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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My friends say I'm not but they're biased - what does the MN Jury think?

72 replies

RoseMortmain · 30/03/2012 20:22

I'll tell you the background and you tell me who WBU, please.

I make cakes - fancy iced ones for birthdays, etc.

I was asked about 3 weeks ago for the price of one of those princess cakes with the doll stuck in the top by someone who I would call an acquaintance rather than a friend. I know her, socialise with her a bit but she's quite a 'tricky' person to get along with and she's fallen out with 90% of the people in our larger group of friends in the last 5 years for various reasons, all caused by things she has said/done.

Anyway, I told her and she clearly didn't want to pay my prices (I don't mind, I wouldn't Grin but plenty of people do) so I explained how she could make it herself because they're not overly hard. She said she'd do that and we said no more about it.

On Tuesday she collared me on the school run and asked me if I could do it after all. The party was this afternoon, after school.

I said I had 3 more cakes to do for this weekend but I could squeeze it in if she could get the doll as I knew I wouldn't have time to go shopping for it myself. She told me that she already had the doll so she'd drop it over to me that day so I agreed to do it.

She hadn't dropped it off by the end of school but at pick up she promised she would bring it over that evening.

She didn't, but promised again on Wednesday morning that she'd bring it to the house. She hadn't dropped it off by 3pm so I text her to say I really needed it, couldn't do any more to the cake until I had it so could she bring it to pick up.

I got no reply and she wasn't at pick up so I text her again at 6pm, reiterating that it was becoming very urgent that she brought me the doll or I wouldn't be able to do the cake.

Again, no reply and she hadn't brought it by 8pm so I FB'd her a message as it was the only other way I had of contacting her and again explained the urgency and asked her to bring it round before 8:30 as otherwise I couldn't do it. She's on FB every day so I assumed she would pick it up.

I finally got a reply in the morning, a text which had been sent at 11pm saying how sorry she was, how the doll had been on the table but she'd been waylaid (I live a 5 min walk from her, 1 min drive and our dcs are in the same classes) and please say I could still do it.

As it was less than 2 days to the party and I had to get started on the cakes for Saturday and Sunday's clients I had no time left. Wednesday night was the night I'd put aside to do hers because I couldn't start the others that early.

At school drop off on Thursday she rushed up to me with the doll saying how sorry she was, please would I still do it and which point I had to say no.

She then told me that I'd let her down, that she hadn't got my texts because she hadn't had her phone with her, that I'd ruined her daughter's party, etc.

I explained that she'd been promising to drop the doll over for 2 days, that when it became urgent I tried to get hold of her using both contacts that I had for her and if she couldn't be bothered to find 5 minutes to bring me the doll then I really wasn't to blame.

She was adamant that it was my fault and I should have done more to contact her, I feel I did what I could and my friends agree but none of them get on with her so they aren't exactly impartial.

What do you think?

OP posts:
doctorcake · 30/03/2012 21:00

I was going to write a long sentence all about the type of personality this woman has but I'll stick with....she's bonkers..

flippinada · 30/03/2012 21:00

YANBU at all. I can see why she falls out with people all the time as she sounds like a rude, entitled pain in the backside.

fussbucket · 30/03/2012 21:05

Wow - 27 Yanbus. And mine makes 28!

MammaBrussels · 30/03/2012 21:05

Er, how else does she expect you to contact her? Silly cow.

RoseMortmain · 30/03/2012 21:06

doctorcake (great name, btw), please do. It would be interesting to see if your ideas tie in with mine.

And can I say thank you again? She has this way of messing with your head so you start to question yourself. This happened yesterday morning and it's been playing on my mind ever since that maybe I was wrong. So thanks for the reassurance.

OP posts:
Rikalaily · 30/03/2012 21:08

That is one crazy lady! You are definately not the one in the wrong.

thisisyesterday · 30/03/2012 21:09

ahh yes of course, you did say it was today.

in that case i would have done that yesterday.. just asked if she wanted to pay half price and finish it herself.

she does sound like a complete froot loop though and you really are not unreasonable at all.
you did all you could to contact her, and she already knew you needed the doll.

Tigresswoods · 30/03/2012 21:09

I hope you've taught her a really good lesson. Grin

JaxTellerIsMyFriend · 30/03/2012 21:13

You went above and beyond, she is one of lifes takers. And is bonkers as conkers.

RoseMortmain · 30/03/2012 21:15

thisis, I was too cross to think about that. I'd been stewing all night over the time, money and effort I'd gone to fit her in so when she said what she did in the morning I lost it in a very big way which is completely out of character for me.

She still genuinely thinks it's all my fault though, I'm sure, that's how her mind seems to work. None of the falling outs or other issues she has had with everyone else has ever been her fault Hmm.

OP posts:
DartsAgain · 30/03/2012 21:30

Here's another YANBU - and I would definitely bill her for what you'd done so far. But then, I'm like that Grin. Even if I didn't see any of the money I'd want to make a point.

Coconutty · 30/03/2012 21:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MissTapestry · 30/03/2012 21:34

Yanbu, she's a cheeky cow!

MerryMarigold · 30/03/2012 21:34

YABU...to still have a large choc cake in the freezer. You should have eaten it by now Grin.

RoseMortmain · 30/03/2012 21:38

Grin Marigold. That's precisely why I froze it. I don't need that level of temptation staring me in the face when I'm pissed off and stressed!

OP posts:
exoticfruits · 30/03/2012 21:38

YANBU. It is her problem-leave it with her.

Seriously2712 · 30/03/2012 21:40

YANBU!!! You did more than enough to get in touch!

Can I also say - I think you did well for being so assertive with her - go you! That's ace! And you haven't ruined her child's party - she can always pick up a birthday cake from supermarket!

suburbophobe · 30/03/2012 21:45

She's blaming you for her disorganisation. As well as stressing you out.

If that's how she deals with people, no wonder everyone falls out with her.

She sounds an energy vampire.....

RoseMortmain · 30/03/2012 21:48

Seriously2712, normally I am a complete wimp and shy away from confrontation with someone like her. A healthy dose of PMT certainly helped in the bravery stakes!

OP posts:
PeppaLump · 30/03/2012 23:13

Yanbu. Both she and the doll are dickheads.

TheBigJessie · 30/03/2012 23:39

She doesn't really comprehend that other people have schedules too, does she?

It's like someone who posts a letter at 5 minutes to midnight one night, and thinks it will be delivered the very next day!

Lueji · 31/03/2012 00:10

You should charge her for the time you spent on the cake, really.

WhereYouLeftIt · 31/03/2012 01:26

" ... she's quite a 'tricky' person to get along with and she's fallen out with 90% of the people in our larger group of friends in the last 5 years for various reasons, all caused by things she has said/done."

"She then told me that I'd let her down, that she hadn't got my texts because she hadn't had her phone with her, that I'd ruined her daughter's party, etc."

Looks like it was your turn to be fallen out with. She's aiming for 100%.

Glittertwins · 31/03/2012 08:13

I think she just hit 100%
No way were you unreasonable!

JustHecate · 31/03/2012 08:18

she's an idiot. God, I hate these 'nothing is ever my fault' people.

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