Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wear similar colour/style dress as bridesmaid to BIL's wedding?

54 replies

lovessummer · 30/03/2012 19:37

So here?s the background:
BIL is getting married, DT?s are page boys, DH is a best man, FIL is wearing the smart hired suit that all the main men are wearing, MIL had a personal shopper for her outfit. DH and I don?t have much money and all my friends are now married, so cannot foresee another time when I will need a smart dress. But I realise if everyone else is so smart, I don?t want to look like the poor relation. So I spent last weekend going round the charity shops and after trying on loads of unsuitable dresses I found a gorgeous Monsoon one. It fits me perfectly and I feel great in it. But big problem- it is virtually the same colour as the bridesmaids dress and similar style too (i.e. strapless, floaty and knee length). So is it bad form to wear a dress similar to the bridesmaid and/or if I do end up wearing it, am I going to feel like the awkward old matron in it compared to the young attractive bridesmaid? But the wedding is in 4 weeks and I really don?t think I have got the energy to start all over again?

OP posts:
cornsilksit1 · 30/03/2012 19:55

bit more than £14 but new ansd you can sell on here and here

cornsilksit1 · 30/03/2012 19:59

here
here
here
here
here

canyou · 30/03/2012 20:02

Wow I love the two coast dresses The mocha is really fab

cornsilksit1 · 30/03/2012 20:04

here
here
here
here

cornsilksit1 · 30/03/2012 20:04

bet you get your money back for the monsoon one as well

Original poster
lovessummer · 30/03/2012 20:08

cornsilk- don't be green- I am only a size 10 because I've got no boobs! (have got a big bum but with the right kind of dress it gets hidden)
thanks so much for those links- am not great with some colours/styles but I really like the hobbs one. I suit empire line (because of the big bum) and not too good with totally strapless because of the lack of boobs
canyou- colour to avoid is aqua/taupe. So i guess any other colour would be fine.
Its such a shame as apart from anything else I just don't have the energy/time or money to search for something else- its all the bits and pieces that go with it that add up.
But you are all right- it was playing on my mind
All of your kind thoughts are really helping though. Even though the honesty is painful

OP posts:
MrsMuddyPuddles · 30/03/2012 20:18

Do you have all the bits and pieces for an aqua/taupe dress? If so, then maybe aqua/black or just aqua or taupe and some other, similar colour would be far enough from the wedding party to not look like you're trying to be one of them? (or use as much aqua in your accessories as possible, and use it as an accent colour Hmm )

Original poster
lovessummer · 30/03/2012 20:23

muddypuddles- its the bridesmaid dres that's aqua/pale taupe and my monsoon dress is very similar colour- so I would need to have accessories that were different- but whatever I do, the dress is going to be similar. And its the kind of dress that other colours wouldn't really go with
(I tried to find a picture on line of it, but couldn't)

OP posts:
MrsMuddyPuddles · 30/03/2012 20:42

Ah, from your last post, I thought that you already had everything to go with the aqua/pale taupe dress and were fretting about the expense of finding different new accessories to go with another colour scheme thing :)

thefurryone · 30/03/2012 21:02

I have been to a lot of weddings in the last few years and the only two guest wedding outfits I can recall without trying are the white off the shoulder number worn by a friend of the bride and an almost identical to the bridesmaids dress worn by the groom's brothers girlfriend. So even if the bride doesn't care in the slightest, the other female guests will probably notice and raise an eyebrow. If the bride does care, going by some of the wedding AIBU threads I've read since joining MN your DH's family will be torn in two Grin

Good luck finding a new dress.

kickingKcurlyC · 30/03/2012 22:13

Dye it if you love it!

Inertia · 30/03/2012 22:51

I wouldn't wear a dress very similar to the bridesmaids . And aqua/ taupe is quite distinctive colour combination anyway - it's not as though they are in e.g. navy which is a very popular colour for occasion dresses.

The suggestion of dying the dress you have is certainly worth a try I reckon.

DoubleGlazing · 30/03/2012 22:55

Another no, sorry... unless you can dye it or customise it somehow, to make it look different enough?

misty0 · 31/03/2012 01:11

Another no. (like you need one) Grin

My STBMIL has just bought an outfit for our wedding in the same colour as BM's. Hmm

Original poster
lovessummer · 01/04/2012 09:13

Just to update you all- I went back to the charity shops yesterday and found a Red Herring dress which is very different from BM dress and different colour too- for only £5.95 this time (!) and it fits beautifully, so I can start to relax now...
Thanks everyone for your help

OP posts:
Pixieonthemoor · 01/04/2012 10:28

Can you borrow something from a friend? Or get thee to Primark - they currently have little pleated skirts that come to the knee with a racing car print that are dead ringers for Prada!! Would look lovely on your size 10 figure and I am sure you will have something in your wardrobe already that would go. The best bit is they are £12!!!!

MrsMuddyPuddles · 01/04/2012 11:50

Well done, lovesummer! Are you going to keep the original dress?

Sarcalogos · 01/04/2012 12:04

Lovesummer, where is this amazing charity shop? Nothing half that good round here... Envy

AutumnSummers · 01/04/2012 12:04

I'm giving this a thumbs down too.

I know this isn't the same thing but i'm still annoyed with my cousin for wearing a tiny white dress on my wedding day (Last year). Aside from the obvious reasons about why it bugged me, I was 6 months pregnant on the day and she is a size 8. It definately made me feel a bit insecure but I knew it was only down to how I felt about myself and didn't project outwrdly to her by going off on one about it.

I put it to the back of my mind because it really didn't matter, especially because a lot of people were coming over over to me, without prompting, to ask what the fuck she thought she was doing so she didn't really impress anyone.

I'm not like other people who would turn into Bridezilla about this kind of thing- I was just happy to be married and wasn't going to sour it by getting stroppy -but I definately didn't appreciate it and niether did anyone else at the wedding.

AutumnSummers · 01/04/2012 12:07

X=post with OP. Glad yougot another dress :)

DoubleGlazing · 01/04/2012 13:00

Great to hear about the Red Herring bargain! :)

samandi · 01/04/2012 13:50

How do people even know what the bridesmaids are going to wearing, unless you're a close relation? Personally I don't see the problem unless it's identical and am a bit bemused at some of the comments here, but I guess the consensus is don't.

MrFunnytheEasterBunny · 02/04/2012 07:59

Samandi - it his her bil getting married, that's how she knows, and I think it is just bad form to knowingly wear the same colour as the wedding party.

Even if you didn't know the colours, so it was totally innocent, people would still raise an eyebrow IME.

NoMoreInsomnia12 · 02/04/2012 08:09

I have often worn the same colour as the wedding party, (unwittingly) but not the same style of dress. I think that's the important bit.

RabidEchidna · 02/04/2012 08:34

Bad form, sorry.
Will make you look a little bitter at not being a bridesmaid