To think some people dramatise everything?

[HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer]

A woman I've come into contact with via the school seems to make everything into a drama. She has two girls; one is 5 and one is 2. Her mum comes round every single morning to look after the 2 year old as it's 'not possible' to do the school run (to a school a 2 minute walk away) with 2 children.

If her children have a cold, she says it's flu. If they are sick once, they have 'gastrointeritis'. She talks about her labours with both girls and said they were so traumatic and painful even though from what else she has said they just sound like normal labours. She said there was 'no time' for an epidural with her youngest DD yet she was in hospital for 12 hours in labour before having her. She volunteers all this information btw. The mum had back pain the other week, just a lower back pain from picking up her youngest but when she picked up her eldest from school that day she was saying how the doctor had told her to come into the surgery for a very urgent appointment. Everything is dramatic.

AIBU to think some people dramatise normal everyday things? Why the flip do people do this?

Does it really matter that she was honest about how she found her births?! How wonderful she can open up and discuss them. You seem to have a stiff upper lip approach to things. Are you quite a closed person, while she seems to be very open and willing to talk about how hard she is finding things. Do you find her hard to deal with because she is the polar opposite to you?

I love hearing other peoples birth stories by the way - good and bad. I also understand that some people find small things hard to cope with while others float through life easily.

I enjoy hearing other women's birth stories and I love 'open' people too.

But until you've really known a catastrophiser you really don't know how exhausting they are to deal with.

I have a colleague who creates chaos around her. If things don't go her way she tantrums, cries, shouts and upsets the whole office. Either that or she ignores someone to the point of bullying. Everything is a drama with her and the only way to deal with it is to ignore.

I know she must have MH issues but to be honest I can't cope with her so I don't have much to do with her.

I have a friend like this. Every time she goes to the GP the words 'very bad' or 'dangerous' or 'awful' are used. In my experience doctors are very very reluctant to ever use words such as that...I've never heard those words from a doctor even when it HAS been very serious. Every wee throat infection she or her kids have is always 'the worst the doctor has ever seen'

yanbu - these people are annoying

my friend is the opposite of the spectrum and things just seem to happen to him - whether it's first on the scene of a car crash, answering the door to a woman covered in blood who just killed her husband, getting stabbed in a random attack or bumping into celebrities it happens to him on a regular basis - he has so many "you won't believe what happened to me" stories

they probably only got attention from their mother for life or death situations

skybluepearl, your judgements about me and the type of person that I am are very wrong :)

And I agree with those of you that say catastrophisers are draining!

YANBU I have a couple of friend's like this, they just keep getting worse with age. There's one in particular who is just convinced that her (really quite straightforward) life is soooo much harder than anyone else's.

She says she's going to write a book about it & call it 'The mummy trials' :o I can't wait!

I'll stand up and say that I have an issue with being a catastrophiser. I didn't used to be very aware of it, but I have learned over the years that I have a tendency to dramatise things. As a child I was warned about the "crying wolf" and as an adult I've been labelled as a hypochondriac by friends.

It can be a personality trait, one that can be compounded by a difficult childhood. I was naturally anxious, almost recognisably from birth as I was a very difficult child born seven weeks early. This was not helped by the fact that I grew up in an alcoholic household, where there was occasional DV and lots of conflict. Being ill was a good calmer back then, and psychosomatic illness brought about by stress had a result that was quite tangible in the household.

I acknowledge that I am a draining person, mental illness has been a natural follow on to being anxious and always thinking and feeling the worst about every little change. I have been diagnosed with clinical depression, generalised anxiety disorder and health anxiety. Made worse by the fact that after my first pregnancy I discovered I had inflammatory joint disease and a small kidney with a tendency to stones and infections (was fine health-wise beforehand). I go on waaaay too much about health, it's almost a compulsion to research and understand and medicate and handle things. I worry a lot about the children now too.

I have few friends, and I accept that this will be the case, because it takes patience to deal with me in freak out mode. I honestly don't want attention in such a way as that I want everyone to look at me, and feel sorry for me, I sometimes don't even know why something becomes a drama. I've been in counselling to try to begin to deal with this as even I am fed up of victim mode and much prefer feeling independent, able and a survivor.

