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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is DH being unreasonable about the cats?

49 replies

AwkwardMary · 30/03/2012 08:50

We have 2 rescue Siamese brothers...had them for 10 months now. They are wimps and very affectionate...they're a bit nervy about the Toms who come into our garden but one brother tries to stand up to them.

Our cats like to sleep all day in their office...then when the DC go to bed, they come and hear the bedtime story and have a cuddle with the DC and then come and sit with DH and I to watch tv. (they do)

Then they spend the night racketing about the house and chasing spiders...they have a little run in the garden, hunt some beetles etc and then come in to chase some more and have a kip on the sofa. One of the brothers occassionaly pees when we have gone to bed...though...usually on a cushion.

DH says they must go out ALL night now...as he wont have them peing in the house...it happened the other night and so last night he put them both out all night. They sat under the table on the patio and mewed all night apparently. I sleep like a dead thing and never heard them...DH insists they go out again...I think it is cruel to pyut two slightly nervy and highly strung cats out all night. AIBU or is DH? They have 2 littler trays and this has happened on an off since we got them...vet says no infections...the cat is just highly strung and will do this when over excited or feeling lazy..

OP posts:

wannaBe · 30/03/2012 09:56

I shut my cats out at night but they have a cat flap into the garage. Could you do something like that? install a cat flap into a shed or something so they have shelter but aren't in the house.

I wouldn't be happy with cats peeing in the house either.

As for "keep the cats and get a new partner" what a bloody ridiculous statement.

thegreylady · 30/03/2012 10:25

Put two litter trays by the door and make sure they are clean at night.I have always had Oriental cats-Burmese,Siamese and Tonkinese and they cannot cope with the cold outside at night.They are also vulnerable to stray cats,dogs,thieves etc.If your dh wont relent then you must rehome the cats.Putting them out at night is cruel.

prettybird · 30/03/2012 11:48

Just to add that our Siamese have always been allowed out at night via the cat flap but they choose to sleep most of the night on our or ds' bed cos they are softies

Actually think I read somewhere that Siamese are not as nocturnal as other cats because, as "white" cats, it's not as safe for them but I might be imagining that

DinahMoHum · 30/03/2012 11:55

i dont think its unreasonable to not want the cats pissing on your cushions every night. Id probably rehome cats for that if it was a long standing occurance

MessNessPess · 30/03/2012 11:55

What about shutting them in the bathroom, if space is tight put the tray in the bath or shower and a cushion on the floor.

Peeing sounds like a defensive territory thing and being shut outside will not help, tho you could get them an outdoor cat kennel like this

prettybird · 30/03/2012 12:16

When you say "occasionally", how often is that? We had a problem for a wee while in a particular corner until we absolutely made sure there was no smell left.

The other thing we did (difficult for you I suspect as it's presumably on a chair/sofa) was put put their food and water bowls in the problem area.

MadameChinLegs · 30/03/2012 12:21

My MIL had a problem with one of her cats peeing, and like you, she didnt want to put them out each night ALL night. She took (slightly drastic) a house brick out of her wall, with a cat flap attached to the hole on the outside (has UPVC doors to couldnt fit on in there) and put a large animal cage attached tot he hole on the inside with lovely blankets and water in. Now, the cats get 'put out' but have the option of coming in through the flap to a warm bed. They don't pee in it, as it is their sleeping place.

They seem to love it, and she will leave the cage door open daytimes and they still go in there for a snooze.

Original poster

AwkwardMary · 30/03/2012 12:49

The cat that pees did it for around two weeks after he arrived...due to anxiety. Then he stopped..but has done it on average once every month since then...it happens when he gets upset (stranger coming in for instance) or when he has a fright or gets overexcited...God he's like a toddler!

He can't help his personality...and I cannot completely protect him from frights! I won't rehome....I took them on, it's my resonsibility to get this fixed to everyones satisfaction.

I DID think of the bathroom....purely because its warm and clean...but I am not sure they'd like it...they DO like a wander and I can imagine them making up all sorts of silly games in there..."Let's leap off the medicine cabinet" and "Who can learn to open the bin up?" springs to mind. They can already open cupboards and would probably spend the evening painting their claws and eating bathcubes.

They do like the radiator in there though because it has a cover thing on it which makes a nice sleep spot. I might try it....

