To still be upset with my neighbour?

[Maccapaccawacca]

When DS was 7 months he had an accident at home. He needed an ambulance transfer to A&E (all is well now).

I live in a small cul-de-sac and there was a fast responder car and an ambulance in our road. They weren't there very long - enough time for me to get some clothes on and get DS into car seat. As we were being loaded into the ambulance the paramedic said something to me about my neighbour asking something. Not being in a fit state to concentrate at the time I assumed he meant a neighbour friend of mine, who I assumed would have been asking if everything was ok. It struck me as odd at the time that the paramedic should look so pissed off about this...

Anyway, when I get back from hospital and the dust has settled I see my neighbour friend to de-brief. She informs me that my other neighbour was actually asking the paramedic if they were going to be much longer as she was late for work, and they were blocking her driveway .....I understand now why he commented on it.

AIBU to find this completely unacceptable? She is a nurse (in a care home) and has 2 DC herself - so SURELY she would understand how awful it is to have a baby being put into an ambulance? Her job (not that I suppose this matters) is a ten minute walk away, which she drives to (I don't have aproblem with that,I know about school runs etc etc)

This happened a few months ago and i'm finding it hard to be anything other than civil towards her. I know the BBQ season is going to start soon and we have at least one get-together in the close each year. I guess we will have to avoid it? or do I just forget about it now?

...She informs me that my other neighbour was actually asking the paramedic if they were going to be much longer as she was late for work, and they were blocking her driveway .....I understand now why he commented on it.

It's a genuine question - there doesn't necessarily need to be any malice behind it.

It's possible she was being insensitive, but it's also possible she really needed to know.

I agree with Birds and Unimaginative - it doesn't mean there needs to be malice. Ambulances often get called to peoples houses and are then there sometime, and it turns out it's not the emergency it was first thought to be. It's not an unreasonable question, so she could judge what to do next (walk, phone in late, get taxi, whatever). It REALLY isn't worth stewing over.
Glad your ds is OK now

I think you are making more of this than is really neccesary. She only asked if the ambulance was going to be there for a long time, presumably she asked a paramedic who wasn't in the middle of life saving resuscitation at the time. She may have wanted to make a choice about whether to walk to work or whether it would be ok to wait, tbh if she works in healthcare it is important that she is on time for work.

She may also be a bit desensitised to things like ambulances, and her patients are as important to someone else as your child is to you. I don't think what she did was that bad at all, especially when you aren't in a position to judge how she said it or the tone she used.

YABU, let it go.

You really cannot tell how she said it or why.

She could have just been asking to find out genuinelly how long they were going to be. She might have had to phone into work to tell them she was going to be late.
As PPs have said she might have been wondering if she needed to make alternative travel arrangements.
Why think the worst?

A policeman parked in my OH's disabilty spot a few months ago.
I politely asked him if he was going to be there a long time.
I got treated to a full on 'do you realise what I am doing?' speech. I bet he thought I was a petty bitch who cared more about her parking space than the crime he was investigating. He didnt give me time to explain why I was asking. He was far to full of self rightious indignation to care.

Actually I was just checking a.he knew he was parked in a disability spot and b. if he was going to be a long time I would have to call my OH and warn him and I would have stayed up so I could park the car once OH got out.

So unless you are sure that your neighbour was being selfish and rude, leave it. Its very unfair to assume she is a bitch based on so little information.

It doesn't show her in a good light, but also bear in mind that you don't know exactly what she said, how she said it, or what was going through her mind.

What I think is undeniable is that you had a traumatic experience, and you are focusing residual anger and distress on this incident. She may well deserve it, but that isn't really the point: by continuing to seethe about her you are perhaps neglecting what is really going on here, which seems to me to be the need to take care of yourself and your continuing distress about what happened that day.

Best of luck. I'm glad to hear your baby is better.

I can't understand people's malice towards this woman. She would've been really out of order to interrupt a paramedic if he was dealing with the child, or to ask the distraught parent, but to ask the paramedic who wasn't actually busy at the time seems fine to me.
As others have said maybe she was trying to decide whether to wait for the ambulance to move, or should she just start walking.
Maybe even it was her way of trying to find out what was going on and how serious the situation was.
But OP I really think you should not have any ill feelings towards this woman for this one incident. She didn't do anything to you or try to interfere with the care your son received, just made a reasonable inquiry.

