUpAPew · 30/03/2012 22:06

I used to do this constantly. I still did fine in exams. I guess if school wasn't so boring kids might pay a bit more attention?

PullUpAPew · 30/03/2012 22:07

i also used to walk and read. That has to be stopped as dangerous.

MistyB · 30/03/2012 22:17

He is on target for all of his lessons!! Yay hay!! What more could you ask for?? OK - he could be excelling in everything but not everyone is wired the same way. There will still be a place for him the world to be successful at being himself!

I would much rather learn or read something new than improve my knowledge on something I already knew. That is why I know a little about alot of things and a lot about nothing!!

SnapesMistress · 30/03/2012 22:27

I suspect stealth boasting

If not, seriously, get a grip, its books not crack

HolyLentenPromiseBatman · 30/03/2012 22:33

You're being ridiculous.

Good for him I think, at least he's showing a bit of ingenuity and personality.

When I was at school we regularly listened to music/the football/texted our mates etc whilst pretending to be reading/looking in our bags/listening, we all did ok in the end!

DodieSmith · 30/03/2012 22:41

Is this a stealth boast?

DioneTheDiabolist · 30/03/2012 22:43

You are not the Worst Parent in the World, but brace yourself. How important is educational achievement to you cos it sounds like your DS is checking out of lessons. This is not really a good thing in terms of passing tests. It's not necessarily a bad thing for your son either. It's just the way things (that are outside your control) are.