I guess what I am saying is that sometimes the dramatic people really do want to change, I've been frank with my friends and told them to be direct and honest with me, and tell me when I've started going off on one. I am learning to recognise triggers and signs myself and manage it much better. I still go on about health too much and have to learn a new way to relate to people other than to go on about our mutual health issues, but I am kicking the habit of a life time and the formation of my personality, so I definitely always appreciate a little understanding (and a push in the right direction).

Hopefully this adds something to the debate, and doesn't just look like a wall of text and look at meeeee.

Well you sound incredibly self-aware and that can only be a good thing in helping yourself to evercome this.

I agree that Catastrophisers probably have low self esteem and ishoos with parents etc. The Catastrophiser I know certainly does. She is also incredibly chippy and has a persecution complex and a bit of a victim mentality. It's like she's on red alert the whole time - it must be exhasuting being her. She's constantly over-analysing everything for signs of someone trying to do her down, and wrongly interprets the actions of others because she's expecting trouble, trauma or conflict at every turn. Of course is irritating for those who have to be around her all the time, and eventually it becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy.

She has just lost her job, and she is bewildered, and going over and over the --fobbing off- supposed external reasons she was given, when the real reason is as clear as the nose on her face, TO ME at least. I am not at all surprised TBH - I couldn't work with her.

I feel sorry for her and I wish I could just take her aside and tell her where she is going wrong, but it would NOT go well. People like that really don't want to hear that the problem might actually lie with them because it doesn't fit with their world view that everyone else is the enemy and that they are monumentally unlucky or unfairly treated.

I know someone like this. She is always in conflict with someone and constantly claims to be ill. If any of my children are ill she cross examines them about their symptoms and the next time you see her, guess what - she has those very symptoms! Last week she though she had cancer (it was piles!).

In fact, she is one of the healthiest people I know. Her behaviour is attention seeking. She was rejected by her mother (brought up by strict grandparents), rejected by her husband (who ran off with another woman and taking all their savings) and rejected by her son's father (who never paid a penny in maintenance). So perhaps it's not surprising.

Just try to be kind to people, not always easy I know but there is often a reason for them to behave as they do.

Wild My friend told her doctor she suspected she had bowel cancer as "I've got something that feels like an olive growing out of my bum". Was actually piles brought on by colonic irrigation. I don't know how these GPs keep a straight face.

HillyWallaby It definitely is a realisation you have to come to yourself.

I am terrible at taking criticism, really touchy, but it's only because I am a perfectionist out of necessity. You learn that if you don't behave in just a way that things are bad at home, all completely subconsciously of course, so it takes becoming self aware to accept it and be able to begin to change. Some people might never get there I think. I am nearly thirty and it's an ongoing process and has been since I had my first child at twenty-three.

Becoming a Catastrophiser took many years, so I don't expect that I'll get there the minute I realise my personality was faulty and self-destructive, but I am so glad I've realised early enough to hopefully not pass on negative traits like perfectionism, inability to take criticism, and always worrying about the worst to my children.

Unfortunately because people like me are so energy-sucking and difficult to other people, it does become self-fulfilling prophecy a lot of the time, which is like validating our state of mind and continuing the rigid negative thought pattern that makes us such. I don't ask that people sacrifice their own well being to support emotional black holes, but if you see a spark of self awareness, try to support it, rather than just be sceptical of our motives, because it can take the right few words at the right time to start the process of us questioning ourselves and beginning to take steps towards change. (did I mention I am an idealist too )

I have to keep a lifelong friend at arms length because of this stuff. She is a dramatist and out and out liar at times. Every time she's in a shop and something goes wrong, she tells me that the offending party was sacked, if I had a new friend she'd known them for years, that kinda thing.

When we properly hung out, every time she went to a party, she'd call me the next day to laugh about sprawling herself over the laps of her friends' partners and the "classic" look on her friends face.

She once called me from Subway to loudly discuss how her affair was going (She's been cheating on her partner for months).

She also told extraordinary lies about my DH (Nothing sexual.) to avoid getting in trouble with her Mum (She was 19).

Then he began using my life's low points a some kind of morbid party piece and actually wrote a play based on some of my writing from that time in my life.

I, of-course, told her to fuck off directly.

