To not share a bed with my dh

[MamaMaiasaura]

We not shared a bed for over 4 years. We are still very much in love and close. He sleeps deeply, snores, snuffles and keeps me awake. I have baby dd in our room and nurse her in night. I get up in night with dc so dh sleeps and refreshed for work. I sleep well although lightly. So we are all happy, all getting sleep. So AIBU in not wanting to change it to "fit" what is perceived as better by my mother. She actually thinks that it's wrong for a couple to sleep seperately.

OFGS - this has what do do with your mother? and why do you discuss your sleeping arrangements with anyone outside of the bedroom?

jesus - I know Im short tempered tonight - but for crying out loud - do you text her when you take a piss a well?

If it works for your family why change things? DH often sleeps on our sofa for very same reasons and it keeps us all sane!

Trois - fuck off grumpy wink] I don't text her when I take a piss, and no it's not her business. She has directly asked as noticed dh's duvet on sofa yonks ago when she came over and said then (talking years ago) and I've learnt to change subject. However I wondered if ibu or if it's quite common to sleep seperately as this has come up in discussion on antenatal threads.

I think this is more common these days than people realise. If it works for both of you then why change things?

If we had the space I would merrily sleep separately to dp. I snore and wriggle and feed dd2 and kick him and sleep talk and all manner of other things that keep him awake. He's then grumpy all day because he doesn't get much sleep and it's all my fault apparently. I would LOVE for him to sleep in the spare room but we haven't got one, and the sofa isn't long enough for him (and I'm not the one who's going to move out of my comfy bed)

DP and I sleep apart most nights, he works untill after midnight 5 nights a week and sleeps in the spare room, I sleep in our room with DD, it started in my late pregnancy when I couldn't bare to be around him couldn't settle with his breathing, and then carried on as I nursed DD in the night and he would disturb us and us him.

We sleep together the nights he is at home, and our relationship is happy and healthy in all other respects. It works for us.

I remember my friend saying that her DH slept in the spare room when her DC were babies, before I had DD, and I thought it very odd, I couldn't imagine sleeping apart from my DP - then motherhood hit, and sleep became so precious that IMO you do whatever you can to get the most sleep all round!! I fully understand her situation now I'm in it myself

DH and I don't share a bed, haven't slept together all night in many years, certainly since DD arrived one of us has been in with her, me for first 18months then we started night weaning and we do alternate nights. Prior to having DD I had to leave for work at seven and DH didn't go to bed until am so we frequently slept apart to ensure neither woke the other.

One day we will sleep together again all night! Till then sleep for all of us is more importnat

Yanbu. As long as you and DH are both happy with the arrangements, it's fine. My DH has slept in the spare room most nights for years. It works for us. :)

If we had space I would definitely have my own separate bedroom with superking sized bed and DH would sleep in his own room. He snores and I am a spreadthebed so YANBU.

DH slept in the spare room for nearly a year after DD was born as I was bf and she woke a lot, and he has a long drive to work (I was terrified he would fall asleep at the wheel if he was in with us). It took some getting used to when he came back to bed again, I quite liked the whole place to myself!

2am*

wow, I really didn't realise how common it is. Its definately right for us to get sleep and dh is such a lovely man.

If it works for you then why change it. Personally i could never not share a bed with DP on a perm basis (we have often decamped when snoring became too much, other was pissed or after a row!) as that is one of the best parts of being with him in my eyes (warm big and cuddly). I doubt he would like it either, once i said i was going to move into the spare room for a while as his snoring was so bad. He nearly cried and immediately went and got some allergy medicine!

We do also have a super big bed tho, so some nights (if it's hot) we don't even touch! romantic!

How on earth does your mother know where you and your DH sleep?
My DH and I oooo get me, all Queen Victoria sleep in different rooms and have done for years. It suits us, and our sex life and/or marriage certainly haven't suffered because of it.

Is he overweight? If so, that might be causing his snoring. Wouldn't you do better trying to tackle the cause of his snoring rather than just sleeping separately?

Pombear -3rd post. She asked directly yonks ago after I had ds2 and she saw duvet on sofa. She did the -.- and hmmm then said its not right. "sigh" I know her POV is irrelevant but I just wondered if we are actually that unusual

i find it quite a turn on, sneaking into his room for some loving :)

my DH works nights so go for weeks without sharing a bed

imperial it's mostly allergies and nasal issues. He has spray and antihestamine. He is a little overweight but not hugely. He doesn't drink either. Tbh even when he's not snoring, I still prefer to sleep seperately

I find any excuse possible to get my husband to sleep in the spare room. I usually manage it one or two days a week and those are the only days I sleep well and feel rested in the morning. I thought I would get used to sharing a bed but I just don't sleep well with someone else next to me. He doesn't like it but gives in when I get teary that I am so tired or start my monthly batch of steroids which disrupt my sleep enough as it is. I'd much prefer permanently separate sleeping arrangements. So the current situation is a compromise.

I have never mentioned this to my mother. I think my parents have only slept apart when one of them has been in hospital. My mother claims she hasn't had a decent night's sleep in 40 years. She'd probably tell me to grin and bear it. More fool her, I say!

I might be wrong, but historically I thought the women slept with their dc and men folk seperately. I like that way . Off to my lovely bed, currently empty of dc. Smallest will want feed in about 30 min and at some point during the night ds2 will creep in too. He's only started sleeping in his own bed this past fortnight and totally his choice. He doesn't manage whole night tho and needs cuddles

i couldnt sleep if DP wasn't in bed with me wuss but if it works for you, thats great. Am wondering if all the separate sleepers would consider twin beds, or is that just too Aunt Maud?

I'd like seperate beds but not a single... I spread out.

Eurochick - do steroids disrupt your sleep too? I find it really hard to sleep on steroids?...

Sorry Op! No - you are deffo not being unreasonable...

Yes, it is a well-known side effect of the one I am (Prednisolone). I take them for about 10 days a month, from a day or two after ovulation until negative pregnancy test and the first couple of days each month are always the worst for me.