...to wonder if you have ever spied on your partner?

[HalfPastWine]

We had this conversation in the office this week. It prompted some very interesting responses.

Have you ever / do you regularly check your partner?s text messages / emails / Facebook accounts etc?

If you have, why? Were you just being nosy or had their behaviour changed recently that it prompted you to do it?

If you have, did you find anything? What did you do about it?

If someone told you that they didn?t feel the need to check this info would you say they were being naive and that you should check up on your partner from time to time?

Yes, i regularly checked his FB messages when a mutual friend was organising a surprise baby shower for me (i dislike surprises very very much) but only because he told me about it!
I never spied on him/felt the need to as we are both very open anyway, i go on his phone (to play etc) he goes on mine, we know each other's passwords etc.

There have been incidents for example when his stepbrother's wife started sending him messages etc from SB's account telling him she really likes him and she wants to meet in private but i was there (he showed me straight away) and i was there when he replied and told her to "seek help"
In a similar situation when an ex boyfriend started sending me odd messages (wants me back, etc i showed him because i had no reasons not to!

I did a bit, when I first got together with DH. In my defence, I was young and very insecure, and I simply didn't believe that he would genuinely want to be with me. As I got to know him better, I developed a clearer understanding of his values and I became much more secure in our relationship.

I haven't done any spying in well over fifteen years, because I trust him and know I don't need to worry. I am ashamed that I did it during our first months together, as it was wrong. But I wasn't in a very good place at the time, and would have spied on anyone who I'd been with. :(

I support Postbellumbugsy.

I didnt snoop for 16 plus years, but I did once I got suspicious after an accidental finding on the family computer. Then, because he was a liar and kept lying, and because I was a gullible idiot, I remained suspicious and snooped occasionally for 5 years. And usually found something.

And when it all came out at Relate< i was right too.

And yes, I was made to feel I was a bit nuts too, when he nows says he was manipulating and lying to me.

Oh, and I do agree it is no way to live too.

Those who never have and wouldnt (and I was one, once) should try it from our side of the fence.

I've never spied on my partner no, never checked his emails, texts, etc as I trust him, but if I didn't trust him (apart from having to question why I was in a relationship with someone I didn't trust) and felt the need to check through his texts and emails and stuff and if he was up to anything surely he would have deleted anything incriminating anyway so I'd find nothing then feel even worse.

nope, i trust my partner of 9 years

No it wouldn't occur to me tbh