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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To tell my pregnant SIL that my DS is ill

59 replies

MephistophelesSister · 30/03/2012 20:23

so that she can make up her own mind whether she visits us?

My DH is angry with me for e-mailing my SIL to ket her know that my DS has 'slapped cheek syndrome'.

He has a rash, which is the third stage of the illness, and is therefore no longer contagious. However, there is a chance that other family members may have caught it and will later develop it. (Everyone else is healthy at the moment).

'Slapped cheek' can be really bad news if you contract it while pregnant. BIL, SIL and DN are due to visit this weekend, and I thought I would let her know so that she can make up her own mind about the potential risk.

DH is now really annoyed, and wants to 'what exactly she is supposed to do with that information'. My answer is 'look up the disease herself so that she can make an informed decision about potential risks to her pregnancy'. Surely IANBU?

OP posts:

GavisconJunkie · 30/03/2012 20:58

Apparently it's very contagious & comes in cycles every few years. It seems to be rife at the minute.

BreakOutTheKaraoke · 30/03/2012 21:00

I don't think it is common, Maryz, I think most people have come into contact with it when a child, even if they haven't been infected, and are immune.

I get on a bit of a rant when people let there kids go out and about with it, when there are pregnant women around. It's bloody horrible going in for monitoring, wondering if they're going to tell you baby's stopped growing, and you're either going to be having blood transfusions or they have to get her out. I didn't really relax the full way through the pregnancy, not helped by the fact that as I was only 18, most nurses/ doctors didn't even bother telling me anything. I found out I had parvovirus when they left my notes out by accident, after I went in for bleeding- nobody had bothered telling me.

Original poster

MephistophelesSister · 30/03/2012 21:03

it is kind of weird that it isn't that well known. Until DS came down with this rash, and we had to work out what it was/how to treat it, I wouldn't have thought anything of it. Slapped cheek was never mentioned as a risk to me when I was pregnant, whereas chicken-pox, german measles etc were all things I was told to be wary of.

Thank goodness for the internet is all I can say. I know not all the advice you read is valid, but there are some very well referenced articles on this which I am inclined to trust - and it looks like although the illness in DS is very unlikely to cause lasting problems, anyone who caught it from him before I was aware he had it does face a possible risk of more serious consequences . Obviously I am watching the rest of us very closely, to make sure I catch any symptoms early on.

OP posts:

Maryz · 30/03/2012 21:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SoozyWoozy · 30/03/2012 21:09

YANBU.

My best friend had been at DD1s birthday party - I got a text to say that one of the children had come out in chicken pox a few days later. I suddenly thought of her for some reason and phoned to let her know 'just in case'. It turned out she was 5w pregnant and very grateful for the information.

It is quite standard now between our group of friends to 'just let you know...' and 'I will completely understand if you want to reschedule'

I think it is basic good manners to let someone know if they are going to come into contact with anything contagious - even more so if they are in an 'at risk group'.

Hopefully your SIL will be more reasonable than your DH - and if she's anything like mine she'll soon put him in his place :o

Whatevertheweather · 30/03/2012 21:12

YADNBU op - my DD died shortly after she was born last year after a scan at 35 weeks showed she had severe hydrops fetalis. The first question the consultant asked me was had I been in contact with anyone with parvovirus (slapped cheek). Once we got the post mortem results it turned out not to be that but it can cause fetal death/stillbirth.

Please also ignore any Internet/wiki searches that says it doesn't matter after 20 weeks gestation. It very much does.

This is quite close to my heart as I spent 8 weeks waiting for PM results convinced that parvovirus caused my daughters death so I have done a lot of research into it. I had never heard of it before and it makes me very angry that most reports and hcp's seem to think it's only a problem early on. I know it's rare but awareness really should be raised especially for those in professions that come in to regular contact with children.

Sorry for mini hijack

hellymelly · 30/03/2012 21:13

My friend lost her baby ,possibly due to slapped cheek (her ds had it) so YADNBU. I would go further and tell her not to come, it is too risky.

ChaoticAngel · 30/03/2012 21:29

YANBU Your DH is an idiot.

BreakOutTheKaraoke · 30/03/2012 21:30

Whatever, I'm very sorry for your loss, I can't begin to imagine how hard that was- and still is- for you.

