To still be upset with my neighbour?

[Maccapaccawacca]

When DS was 7 months he had an accident at home. He needed an ambulance transfer to A&E (all is well now).

I live in a small cul-de-sac and there was a fast responder car and an ambulance in our road. They weren't there very long - enough time for me to get some clothes on and get DS into car seat. As we were being loaded into the ambulance the paramedic said something to me about my neighbour asking something. Not being in a fit state to concentrate at the time I assumed he meant a neighbour friend of mine, who I assumed would have been asking if everything was ok. It struck me as odd at the time that the paramedic should look so pissed off about this...

Anyway, when I get back from hospital and the dust has settled I see my neighbour friend to de-brief. She informs me that my other neighbour was actually asking the paramedic if they were going to be much longer as she was late for work, and they were blocking her driveway .....I understand now why he commented on it.

AIBU to find this completely unacceptable? She is a nurse (in a care home) and has 2 DC herself - so SURELY she would understand how awful it is to have a baby being put into an ambulance? Her job (not that I suppose this matters) is a ten minute walk away, which she drives to (I don't have aproblem with that,I know about school runs etc etc)

This happened a few months ago and i'm finding it hard to be anything other than civil towards her. I know the BBQ season is going to start soon and we have at least one get-together in the close each year. I guess we will have to avoid it? or do I just forget about it now?

I'd forget about it, what's the alternative? take her to task about her unreasonable behaviour? she's not likely to agree with you is she it'd probably just cause more resentment.

Why be anything but civil? Why would you want a relationship with that person? She harassed a paramedic, she is not a nice person. Be polite but don't have anything to do with her. She was completely out of order.

I would find this very hard to put behind me. How utterly insensitive. at how selfish some people are. Glad DS is ok now.

As you've heard this 2nd hand I think it's tricky to tackle as your other neighbour may have exaggerated etc.

Maybe as she works in health care she thought it was a mum being over-cautious and calling an ambulance over something tiny...

Or maybe she didn't realise the ambulance was for you/ your DC

Or maybe she wasn't paying attention to it/ was distracted / had been told she would be sacked if she was late and was just being a bit thoughtless

Or maybe she's a heartless cow.

If she's nice in other ways and you want to get on I'd forget about it.

Ivana - FWIW I also work in healthcare so I would like to think she would know I wouldn't call an ambulance because i'd run out of Tampax . Also, the way our road is designed it would have been obvious the ambulance was for my house.

I would let it go.

She acted like an immense tosser, but you really should have mentioned something around the time. To bring it up now would just stir up bad feeling. Living close to others you have to sometimes bite your tongue. You don't have to be her best mate, just keep being civil, as you have been.

She shouldn't have asked how long they'd be, but perhaps the question was done in a nice way and not in a huffy 'how much longer' way. Perhaps she's been at trouble at work and was worried. I'm not excusing her, I'm just saying that there are many ways of asking a question and if she wasn't confrontational but querying I would be less angry with her. She'd probably be mortified to realise how upset it's made you.

I would try to forget it - or you'll just get eaten up by it. You can always pee in her glass of wine at the bar-b-q.

I don't want her as a friend and we don't see each other socially, it's just that its such an enclosed little place to live that I often see her and i'm finding it hard to forget it. I am reminded everytime I see her (usually about twice a day, at least). But yes, you are right, it's too late now and she probably doesn't think it was wrong anyway.

Pondering at the logistics of peeing in wine and wonders if DH would 'cover for me'....

Take a hip flask.

Did she bother to come and see you afterwards to seeing how you/ DC were? If not, definitely pee in the wine!

YANBU for it still to be bugging you but as you say you will obviously come into contact. So what would it take do you think to help you move on?

No she never mentioned the incident, despite seeing me arrive home from hospital looking like shit, obviously upset.

Scrappy - I know, i just need to move on, I doubt there is anything that i can write on here that would help!

hmmm yes she was U

BUT I was once on a warning for being late mostly kid related things, but having employers who thought women having children were scum it didnt matter what the reason sooooooo tbh and to my shame I may have asked the same question back then. Not saying she was right, but if the alternative if the loss of a job for being late again........maybe she is / was in that position?

I would love to be a fly on the wall as you leave for the barbecue if you take that hip flask of pee.

"Have we got everything? Sunscreen?"
"We said we'd bring the sausages, have you got them?"
"What about drinks?"
"We're taking the orange juice and the hip flask of wee, don't muddle them up."

She may have pressure from the night staff to get in on time, night staff may have children to get to school etc. She may have had to phone her work to let them know she was going to be late - not excusing her behaviour. She should still have knocked on your door later to see if you where ok.

Some people are not aware of anyone else but themselves - maybe she is one of them. Be the bigger person and try and forget it, especially if you all live in a small area.

Oh YANBU by the way!!

Why not ask her if everything's ok at work now. When she asks why you're asking that, say 'I assumed you were on a last warning or something, as you were hassling to ambulance to move when DS was ill'.

Not worth the energy. Coolly polite I think.

Macca, the absolute sheer selfishness of some people never, ever fails to shock me.
I was once on the phone, on my own but in a public building where i used to work . I was reporting a sexual assault that had just been perpertrated on myself, when I felt a tap on my shoulder.
"can you renew my books, love" (it was a library).
I hated that woman for years.
And years.

Its hard to toughen up, though.
What a bitch.

YANBU.
(sorry, didnt intend to hijack the thread-just wanted to say that from my experience, its not worth the energy to dwell on her shittiness)

I would give her the benefit of the doubt and think that perhaps she ws asking to see if it was worth waiting to take her car, or set off on foot.

She wouldn't get away with phoning in late, unless it was a personal emergancy, she would have to take the hand over because she carries the responsibility for that shift.

You've got to let this go. You didn't hear the question or the tone she used and actually, for all you know, she may be kicking herself about making such an insensitive remark to the paramedic. It might be that she simply said the first thing that came into her head when she realised she was going to be late.

Don't let this fester. It's not healthy to dwell for this long on something you only had reported third hand.