OP posts:

albertswearengen · 30/03/2012 13:00

Once a month is not really a problem as far as I'm concerned. But then I had a cat who sprayed a lot.
Feliway may help if you haven't tried it. If you lock them in the bathroom they will keep you awake all night mewing and wrecking the place.
If there are Tom's about outside and you lock them out at night your big feartybum cat will get even more stressed and start peeing all the time.
Does your dh not realise the cats are probably dancing all over the kitchen surfaces at night anyway. I think the kitchen door thing sounds good. Also our cat that peed on things liked soft absorbent stuff like cushions and duvets- so we just made sure there were none around for him to get at.

thegreylady · 30/03/2012 13:06

I love Siamese-I have tonks atm,but all Orientals are lovely.I'd defiinitely shut them out of the living room whether kitchen,bathroom or somewhere else.Give them the peed on cushion!I think Feliway can work too.Another idea re counters etc.-if you unroll bacofoil over the couter-secured at each end of course-they hate it and will only try to jump up once :)

kitsmummy · 30/03/2012 13:14

Feliway is really not that expensive and I think when you take on animals you should be sure you can afford the expense of keeping them, so for the £20 per month or whatever it might cost for the diffuser it has to be worth a go?

MessNessPess · 30/03/2012 13:14

Give them bubble wrap and crinkly paper to play with and empty the bin each night.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 30/03/2012 13:16

DH is NBU... Cat piss is disgusting. Keep them at night in a room with a catflap to the outside and a wipe-clean floor.

Marymaryalittlecontrary · 30/03/2012 13:24

I'm obviously a horrible person as I do put one of my cats outside all night. But, in my defence, she is fluffy, independent, has lots of undergrowth to sleep in, and would poo and wee in the house every night if I didn't. I also put her out all day when I'm at work. It was either that or rehome her and as I took her on I didn't want to do that. In the winter I did let her stay in though - and cleaned up the inevitable mess.

prettybird · 30/03/2012 14:45

You might find that a couple of months of Feliway might be enough to settle him. And then just use it occasionally to calm him.

You can also buy a Feliway spray that you could use when you're aware he's been distressed - especially close to where the problem peeing area is.

tabulahrasa · 30/03/2012 15:04

Marymary - fluffy and indendent is pretty much the opposite of most siamese, lol

I don't see any issue with shutting them in the kitchen, if they have access to it now, they've already been all over the worktops - I just wipe mine down before I use them, even if I haven't seen one up there, it's easier to assume a cat's been on it.

Original poster

AwkwardMary · 30/03/2012 19:45

Agree tabulah my cats are slinky and clingy rather than fluffy and independant. They regularly MEEEOOW in my ear just so I will tell them they're handsome.

OP posts:

SkinnedAlive · 30/03/2012 22:26

You can also try a babygate if you can't get a kitchen door. My bengals will not jump over a babygate, even though they can jump onto the top of the actual door when open Feliway is worth a try - shop around for prices and try the cat forum here - some kind person may let you have some to try.

iscream · 31/03/2012 09:04

Poor babies meowing all night under the patio table. Put tin foil all over the kitchen countertops, they won't like that and will stay off. You can reuse it everynight if you are careful not to tear it. Cheap at the dollar store /pound store.

Freshlettice · 31/03/2012 09:31

I really woudn't have them out at night, not only is it the most high-risk time for cats being hit by a car, siamese are people cats and will be seriously affected by this, making their weeing behaviour worse. They may start wee - protesting during the day then as well, so then what would you do?
My catflap is always set to in-only, so I can only let my burmese & british blue out each morning. When they come back in, they are in until we get home and will use the trays.
Also, you need at least 1 tray per cat, they do not like sharing and this may stress them out, the trays must be kept really clean too, or they may not want to use it.
I think closing them in the kitchen would be ok, they have each other for company. Get them a nice comfy bed.

iscream · 06/04/2012 04:18

Cats also don't like it if you loop sticky tape inside out and put it in areas you do not want them to walk. I did the foil and the tape to train mine to stay off of the counter and it worked. I also found that putting the foil in my larger potted plants (that one considered to be a litter box kept them out of it.

sashh · 06/04/2012 05:17

YANBU - throw DH out for a night

sunshineandbooks · 06/04/2012 09:43

I'd say locking them in the kitchen and wiping down the worktops in the morning is an acceptable compromise.

Feliway isn't as expensive if you buy it online.

CervixWithASmile · 06/04/2012 09:58

Is it always the same cushion, if so, get rid if it. Don't clean up any puddles with bleach as the ammonia smells like wee to them.

If you only have one cat tray get two. If they don't have lids then add them, or vice versa. If unlidded then one of the cats might be winding up the other sometimes when trying to use it. Make sure it backs into a corner as well.

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