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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have asked DPs 10 year old niece to say 'thank you'??

36 replies

Babycameearly · 26/03/2012 13:44

DPs niece visited on Friday - he gave her £10 and said 'that's to spend on your holidays'. Niece took the money,put it into her bag and said 'I've got £40 to take now'. No thanks at all - DP nor her parents didn't prompt her (not that I think she should need prompting at 10!!) so I asked her to thank DP (only on a non aggressive 'ooh, did you forget some little words there DN?' way)

She did grudgingly say 'thanks' but her parents didn't seem impressed that I'd pushed it - aibu to have prompted her?

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 26/03/2012 13:48

YANBU. Parents who are 'unimpressed' if someone insists their child says thank you are just showing how ignorant they are....

HolyCalamityJane · 26/03/2012 13:57

YANBU I would have done the same the parents clearly looked unimpressed as it looks like you think they have failed to teach their child manners which appears to be the case. Remind your DP not to give his niece anymore cash if she isn't grateful for it!

thatboysmum · 26/03/2012 14:00

YANBU, I think it is really rude not to say please and thank you, especially at that age. She was probably excited and forgot her manners for a moment which is understandable but whatever the reason, the parents should have said something themselves, not been 'unimpressed'.

MadameMessy · 26/03/2012 14:00

Yanbu, I always correct people who haven't said thank you, even when they are not my dc or even extended family Blush
its fucking rude not to say thanks.

NoOnesGoingToEatYourEyes · 26/03/2012 14:03

YANBU.

Sometimes young children, and ten is still young, can forget in the excitement of everything, so I do give DS a moment or two to remember for himself (he's almost three but usually very good with thank you's) and if he doesn't say it I prompt him.

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 26/03/2012 14:05

YANBU, but the reaction of her parents says it all really and explains exactly why she has no manners

LightbulbSoup · 26/03/2012 14:06

What an ungrateful bunch! YANBU at all. I'd have done bloody cartwheels if someone had given me a tenner spending money for my holidays when I was 10.

If I hadn't said thanks then you could be damn sure my parents would have made sure I did or the money would have been given back.

corlan · 26/03/2012 14:08

YANBU - it takes a village to raise a child (although it would be a great help if the parents put some effort in)

Sootie · 26/03/2012 14:39

YANBU. My OWN nieces did this to me and it pissed me off...Their bloody mother didn't even push them to say thank you - all I got was: "I've got £70 now"...Hmm

HeidiHole · 26/03/2012 14:43

yanbu

nickelhasababy · 26/03/2012 14:49

did she at least do the "i've got £40 now" in an excited manner?
if she did, then I would construe that as the thank you, i think.

the fact her parents didn't pick it up is shocking.

but yanbu generally, 10 is old enough to be able to say thank you.

MrsTerryPratchett · 26/03/2012 14:52

I would construe that as the thank you, I wouldn't, because it's not a thank you.

startail · 26/03/2012 14:54

YANBU
You can pick my 11 year old up on not saying thank you any time you like.

I do try and I know school does, but non of her peer group are great at thank you's

Heyyyho · 26/03/2012 14:55

Yanbu and I wouldn't have been upset if you had said that to my dd.

IAmBooyhoo · 26/03/2012 14:58

yanbu i would have done the same.

NoMoreMarbles · 26/03/2012 14:58

YANBU IMO

i have a "thankyou" tick...if someone asks for something in front of me and doesnt say please/thankyou i auto-respond thankyou/please before my brain engages...too much time spent prompting 6yo DD i thinkBlush

i did it to a man on the bus one time(i dont discriminate)...he looked embarrassed and said sorry to the driverGrin im subconsciously trying to change the world one pleasantry at a time...

sallymonella · 26/03/2012 14:58

YANBU, if mine didn't say thank you then I'd make them give it back.

valiumredhead · 26/03/2012 14:58

I agree with nickel but that's because I was brought up in a country where not so much emphasis was put into the words please and thank you but the tone implies you are grateful.

If she'd said excitedly "I've got £40 now" and smiled and generally seemed grateful then that would be fine by me.

So, either you were making a massive deal out her actually saying the word thank you and her parents were rolling their eyes at you OR they are rude gits and you should roll your eyes at them Grin

lurkedtoolong · 26/03/2012 14:59

I've been known to pull up shop assistants who don't say please or thank you. It's one of the simplest things in the world and it annoys me when children or adults don't display simple custom courtesy.

ChaoticAngel · 26/03/2012 16:36

YANBU Manners cost nothing.

Pandemoniaa · 26/03/2012 16:40

YANBU. I'd have been inclined to take the £10 back on the grounds that clearly any child who couldn't be bothered to utter a simple "Thank you", presumably didn't need the money. But then I am very intolerant of bad manners.

Tee2072 · 26/03/2012 16:54

My nearly 3 year old knows to say thank you, surely a 10 year old should!

Hoebag · 26/03/2012 16:59

I always say to my 2 year old 'what do we say?'

people do forget sometimes.

ariadne1 · 26/03/2012 17:03

I think you were being rude actually.I am amazed people think it is well mannered to pull someone up on forgetting a 'thankyou' especially in this instance when it really had nothing to do with you.

Alligatorpie · 26/03/2012 17:06

Yanbu.
I was pissed off at my friends 10 year old on after giving him 2 heavy books for Xmas ( I live overseas so weight is an issue) and despite prompting, didn't get a thank you. I will not buy him any more gifts.
10 is old enough to use manners automatically!