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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is DH being unreasonable about the cats?

49 replies

AwkwardMary · 30/03/2012 08:50

We have 2 rescue Siamese brothers...had them for 10 months now. They are wimps and very affectionate...they're a bit nervy about the Toms who come into our garden but one brother tries to stand up to them.

Our cats like to sleep all day in their office...then when the DC go to bed, they come and hear the bedtime story and have a cuddle with the DC and then come and sit with DH and I to watch tv. (they do)

Then they spend the night racketing about the house and chasing spiders...they have a little run in the garden, hunt some beetles etc and then come in to chase some more and have a kip on the sofa. One of the brothers occassionaly pees when we have gone to bed...though...usually on a cushion.

DH says they must go out ALL night now...as he wont have them peing in the house...it happened the other night and so last night he put them both out all night. They sat under the table on the patio and mewed all night apparently. I sleep like a dead thing and never heard them...DH insists they go out again...I think it is cruel to pyut two slightly nervy and highly strung cats out all night. AIBU or is DH? They have 2 littler trays and this has happened on an off since we got them...vet says no infections...the cat is just highly strung and will do this when over excited or feeling lazy..

OP posts:
Original poster
AwkwardMary · 30/03/2012 08:51

I should add...I thnk DH should put a door on the kitchen(we have none) and I could lock them in there all night with food and littler tray but DH says "I'm not having them walking on the countertops all night!"

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 30/03/2012 08:52

Are the litter trays in room with access to the outside? I think if not you should make it so - with somewhere for them to sleep in their too.

I wouldnt put cats outside at night - but I wouldn't want anyone peeing on a cushion either. Instead i would make the room with the cat flap have somewhere for them to sleep

Vicky2011 · 30/03/2012 08:53

Until your last sentence I had some sympathy for your DH as this is clearly a consistent problem. The comment about the kitchen work tops makes me think he doesn't really like them very much Sad

LaurieFairyCake · 30/03/2012 08:54

x-posted - better to wipe down a counter top with anti bac than wash a cushion every day

and they walk on the surfaces when you're out - he's kidding himself if he thinks they don't.

I wash my countertops before I use them as I know a cat will have walked on them at some point

ParsleyTheLioness · 30/03/2012 08:54

Wondering if one of those Feliway plug-in things would stop the weeing on the cusion stuff...

Original poster
AwkwardMary · 30/03/2012 08:55

We have no cat flap this is a rental and I don't think wed be allowed. Vicky he does love them...he sits with them on him and talks to them in a soppy voice etc...he's just a clean freak.

OP posts:
ParsleyTheLioness · 30/03/2012 08:55

cushion even

Original poster
AwkwardMary · 30/03/2012 08:56

Laurie you're right of course...they probably tap dance on DH's stuff too.

OP posts:
Original poster
AwkwardMary · 30/03/2012 08:57

I also think that the first neighbour who sees them will have them installed in their home withn seconds...they're stunning! They might get nicked!

OP posts:
ParsleyTheLioness · 30/03/2012 08:58

Have you ever tried a Feliway?

JoandMax · 30/03/2012 08:59

I think you should put a door on the kitchen and a catflap to the garden so they can be shut in but with access to outside if they wish (if this is possible in your house of course).

One of our cats is very nervy too and this suits her fine plus keeps my DH happy that they're not licking his face all night!

JoandMax · 30/03/2012 09:01

Just seen that's probably not possible, maybe try a Feliway to stop the weeing?

I also have a wipe of all the surfaces with anti-bac wipes, I came down early a while ago and they were both fast asleep on the worktops......

prettybird · 30/03/2012 09:01

I have had Siamese all my life and wouldn't ever lock them out all night. They like company too much! If you've had a problem with them peeing, then make sure that area had been totally cleaned (surprisingly, vinegar is apparently good to take away the smell that the cats are attracted to) and then make sure they have a nice clean alternative.

You say they are nervy - have you tried a Feliway diffuser to calm them? The peeing might have been part of them trying to "mark" their territory inside.