I agree it should be made more widely known- I hadn't even heard of slapped cheek until after I had come into contact with it. I had only come into contact with it briefly, from my then 5-year-old brother.

cutegorilla · 30/03/2012 22:10

YADNBU

So sorry for your loss Whatever

SmellsLikeTeenStrop · 30/03/2012 22:16

YANBU, I'm pregnant and I would really appreciate being told about harmful illnesses in a house before I visited.

SixFeetUnder · 30/03/2012 22:37

Both my boys had slapped cheek this week but the advice I have read and been told by the doctor was that there was no reason to keep them off nursery (provided they were well in themselves) as they are contagious before the rash appears.

I hope that's right as they've been there all week although we informed the nursery they had it (was pretty obvious anyway). Would hate to think I'd put anyone at risk

TerraNotSoFirma · 30/03/2012 22:56

Of course you should have told her, Your Husband is out of order.

Dozer · 30/03/2012 23:15

So sorry whatever.

Dozer · 30/03/2012 23:24

Some people and families (stupidly) put social or personal concerns (eg awkwardness of having to cancel something, shyness about asking for seat on bus when needed) above health and get angry or dismissive with people who challenge this.

Sounds like the OP's DH could be like that.

My DH is weird about things that get in the way of work - he is ill with high temperature today and wanted to go to work, got stroppy when told him he needed to take care of himself and have regard for colleagues / commuters etc. Grrr.

Read an article once about a teenage girl who had a bad asthma attack while on holiday in italy with a big group, about people's awful reactions - almost everyone was dismissive / in denial, grumpy about dinner being late, unwilling to get up from sunlounger, didn't take seriously, said she was being dramatic etc. Couple of mothers in the group got her to hospital and the girl was OK.

NatashaBee · 30/03/2012 23:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheBigJessie · 30/03/2012 23:34

I feel unreasonably outraged on behalf of your SIL.

If I Ruled The World?, I'd make him write out 10,000 lines of "I shall not be an arrogant prat who withholds information from people and intentionally denies them the ability to make fully-informed decisions".

blameitonthecaffeine · 30/03/2012 23:36

You absolutely did the right thing!

misspedantic · 30/03/2012 23:38

YANBU wow you are such a good sis.

fluffypillow · 30/03/2012 23:38

YANBU. Of course you had to tell her. You did the responsible thing.

startail · 30/03/2012 23:45

YANBU

Although I have to confess that DD and half her guests probably had this at her birthday party many years ago.
I think one parent went to the Dr and their DC missed loads of school not being ill. Subsequently the rest of the parents decided not to notice as it was stupidly hard to be sure they had it and on every given day several of their class mates looked a bit pink. No one said anything it was just perfectly clear the whole class had passed it round before anyone noticed.

Lueji · 31/03/2012 00:01

YWBU if you didn't tell her.

ChippingInNeedsCoffee · 31/03/2012 00:27

He's being an idiot... is he usually this horrible to you?

nespresso · 31/03/2012 00:33

You absolutely did the right thing. 'Slap cheek' carries a risk of miscarriage.

Original poster

MephistophelesSister · 31/03/2012 07:57

Whatever - so sorry for your loss. And thank-you for your sharing the fruits of your research into Slapped Cheek.

Sixfeet - as I understand it, once the rash has appeared you are no longer contagious, so you haven't done anything wrong at all. If your boys were in contact with anyone pregnant shortly before developing the rash though, it would be worth letting them know, just in case. There really is no way of preventing it, as you don't know what the illness is until it is too late to prevent sreading it. In my case my SIL will be worried about the rest of the family who have been in contact with my son, as they may develop the illness and could potentially pose a risk to her and her baby.

Chipping - my DH isn't usually horrible, but he can be touchy about stuff to do with his family. He is very bad at keeping in contact and sorting out social visits etc., so although I hate taking responsibility for it, I tend to be the one who calls/e-mails to make arrangements etc. In this case I think he genuinely thnks the risk of passing it to her is very low, and that I am blowing things out of proportion, and I started this thread because I was really annoyed with him. Just as everyone seems to think (thank you all), I believe it is up to her to choose.

He is now of the opinion that I did the right thing - hooray! (I didn't show him the thread but I did mention that the Mnet jury had decided he was in the wrong)

OP posts:

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