Sounds a perfectly reasonable question to me She wasn't shouting at the ambulance, as far as you know she asked a perfectly civil question at a point where she could see the paramedic was free. From what you said she asked after they'd been there some time, she didn't storm up and ask as soon as they'd arrived.

She may have meant "because if you're not I'll ask my friend to pick me up/I'll walk in/I need to phone them to say I'll be late".

You could just as well have an AIBU saying "Don't you think my collegue could have phoned to say she'd be late because an ambulance was blocking her drive..."

It depends on how she asked TBH. If she rolled her eyes and said 'FFS! How much longer?' I would assume she was a callous self-centred person and want very little to do with her. If she just politely asked how much longer they were going to be so she knew whether she would wait and take the car or set up on foot straight away, I think Id' let it go.

Agree with Orm if an ambulance was blocking my driveway (why did they need to do this BTW?) I would ask if I needed to get to work so that I could phone and tell them I was going to be late.

What she said doesn't necessarily indicate malice and TBH, you sound determined to fill in the gaps yourself in order to come to a negative conclusion.

That should read "Agree with Orm and ..."

While it is entirely understandable to still be upset about what happened (to your baby) and the whole experience, I agree with the other posters who are suggesting that you might have transferred this upset onto your neighbour unreasonably.

To ask whether your car is going to be blocked for long (so that you can work round the situation to carry on with what has to be done (I.e. work/school run) isn't in itself malicious. Of course ,uch depends upon tone, but since you didn't hear the comment yourself you don't really know what was said.

For example, if I was blocked in at school pick up time I would need to work out how long that might be for so that I could either set out at a run for school (long walk with younger ds2) or ring a friend to see whether they could collect dc1 and dc2, or to ring the school to say I might be late picking up. I would be chivvying or tsk-ing. But it would help to know if you see what I mean.

YABU - she just asked how long they were going to be. I think you are overreacting

Pooka said it so much better...

yrnbu

Thanks

And to op. It must have been a dreadful time for you - I remember when ds2 was ill when he was 4 weeks old (only quick hospital stay) being terribly shocked and anxious. An aunt asked a really insensitive question which was later passed back to be via another aunt and while rationally I don't think she meant any harm or malice I was terribly cross because I was a bit fragile bonkers at the time!

I am not defending myself here - I agree that perhaps I am oversensitive as it was an awful time for me & DS etc - but when the paramedic got into the ambulance he was moaning and pissed off about my neighbour.

I didn't realise at the time what had happened. Then my other neighbour told me she was horrified to overhear the woman in question 'hassling' the paramendic.

So really, the fact that 2 people had reacted in a negative way has probably led me down this path..

I dont want to upset any paramedics but as OH was one for 6 years and I worked in A&E for nearly ten I feel quite qualified

they do tend towards moaniness.

Your nice neighbour could possibly be being a bit dramatic?

I dont think you will ever know and that the point really. Why get upset when you cant possibly know what happened. Far better to forget it and assume it was a misunderstanding.

If she is an old cow you will find out sooner or later.

I dont know what its like where you live but I wouldnt trust a word one neighbour said about another round here

It's understandable. It's a stressful time when your DC is ill. I remember being worried because the ambulance parked in my neighbours extra space when my DD had a febrile convulsion. Said neighbour had gone off at us the previous week for having the pizza delivery van park in the same spot for 2 mins, so I was worried he'd be just as pissed off at an ambulance. As it was, he rang the bell the next day to see how DD was and was really nice.

That's a bit unprofessional of the ambulance driver IMO. You were probably stressed as is, you didn't need him to be stirring things up as well about your neighbours. He really should have bitten his tongue.
And 'hassling' is a subjective thing. I would give your neighbour the benefit of the doubt and try and judge her now on what you see like she's like with your own eyes. Tricky to do, but I'm sure folk have slagged you or me off in the past without knowing the whole story.
Hope your wee one's ok now.

The paramedic was being very unprofessional. He is more at fault than a woman who just wanted to know if she was going to be able to get to her really quite important job any time soon. There could be anything going on with the neighbour, but either way the neighbour was shit stirring.