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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mum 'calling the police' on me!

55 replies

Mharhi · 26/03/2012 12:27

My mum keeps ringing me all the time to see 'if I'm alright'. It gets really drainins reassuring her all the time. Yesterday we were out for the day and it was difficult to call back, I just checked my messages and they start out being "I'm worried please ring" then start getting angry "Will you please ring I don't want to have to call the police". She has done this kind of thing in the past. It's a bit unnerving, i just wondered what actually would the police do?!

OP posts:
boredandrestless · 26/03/2012 12:30

I would perhaps call her bluff and let her do it! Then when you explain to the police they will no doubt have strong words with her. They would probably actually tell her you are not classed as a missing person yet anyway!

Have you actually told her not to do this?

Can you allocate her days for a quick chat so you have some boundaries in place?

OTheHugeManatee · 26/03/2012 12:30

Is there anything going on for you that could legitimately give your mother cause to worry? Or is it just neurotic anxiety? It's hard to know what to say without a bit of context.

piprabbit · 26/03/2012 12:32

Are you a child or vulnerable adult?
If not, the police will not do anything until you have been 'missing' for days rather than hours. There is no way you will be in trouble for not instantly responding to your mum's phone calls.
I'd be tempted to leave her to it and see what happens.

SoupDragon · 26/03/2012 12:32

Your mother clearly has anxiety issues - I doubt she is doing it just to piss you off.

Original poster
Mharhi · 26/03/2012 12:32

I was ill before Christmas but she's always been like this. It has been sorse though since then. Constantly ringing to see if I've eaten that day, that sort of thing. I'm trying to get on with life but she won't let up.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mharhi · 26/03/2012 12:32

Sorry -worse since then

OP posts:
nickschick · 26/03/2012 12:34

Different scenario but my nanna who lives miles away from me and claimed to be very lonely just wasnt answering her phone all afternoon and evening by almost 11pm i was very worried and phoned her local police station,told them of my concerns and luckily one of the pcs lived on the same street and nipped round .......to find my nanna and her old biddies in the garden talking non stop he said to her please ring your grand daughter shes been phoning all afternoon .........her reply? im an adult Smile im not on call.

Fuzzywuzzywozabear · 26/03/2012 12:38

Arf @ nickschick

OP it must be very wearing! YANBU

oiwheresthecoffee · 26/03/2012 12:40

Id just ignore her and call her later and explain im busy and dont have time to keep updating her. And repeat until she gets the message.

carabos · 26/03/2012 12:40

Let it play out and see what happens. If she calls the police, she calls the police. If they have the time and resources to investigate, then let them. Don't engage is what I'm saying.

nickschick · 26/03/2012 12:42

Can you not say to her that most times you are very busy but you will text or short call her at 10pm each evening and if theres a problem during the day you will phone her immediately,I think she must be really worried to behave like this.......youll always be her little girl you know Smile.

Ephiny · 26/03/2012 12:43

She clearly has anxiety problems, I don't think you should humour her or play along with it though.

Do you think she'd seriously call the police because her adult daughter has gone out for the day?

headfairy · 26/03/2012 12:44

It sounds to me like your mother has some anxiety issues and is transferring some of that to you. Is she normally a worrier?

When I was a university in Leeds my mum used to insist I called her as soon as I arrived back having driven from home after a weekend away... I almost always forgot and more than a few times I had the police at my door, they were not amused.

mummytime · 26/03/2012 13:10

Okay, two questions: how old is your mother? And has she seen a GP recently? You might want to force encourage her to see hers, and discuss her anxiety, and any other issues. It could be a sign of something else being wrong.

undercoverPrincess · 26/03/2012 13:13

My nan (God rest her soul) used to phone the police on us and say no-one had been to see her for days and she was abandoned when we had people with her all day and only ever left her at night :( They did used to phone us and tell us but no more.

undercoverPrincess · 26/03/2012 13:14

Also how old (approx) are you OP, if you are under 18 it's slightly different to if you are in your 20s / 30s / 40s with a family of your own.....

Mrsjay · 26/03/2012 13:14

your mum needs to see her dr for anxiety there is no way that the way she is behaving is within the norm , And what pressure for you. does she have a mobile I would maybe text her maybe daily a friendly text and dont answer the phone to her , I dont know what else really , I would be quite firm with her about it ,

OTheHugeManatee · 26/03/2012 13:17

If you're an adult and have nothing untoward going on in your life then your mother is projecting her own fears onto you. This isn't normal behaviour. I think you need to tackle this with her head-on: tell her it isn't normal and suggest she speak to her GP. Many GP surgeries have a counsellor attached and her GP may be able to refer her on.

Itsjustafleshwound · 26/03/2012 13:23

Can I just say that I am like your mum? Instead of negating her anxiety can you not come to some mutually agreeable action? You are not going to indulge her anxiety, but just find some way that will relieve it and to stop her wanting to call the police ...

Itsjustafleshwound · 26/03/2012 13:24

There is nothing rational about anxiety ....

doctordwt · 26/03/2012 13:25

Get tough.

'If you carry on harassing me, all you're doing is making me not want to call.'

Be firm. And DON'T call her back when you arrive home to a machine full of messages - leave it until the next day, call and say that when you saw how ridiculous and unreasonable she had been , you were too angry to speak to her.

And let her call the police!

Mrsjay · 26/03/2012 13:27

there isnt anything rational about anxiety i agree , I suffered in the past with severe anxiety people need to acknowlege it but not pander to it IMO , I agree maybe an action plan with your mum , But she does need some professional help with this , it isnt fair on you and your familiy .

piprabbit · 26/03/2012 13:28

BTW I'd be careful about getting into any routine where you have an agreed time for calling or texting. It won't relieve your DMs anxiety, but it will become a focus for increasing her anxiety when you forget to/are unable to call or call a little late.

Mrsjay · 26/03/2012 13:30

I never thought of it like that piprabbit you are right it would just increase the anxiety , perhaps mum is needing something to focus her time away from her daughter

LeQueen · 26/03/2012 13:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.