Ironically, locking them out all night, if that distresses them, may well make them more likely to pee inside.

samandi · 30/03/2012 09:01

I don't think it's unreasonable not to want them peeing everywhere at night. If they're happy to go in the litter tray though I think your DH is being a bit unreasonable about the shutting them in the kitchen option.

prettybird · 30/03/2012 09:04

Typing on an iPod so it takes a long time - hence all the x-posts! Blush

tabulahrasa · 30/03/2012 09:04

My Siamese has been out overnight occasionally because she's refused to come in when I want to go to bed - she's devastated when I let her in in the morning, I get told off for half an hour.

And she's usually freezing, she seems to feel the cold more than other cats.

I think your DH is being massively unreasonable.

Original poster
AwkwardMary · 30/03/2012 09:06

Feliway is so bloody expensive and we've had a wage cut since taking them on...I agree with you Prettybird that locking them out will upset them, they're NOT moggies and are too delicate imo to be shoved out. they don't hunt mice and fight....they sat all sad on the patio bless them. Sad

I am going to insist he puts a door on the kitchen...the only access to the garden is through the sitting room french windows so no flap option there..they will have to have a tray in the kitchen and a bed...poor boys.

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FondleWithCare · 30/03/2012 09:06

Oh, don't leave them outside all night Sad.

Get a door for your kitchen and keep them in there for now, as somebody already said they will already be walking on the surfaces. Go to the vet to rule out a UTI which could be a reason for the peeing on the cushion.

Keep your litter tray somewhere that's slightly hidden from view, cats like to have a little privacy and if they don't get it then they just find another spot to use instead (which never seems to be in a hidden place Hmm).

Have they been castrated as well? Thus can stop them marking their territory to a certain extent.

Original poster
AwkwardMary · 30/03/2012 09:08

I agree tabulah that they seem to feel the cold more... reckon it's due to their country of origin...they don't have thick fur....ours weren't devestated when they came in but they were very pleased to see me...their tails were like foxes tails because of the stress...you know how their tails bush up when they're afraid?

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Original poster
AwkwardMary · 30/03/2012 09:09

Been to the vet Fondle mentioned it in OP. Their trays are the closed kind and they like it...all hidden away.

They are castrated.

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tabulahrasa · 30/03/2012 09:15

Obviously what she actually says is merrrrooooooow, but I swear she's there going, you left me, you actually left me and I couldn't get to you...lol

yeah her coat's thin and she dislikes weather, most types other than sunny tbh - she's been fine overnight in summer occasionally, but she doesn't go out much in winter at all and I would genuinely worry that she'd get hyothermia if it was properly cold.

FondleWithCare · 30/03/2012 09:33

Ah sorry I missed the bit about the vets.

DinahMoHum · 30/03/2012 09:39

can you get a catflap so they can go in and out as they please? sounds like theyd probably enjoy that if nighttime is their active time.

My cat is often out at night

GirlWithALlamaTattoo · 30/03/2012 09:48

Have you got a shed or garage you could put a cat flap into? The landlord might go for it (ours did) or they might agree if you promise to put it back how it was before you move out. Then the cats can be out of the house but still with somewhere safe and dry to sleep. Ours have got warm beds in the shed, because LittleCat is a pain in the arse at night.

Or could you prop the shed door open for them - depends what you've got in the shed, I suppose, if there is one.

If that's not an option, shutting them in one room sounds like the best bet - at least any wee will be in a defined area.

Ask around friends with cats if you want to try Feliway - it's hellish expensive and did no good at all for mine, so somebody might have some that they'd happily give you. BigFierceCat seemed chillled by it, LittleNervyCat, for whom we'd got it, was entirely unmoved. She chilled in time.

theodorakis · 30/03/2012 09:51

Keep the cats and get a new partner, preferably one who doesn't think he can tell you what do, he insists, he said he isn't having them doing this and that...what do you want to do, can't you compromise?