We never spoke for about 2 years and she ended up getting pregnant in that time to her new squeeze. She always said that she couldn't get pregnant because she was so ickle and cute

She added me on FB a year ago and I accepted because I'm a nosy cow but I've never so much as laid eyes on her in town. I don;t make any conversation with her unless she responds to me and I've rebuffed every attempt from her to arrange a meet up. She's a bit unhinged.

Then SHE began using my life's low points. As in friend, not DH. My 's' key is so sticky!

Hugadalek, that's good of you to post- as draining as it is to deal with catastrophisers it must be so much worse to have it going on in your head.

Does being aware of it help, or does it just give you something else to worry about?

My bil is like this.

Everything is a drama in which he is the woebegotten victim.
He has it far worse than anyone else and no-one understands just how very very hard it all is for him.

When he's ill, he's iller than anyone else has ever been. Obviously. Even if it's just a bit of what is going round, he has it worse than any of us.

When he works, he's far more exhausted than anyone else ever gets. This is because he is the only person who has ever had a job....well ok, other people have jobs too, but their jobs are easy compared to his job, which is much harder than everybody else's. Anyone who says any different is a bastard and just doesn't understand.

When he is expected to get his finger out and behave like an adult, he has been treated far worse than anyone else has ever been treated and none of us have any idea what it's like to be such a poor wee lamb. It's not his fault after all...life has dealt him a very tough hand and he has it harder than all of us. This is something we must remember at all times, and any allusions anyone makes that life can be hard for all of us, has him apopleptic with fury. Because we don't understand.

The lazy self indulgent twat has lived with mil and her dh rent free, bill free, and responsibility free for 10 years.
They have finally decided he needs to move on and get his own place, as he has been mollycoddled enough now. He has not contributed a penny or an hour of his time in that decade. If he is not at work, he is too exhausted to lend a hand with anything, and prefers to lie in bed 'recovering' from having to go to work.

Bil is now furious at his 'maltreatment' and is badmouthing his mum and her dh left, right and centre to anyone who will listen. He has been bullied, ignored and tossed out on his arse according to him.
His mother has bought him a nice flat to move into.
He is 40.

He has been treated very nicely and cared for very well by his mum and her dh, but bil cannot accept this and quietly go about getting the fuck out of their hair. He has to make a scene and cry DRAMA!

He has always been this way. I have no idea what is wrong with him.

Knowing is a good thing if you are also wanting to change. I tire myself out with it, nevermind my family and friends. I didn't know that the biggest cause of the drama in my life was actually me and the way I thought until I started CBT and had a fair few lightbulb moments. I just thought I was tragically unlucky in life. Now I can have the same shite happen and not have nearly the same impact.

It's a slow process though, I had another breakdown in January because I forgot some of the basics and let life get too catastrophic again. But my bounce back ability is getting really quick and I'm totally back to normal again and out of the woe is me funk only two months later, it took me two years the first time, an unexpected pregnancy and the death of two family members for me to realise it's not all about me.

I get really frustrated sometime. Hear myself talking from the little sensible place in my head and think Shut Up Now Dalek! Step by step I'm getting there, I may be a drama queen but I'm also a proud mum who does the best she can by her children, and I will do anything for my friends because I appreciate the understanding and patience it takes to deal with this sort of selfish mental illness.

Well you sound very sorted to me.

My catastrophiser neighbour 'friend' has just been to visit me for half an hour. i have been avoiding her for a couple of weeks and I felt guilty so I invited her in for a bit, trying to be nice and give her the benefit of the doubt.

But she did it again. She in pathologically incapable of having a conversation where she doesn't start ranting about something or other.

'catastrophiser'

Great, it's got its own proper label now

That means someone at some point will accuse us of being catastrophists

Haha, yes, I do this.

I have quite an imagination.

On MN I am very subdued though, for some reason.

But I like to exagerate a good story. My dad does the same, DS 1 started doing it too. Is it genetic? It is mainly for the amusement of others, I think.

It's not a new label, it's a recognisable trait studied by psychologists.

psychcentral.com/lib/2007/what-is-catastrophizing/

HugADalek you do sound very self-aware and that will probably mean that, despite your problems, you will consider other people's feelings.

The worst catastrophiser I know has not a jot of self-awareness and scatters upset & chaos all around her with no thought of how she might be affecting other people.