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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wear similar colour/style dress as bridesmaid to BIL's wedding?

54 replies

lovessummer · 30/03/2012 19:37

So here?s the background:
BIL is getting married, DT?s are page boys, DH is a best man, FIL is wearing the smart hired suit that all the main men are wearing, MIL had a personal shopper for her outfit. DH and I don?t have much money and all my friends are now married, so cannot foresee another time when I will need a smart dress. But I realise if everyone else is so smart, I don?t want to look like the poor relation. So I spent last weekend going round the charity shops and after trying on loads of unsuitable dresses I found a gorgeous Monsoon one. It fits me perfectly and I feel great in it. But big problem- it is virtually the same colour as the bridesmaids dress and similar style too (i.e. strapless, floaty and knee length). So is it bad form to wear a dress similar to the bridesmaid and/or if I do end up wearing it, am I going to feel like the awkward old matron in it compared to the young attractive bridesmaid? But the wedding is in 4 weeks and I really don?t think I have got the energy to start all over again?

OP posts:
PestoPenguin · 30/03/2012 19:39

I wouldn't, sorry.

Bert2e · 30/03/2012 19:39

Sorry but yes I think it would be really bad form to wear it - it would look like you were trying to be a bridesmaid as well. Could you wear a cardi over it to make it look different?

AdornMeWithSparkle · 30/03/2012 19:39

Hmm....sorry, I do think that if you know the colour and style of the bridesmaid's dresses and this is really similar, you would be a bit off to wear it.
And/or you would get mistaken for a bridesmaid.

Can you post a pic of it and the bridesmaid's dresses so we can see how similar?
Or could you wear a shrug or something that would make it look quite different at all?

BuckBuckMcFate · 30/03/2012 19:40

Would it be possible to dye it?

AdornMeWithSparkle · 30/03/2012 19:40

Ha ha - crossed with Bert2e with the same idea!

Otherwise, you might be worth having a look in Primark 'cause they sometimes have stuff taht would be wedding-worthy (maybe a skirt and top rather than a dress) on first outing and accessorised properly.

CMOTDibbler · 30/03/2012 19:41

You really can't I'm afraid - it would look very odd to everyone else.

Get on Ebay and look for similar Monsoon dresses in a different colour

GrahamTribe · 30/03/2012 19:41

Sorry, I wouldn't.

Pandemoniaa · 30/03/2012 19:41

It depends on how precious your BIL's bride is. Some women would take fearful umbrage at anyone outside the immediate wedding party wearing anything even vaguely similar to the bridesmaids dresses. Other more sensible people wouldn't mind at all since they are planning a marriage, not an OK magazine wedding shoot.

Only you know the people involved and their likely sensibilities.

ENormaSnob · 30/03/2012 19:42

I wouldn't.

I would be Hmm at anyone that did tbh.

canyou · 30/03/2012 19:42

Could you add a ribbon or appliqué flowers or some thing to change it?
What size are you how dressy etc? Maybe we could help With an alternative

FeakAndWeeble · 30/03/2012 19:42

The Best Man's girlfriend wore a very similar style and colour dress to the bridesmaid's at out wedding. I don't think it had occurred to her at all, and tbh I really didn't care (I was far too busy inhaling booze and buffet Grin) - but several people commented on it too me and it's still mentioned now when people talk about our wedding ('Who was that girl who tried to be a bridesmaid? So weird!'). So if I were you I wouldn't do it... Or at least, wear a shawl/jacket/something over the top to sort of offset the similarities.

MrsAmaretto · 30/03/2012 19:43

Agree that it would be bad form to wear it. It would look like you were trying to be a bridesmaid. Can you eBay it? You have to wear something else. Do you have friends who are similar sizes who may have a smart/ wedding outfit to wear?

gordyslovesheep · 30/03/2012 19:43

get some Dylon ....

EdithWeston · 30/03/2012 19:44

I'm so sorry you are in this bind - especially as your family is in the wedding party so everyone will know you would have known about the colours in advance.

I really think you shouldn't. Is the dress available in another colour? Longer shot - could it be dyed and embroidered/applique'd to remove it from both base colour and detail? Or as suggested above, try second hand for similar?

BlueFergie · 30/03/2012 19:44

Well what are BIL and fiancée like? Do you know her well? Some besides would be pissed off by this I am sure, but others, like me, wouldn't give a shit. If the bride doesn't care, and if a few raised.eyebrows from other guests don't bother you then go for it.
I probably wouldn't do it, just because I would be uncomfortable. Have you anything else you can wear? Can you borrow from friends/family?

Annunziata · 30/03/2012 19:45

Yep, you're going to have to look for something else I'm afraid! Or just ask her if she minds?

Floggingmolly · 30/03/2012 19:47

No.

cornsilksit1 · 30/03/2012 19:47

what size are you - we can search on ebay for you.
you can sell the dress you have on ebay as well.

MadameMessy · 30/03/2012 19:47

Sorry, no way.
I was at a wedding where the grooms sisters were so put out at not being brides maids that they wore the same dress in an opposite colour. Think debenhams dresses, bridesmaids in blue, sisters in pink. It looked terrible, no body knew who the actual bridesmaids were and all everyone talked about.
I would really worry that's how id look if I turned up in such a similar dress. What size are you? I have a lovely size 12 green dress I wore to a wedding in Dec, would pop it in the post and you could send it back after?

leftmysociallifeatthedoor · 30/03/2012 19:48

I am normally not precious about weddings at all but no, you can't do that. You'd look like a bit of a loon imho.

Can you borrow a dress from a friend? Or get one in new look / primark / asda? If its only going to be worn once then it doesn't have to be fab quality...have you no dresses you've worn to previous weddings?

Original poster
lovessummer · 30/03/2012 19:51

Oh crap- the immediate consensus is no then! Bugger. I really couldn't predict bride's sensibility. I honestly wouldn't have minded if people had even worn the same outfit as me when I got married, would just have been pleased that people made the effort to turn up, but ours wasn't traditional and this one is. I think I have to go back to square one don't I? Have got picture of bridesmaid dress but probably couldn't find mine as have no idea how old, but will try to see. But they really are similar! I am size 10. Dress only cost £14 as it was from charity shop and I love it so am not too sad if I don't wear it as its still nice to have something lovely in my cupboard adn I haven't spent any other money. had thought about shawl etc but don't think that would work as would still ultimately look too similar

OP posts:
ifancyashandy · 30/03/2012 19:52

I wouldn't think it bad form but I would think you mad. Like you were most miffed about not being a bridesmaid and were making a point.

I can see that isn't what you would be doing so I do sympathise. Those are just the thoughts that would instantly run through my judgemental head on seeing the situation you describe.

cornsilksit1 · 30/03/2012 19:52

size 10? Envy you'll be spoilt for choice on ebay and may even get more than £14 for it Wink

DMCWelshCakes · 30/03/2012 19:54

My MIL made my SIL do this at our wedding (was annoyed we hadn't made her a bridesmaid, long story). She looked like a wannabe & MANY people commented on it, both at the wedding & since.

Definitely go with something different.

canyou · 30/03/2012 19:54

I am a slim size 10 I have no boobs What colour is the bridesmaid dress. I may be able to help we had 4 weddings last year and I am doing a wardrobe downsize