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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed about this?

26 replies

anychocswilldo · 29/03/2012 18:06

My dh's brother and his wife just had a little baby girl, we havn't met her yet so dh arranged for himself,me and our dc's to go this weekend to meet her. I'm not too keen on going as his brother has made zero effort with our dc's but I feel it would be petty to not go coz of this. I do like bil and his wife btw. Anyway, I've just seen an email from bil confirming that Sunday is fine and he'll get some beers in if my dh is up for it. I am majorly pissed off by this, what does he think I'll b doing? Looking after the kids while they have a great time? Aibu to be pissed off about this? Dh hasn't seen e mail btw.

OP posts:
AKMD · 29/03/2012 18:08

I think you're taking it a bit out of proportion because you don't really want to go in the first place. TBH if I were your SIL with a newborn I wouldn't want you and your family hanging around all afternoon anyway - 30 mins-1 hour max.

CrockoDuck · 29/03/2012 18:08

Oh come on...they're blokes!

I expect there'll be a nice bottle of sweet sherry for the laydees, so what's the problem?

YA being a wee bit U, I think.

Kayano · 29/03/2012 18:09

He has asked his brother if he would like a drink with him on Sunday

YABU

It's only a question and DH could say no.

HolyCalamityJane · 29/03/2012 18:09

Yes sorry but I think YABU. It is your DH's brother so he probably wants to catch up and have a few beers. If it say was your sister would your DH let you girls have a few wines whilst he looked after kids? I know mine would?

Rosa · 29/03/2012 18:11

They want to wet the babies head..However I agree small newborn you don't want to stay too long even if family unless they have a huge house and you can not disturb !

catsareevil · 29/03/2012 18:12

YABU.

everlong · 29/03/2012 18:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AutumnSummers · 29/03/2012 18:14

YABU

Original poster
anychocswilldo · 29/03/2012 18:15

I did suggest to dh that just he pop round and we could go as a family another time, apparantly he's checked and we're all welcome. Though I wonder if anybody has checked with my sister in law! We would only go for 30 mins or so.

OP posts:
AKMD · 29/03/2012 18:17

DH sent a text to everyone on his phonebook to say we were up for visitors. I was still in hospital and NOT amused! He also went to football Hmm It took him about a month to realise that life was not the same as it was pre-baby and that AKMD with no sleep is a very grumpy and needy person.

Original poster
anychocswilldo · 29/03/2012 18:21

I agree AKMD think I'll txt her myself

OP posts:
mamij · 29/03/2012 21:51

They are men and see things differently. I agree that you should check with sil to see if she's really ok. With both DDs as newborns, I didn't really want visitors. And even when they came, I was counting the minutes until they showed signs of leaving! 30mins-1hr is good as sil will probably welcome the visit and appreciate the time for her to rest afterwards.

ragingmull · 29/03/2012 21:55

YABU, what makes you think you won't be offered a beer anyway?

Weird.

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 29/03/2012 23:48

I think YABU

If it was me, I would go along happily to see your BIL, SIL and new niece, and I would offer to help them with some chores or cooking whilst there. I think you're being a bit mean spirited.

DoubleGlazing · 30/03/2012 00:03

Tell them you haven't had a good beer for ages and you're looking forward to it :o

WorraLiberty · 30/03/2012 00:10

Since when does drinking a few beers equate to 'having a good time'? Confused

I think a little lightening up is the order of the day

Who knows, they might even let you drink one if it helps you chill out Wink

ll31 · 30/03/2012 00:14

think you sound unreasonable - esp the bit about not being keen on going because "his brother has made zero effort with our dc's" - think this is what your post is about not the completely unremarkable bit about the beers.

EdithWeston · 30/03/2012 00:21

Will you be driving? In which case, persuade DH that he's the driver, and you have the beers...

WorraLiberty · 30/03/2012 00:30

Why Edith? Confused

What's wrong with the OP's DH having a beer with his own brother?

If the OP wanted a beer with her sister, would you advise her DH to persuade her she's the driver and then have the beer himself?

Jinsei · 30/03/2012 00:30

What's the issue, exactly? Confused

Firawla · 30/03/2012 00:39

I dont see the problem here yabu

EdithWeston · 30/03/2012 06:50

More of a "why not", I suppose.

OP sounded as if she needed cheering up, and my tongue-in-cheek suggestion was for that.

If one has to be deathly serious about it, then I suppose I could point out that having a good time should never be alcohol-dependent, and it was the email suggesting the men drinking, thus implying the women stuck with the children, that seemed to cause most resentment. Changing that scenario into a more family event to welcome the new baby might reconcile OP to a visit she doesn't want to make.

LoonyRationalist · 30/03/2012 06:58

Before having children of their own some people are just not baby/children people. Hence your feeling that billion has not made an effort with your family is suspect. Why not use this opportunity to have a fresh start, visit with an open mind, offer to help with any chores and yes mind the children whilst your dh & his db bond over their new shared role as fathers.

LoonyRationalist · 30/03/2012 06:59

Grr bil not billion and I suspect not is suspect. Sorry

PeppaIsBack · 30/03/2012 07:00

Well I can see the Op's pov tbh.
They are going (all her family) to see her sil, bil and the baby (ie their family) just to be told 'Oh H and BIl will have a beer together' with no inclusion of any of the other members. Wonder how if they stays just 30min the 2 of them will have time for beers and spending a few minutes all together
I would find that strange tbh.

I can totally see how her BIL might not have switched to a 'dad' role yet which could explain the answer.

So no YANBU. He needs to wake up to his new family situation.