Would you take offence at comment from so called friend?

[Tania3376]

My mate is well off. Husband working in a city job, she works too in a well paid accountancy role. Her children wear Boden, and Monsoon and she does too. She makes a big deal when she buys their seasonal wardrobes each year and we all know about it.

I don't have much money. We're on a budget. She keeps calling me the bargain hunter when we go out together. We had a shopping trip recently and she brought another friend along and they wanted to shop in house of frazer and white stuff. I went in primark and h and m, and when we'd been in their shops and went into my shops she kept saying lets go into bargain hunter's shops now. I found some reduced clothes for my DD for the summer in primark and she kept saying look what the bargain hunter's got, oh you are really good at looking for bargains, we haven't got the time or inclination have we? to her other friend.

She has also made digs at me before because I shop at Asda and not waitrose or sainsburys, saying again she wishes she had the time and inclination to go round all the cheaper shops.

Is she being a bitch?

Playing devils advocate here....

I'm very much like you, I shop in cheaper high street shops (apart from the odd treat) and am generally good at spotting a bargain, a sale, any special offers.

My MIL (who is lovely) shops in much more expensive places. The first time we went shopping together (to get my Christmas present) I went to her places, but looked for bargains. I came out with a load of items that were gorgeous but half price.

The next time we went shopping she made loads of comments to (now) DH and FIL about what a bargain hunter I am and things very much like your friend said. I was really upset (although tried to hide it, was still working on getting brownie points!). This happened a couple of times and eventually I mentioned it to DH and was told that MIL is always going on about how good I am at shopping and how she wishes she could shop as well as me and things like that. Comments I had taken as insults were actually meant as compliments.

Perhaps (clutches straws) your friend is the same?

You know how she makes you feel, so YANBU.

But are you sure she means it this way? Getting things for a bargain is seen as a GOOD thing to do. Many people I know are embarrassed to say if they paid a lot for things, but if you compliment them will say 'Thanks, I got it half price in the sale' or 'I know it's fab isn't it, and it's Primark!' in the spirit that it is the affordable price that makes it even better.

I do not have an expensive wardrobe budget (ooh, no) and I wish I did have more opportunities to look around and shop more thriftily, so I am envious of people who have the time and /or knack for buying nice clothes at better prices.

Does she refer to your choices as 'cheap' or any actual bad descriptions of what you find? Does she admire the things you buy?

Lose her.

She sounds like she is actively trying to put you down.

Is there something in the background like you having a posher accent, or been to a posher school than her, and she needs to rub in she is better off now? Wondering...

Why would anyone go shopping with a person like this? Did you invite her or did she invite you?

Hyacinth Bucket had more tact.

OK, seen the 'fussy' post.
Why do you need to ask about this?
Trust your own judgement.

I simply can't believe anyone would voluntarily put themselves through this so I'd have to ask you why you do it? I'm genuinely interested. It would only take once for me and pretty much anyone else with half a brain so why do you allow this to happen to you?

I don't think I'd take offense, as I don't think there's wrong with shopping wherever suits you. I would however think she was rude and nasty and wouldn't particularly want to be friends with her.

People obsessed with brand names and status tend to be tedious anyway.

Yes, she's being a bitch. She is no friend, that's for sure - bin her and find people that are!

As an aside she must be really insecure about herself because people who genuinely don't want for anything in life, mentally or materially do not feel the need to either boast or put other people down.

You are friends with this woman, why?

What a horrible person.

Time spent with a friend should leave you feeling happy, not crappy!

Yep, she's being a massive bitch. 'Friend' my glossy arse

Call her the label snob in return

Sorry but she sounds like a right old cow.

tell her to go fuck herself, she is a tactless C WORD

say in a calm measured tone "at the end of the month I have £50 left. I find your bargain hunter comment interesting. as I prefer to call it living within my means. Its not that I am fussy, its just that I only have £50. you WHORE

CUNT (sorry)

"As an aside she must be really insecure about herself because people who genuinely don't want for anything in life, mentally or materially do not feel the need to either boast or put other people down."

This is true in my experience too. She probably thinks she's showing off how 'classy' she is, in fact she's doing exactly the opposite.

She doesn't sound like a very nice friend. Not sure why you go shopping with her, which it sounds like you frequently do. Are Boden and Monsoon clothes some sort of status symbol though? The can be bought on ebay for the price of Primark clothes.

she is being a bitch. And isnt a friend at all.

What a horror. I would never say anything like that to anyone!

yes she is being a bitch

trying to make you feel bad is a reflection on her not you, she has a need to do this (not worth trying to work it out you have better things to do with your time)

find a new friend who has more depth to her, this woman certainly does not

and laugh at her its pathetic is she like this

richer that you

Try the MN recommendation of giving her a long, even stare and asking 'Did you mean that to sound as rude as it did?' I love a bargain too, most of my DC's clothes come from Primark, eBay, Tesco etc and they get complimented all the time on how nice they look. Unless she actually leaves the price tags on everything she buys, what effing difference does it makes which shop it's from anyway? What a silly moo.

You know, you could just tackle her assertively.

"I choose these shops because that's what I can afford, and I really don't like it when you appear to laugh at me because my finances are not the same as yours. That's not what friends do."

Empty vessels make the most noise.

Smacks of insecurity to me. Take the advice of Mrs Thatcher.."if someone has to tell you they are rich or a woman, they are likely neither".

I revel in my ebaying, Primarke, Matalano and Georgio Asdani.

She doesn't sound much of a friend. Although if she was the epitome of style herself, I wonder why she shops in White Stuff at all.

But if you are unlucky enough to suffer another shopping expedition, it might be worth nipping all this bargain hunter malarkey in the bud. Just say that while she might find it funny, the joke has worn thin so you'd appreciate it if she desisted. Otherwise you'll leave her to shop on her own.

I had a friend like this. We used to be invited to tea so that we could be taken upstairs for A Grand Tour of the chest of drawers and marvel in wonder at her pfb's Petit Bateau vests. When my BF and I failed to be impressed enough she wondered why we thought so little of our babies that we let them wear any old vests. Quick as a flash my friend replied "Because baby sick is no respecter of designer labels is it? So we prefer not to be more discerning about what our children wear". It did shut her up a bit but tbh I don't think that ridiculously boastful tendencies are easy to shame out of people so our friendship faded somewhat.