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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

or is it actually not okay to make snide remarks about a stranger's appearance?

56 replies

Hobs · 28/03/2012 15:02

I was in Starbucks this afternoon, at the counter waiting for my drink, with a woman standing next to me. She kept staring at my tshirt.

When I caught her eye she gave me a Hmm look and asked what my t-shirt said.

It's a white outdoorsy t-shirt with a pink bunny on the front made up of the words "ski bunny" written over and over again.

I said "it says ski bunny"

She broke out into a grin and said "oh, that's good. I thought it said skinny bunny and you're not one of those" Then took her drink and walked off

I am Shock. The guys serving in Starbucks thought it was hillarious. I want to set fire to her face , or, you know, find her and make some suitably scathing remarks back.

Aibu?

OP posts:
OlaRapaceFru · 28/03/2012 19:16

She wasn't unreasonable to ask you what it said. (I'm turning into my Mum and I might possibly have asked you the same question Blush).

But she was waaay unreasonable to make the comment that she did. (My response would have been, "oh, thanks, I just couldn't work out what it was saying, what a lovely T-shirt - I love skiing").

flippinada · 28/03/2012 19:22

How astonishingly rude of her.

The problem with this sort of thing is you're often so shocked you don't know how to respond.

Personally, while I like 'did you mean to be so rude' good, Bupcakes response is my favourite.

Original poster
Hobs · 28/03/2012 19:25

Bupcakes Grin Grin

chandellina Personally, I hate anything that calls taking the piss out of other people for "entertainment". I don't want any part of it.

taxi I guess she could have been, but there's no way I'd have known without asking her, which would have been rude! And Grin at your story. I hate it when people change to speak another language just to insult you.

chocobo HOW RUDE was that woman? Shock Shock Shock

OP posts:
flippinada · 28/03/2012 19:25

Actually the Starbucks guy was a wanker too, wasn't he? Maybe his manager might have something to say about his inappropriate sense of humour.

bigmouthstrikesagain · 28/03/2012 19:39

How bloody rude it would not occur to me to day that to someone! Still today a woman I know pretty well commented when she watched me heaving a overloaded pushchair up a small hill " you should be really skinny hauling that lot about!" Obv I am not ... I said "its all muscle" but maybe I should have just cried... Or said "what do you mean, 'should'???"

She is always saying crappy things she has no filter... Fortunately I find her amusing many don't.

Original poster
Hobs · 28/03/2012 19:43

Well yes, he was a bit of a wanker too, but I don't think he was being intentionally rude. Or at least, not so overtly that I'd complain.

I guess he may also have thought I was too fat to be wearing a "skinny bunny" t-shirt, but he might just have found it funny that anyone would make that comment to a total stranger iyswim!

OP posts:
flippinada · 28/03/2012 19:48

I'll give the benefit of the doubt and assume it was nervous laughter in an 'I can't believe she was so f'ing rude to that woman!' way.

bigmouthstrikesagain · 28/03/2012 19:49

I agree that the 'barista' probably found the situation funny not op's tee he was also embarrassed most likely which can prompt inappropriate laughter.

Original poster
Hobs · 28/03/2012 19:50

bigmouth Shock at that too!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Hobs · 28/03/2012 19:55

I have to agree with the nervous laughter thing - I'm quite prone to it myself at times!!

OP posts:
Chocobo · 28/03/2012 19:56

I can't believe how rude some people are. I just can't understand the mindset that would allow you to be that rude to a complete stranger. Will definitely be using the standard mumsnet retort from now on. :)

Original poster
Hobs · 28/03/2012 22:59

I'm thinking of getting a t-shirt with it printed, just in case I'm ever left gobsmacked again... Grin

OP posts:
BupcakesandCunting · 29/03/2012 09:31

I work in a clothes shop and was helping a lady choose a dress for her grand-daughter for Ascot. Sje seemed really nice until she went "My grand-daughter has put on ever such a lot of weight. I mean LOADS. She is really big, I'd say about a 16-18" then her hand flew to her mouth and she went "Oh, I didn't mean any offence, sweetie."

Shock Cheeky cow I am a 12-14 (depending on the biscuit situation Chez Cunting) and a 16-18 isn't massive anyway, not in my book. And she wasn't exactly built like Twiggy herself, the shitebrained twat.

whatsallthefuss · 29/03/2012 09:35

we were in a zoo and a woman walked past with dreadlocks that looked awful. my dd said 'what has she done to her hair?'

i said 'well, she likes it' (meaning that everyone is entitled to look how they want to and if they feel it looks nice who am i to comment)

but my friend said i was being really bitchy... ooh she likes it.

i genuinely meant not to sound bitchy but apparently i did!

worldgonecrazy · 29/03/2012 09:46

It's not rude to make snide remarks as long as the person doesn't know you've made snide remarks.

Who hasn't walked past someone in the street and thought at least one of the following:

WTF are they wearing.
Haven't they heard of mirrors.
10 lb of sausages in a 5lb bag
Mutton dressed as lamb.
Colour blind.
Poor little fashion victim.
Stop waving your fake handbag around you stupid little cow.
I can see your pants - buy a belt!

I could go on and on and on and on.

bigmouthstrikesagain · 29/03/2012 10:03

Worldgonecrazy - Hmm - I don't think that the op or anyone else was suggesting that people should not be allowed 'uncharitable' thoughts - it is entirely different to snide remarks as they are said out loud - no one can police you thoughts - but many thoughts like the examples you list should remain unspoken.

Angelico · 29/03/2012 10:11

She sounds like a cow. Just be happy you're not her - or anyone who spends time with her!

jasminerice · 29/03/2012 10:13

bigmouth, I can't believe you actually had to spell that out to worldgone.

BillBrysonsRucksack · 29/03/2012 10:14

Bupcakes - "a 16-18 isn't massive anyway, not in my book"

You've made my day! Grin Thanks

AutumnSummers · 29/03/2012 10:16

Something like that would ruin my whole day. YANBU

AutumnSummers · 29/03/2012 10:16

accidentman Bravo!

NoMoreInsomnia12 · 29/03/2012 10:24

I loved going out while heavily pregnant. Didn't get nasty comments but loved the reaction when people asked "Oh, when are you due?"
"Five days ago". :) Shock

pohara · 29/03/2012 10:27

chocobo She told you you looked like a gorilla? Shock

My mother makes horrible remarks about strangers within earshot. I have absolutely no idea what she gets out of this sport, but I sure as hell try to go nowhere public with her.

deliciousdevilwoman · 29/03/2012 10:28

Some people are so fucking rude, it beggars belief. WTAF makes them think they have the "right" to make such snidey/insulting remarks? OP, I seriously hope that one day, she makes a similar comment to the wrong random person, and gets at the very least, a scathing mouthful or better still, punched!

I remember years ago, at my mother's funeral, an uncle I hadn't seen in years walked up to me, and the first thing he said was "You've packed on the on weight, haven't you girl?" Errrr, yes, dipshit, considering I was only 14 when I last set eyes on you. I was 25 and a size 12/14-hardly mahoosive....but even if I had been, why the fuck ANYONE should comment publicly and rudely on anothers weight is beyond me.

tantrumsandballoons · 29/03/2012 10:49

My mum is a bit overweight. We were at an opticians and a woman came and stood where we were sitting, looked at my mum and said "oh it looks like there is no room for me now" (there clearly was 2 seats so plenty of room)
Then she said " have you ever watched the biggest loser on tv? You should watch it, it might help you"

I remembered the mn advice and asked her if she meant to be so rude.
She looked at me in amazement, spluttered an apology and walked off!