to ask this woman what her problem is with me?

[lottielou39]

I try not to give a shit about school run politics and all that, but when something's in your face and blindingly obvious, you can't easily ignore.
Theres a woman at school. She's always been lovely, friendly, chatty. Over the past year or so, she's gradually gone from chatting to absolutely nothing. Zero. Walks past me without looking, etc, removed from the dreaded Facebook.. I have gone over what I could have possibly done to offend her. I did wonder if I was being paranoid but a couple of weeks ago was chatting to a mutual friend in the playground, who caught the eye of this woman who was standing across the playground. My friend gestured smilingly at this woman to come over, and this friend just shook her head and stayed where she was. My gut feeling was obviously that she wanted to talk to her, but not when she was standing with me. She goes swimming and socialises with this woman, so there's no reason why she wouldn't come over, except the presence of moi. Childish I know, but there it is.
I've become increasingly curious as to what crime I've committed and am half tempted to phone her and ask if I've upset her in some way.
But dh thinks I should just ignore it and smile at her, pretend that nothings happened.
What should I do, and WIBU to ask her WTF I've supposedly done?

Good point cornflowers. Yes, I wouldn't approach a parent if my child had been having difficulties with another child at school.

From the OP's POV though, if I suspected it was a child thing and no-one had told me what was going on, I would not want another parent to think that I had condoned any bad behaviour.

it might be a child thing, but I doubt it. Our daughters have always got on and dd was saying that she'd been playing with her dd Friday lunchtime.
It won't matter from September when I just chuck em out of the car and drive off. At the moment I have to do the 'standing around in the playground' thing and the school run really can ruin my whole day if it's full of negativity and passive aggression. I need to grow a thicker skin and learn to be less sensitive, I know.

But she's not really doing anything horrid is she? Maybe she has a reason to dislike you, doesn't want you to see her facebook stuff, and is just not bothering to keeep up a fake niceness? If she was bitching about you or trying to stop anyone else talking to you she would be a cow. But she isn't a cow (as others have suggested) for not liking you.
Can you tell that I am the other woman here

Oh Lottie, it's horrid when the school run makes you feel like that. Hugs to you. I have had similar problems recently from a mum who has stopped talking to me, although I know its because our daughters had a falling out. I'm not overly bothered as I have plenty of other friends and acquaintances to talk with/stand with but it's still not nice to know the negativity is 'there' is it? You know you've done nothing wrong so just hold your head up.

If you were friends then why not actually approach her and say "look, its obvious something is wrong, but I have no idea what it is?"

that's the thing, I've given her NO reason to dislike me, from what I can tell.
Bollocks to the school run. I actually enjoyed it with my eldest daughter, but the last couple of years have been grim. Roll on September.

I do feel that some people are just attention seekers and invent things in their head that others have done to upset them (is the phrase professionally offended on here?). It really is best to leave this kind of person to it. One day soon someone else will 'offend' her and she will stop talking to them to, then someone else, then someone else.

If a person has "a reason" to dislike someone, then isn't it kinder to tell them, rather than suddenly blank them and they don't know what they're supposed to have done wrong? This can be very hurtful. The "reason" may be gossip she has heard, or a misunderstanding which could easily be sorted out if only she'd spoken to the OP.

Well, if it isn't related to your dcs, I tend to agree with grumpy. Someone said to me once that "other people's opinions of us are none of our business." I think it's a fair point. Perhaps you've just irritated her for some reason? Presumably there are people around that you don't particularly like? We don't have to like everyone. As long as she isn't spreading rumours or turning other people against you I would let it go.

Ask her if it bothers you but if not ignore her back!

I have been ignoring a few school run mums for some months now. Some might think it's childish but I dont. They are nasty gossips and I know for a fact they'd gossiped about me.

I am not interested in being their friends so dont feel I need to keep us a pretence by smiling or saying hello anymore. Lifes too short for that. They are not worth it.

I'm with cornflowers (unsurprisingly) . I feel that I would owe my real friends an explanation (and not by text or facebook!) Of any irritants, but someone I no longer wanted to chat to or smile at on the school run? I have a life! I don't care enough! Sorry. I know. That's probb really hard if you need to know the reasons why, but there wasn't much to go on really.

Btw if one of them asked me, I would think them a a loon! Don't ask her: as long as its justs her (ie not a mass turning against you) just write it off.

the gossip thing would not surprise me. I've overheard lots of spiteful bile in the playground; it's one of the reasons I arrive on the bell these days. I always assume that if people gossip about others (who they also smile and chat with at other times) then they're probably also gossiping about me. More common sense than paranoia, I feel!

I don't know why anyone wants to know if someone has a problem with them. I might ask if I've done something wrong. But if I haven't, I don't care. If someone doesn't want to talk to me, it's a free country, they don't have to.

Having had a very bizarre experience not unlike yours, OP (not school run related though) I was reminded that some people never develop beyond the playground themselves. Regardless of their age. They divide the world into "friends and enemies" and the decision to switch you from one category to another is rarely based on any specific incident.

You'll find that you are not alone in being treated like this but certainly, you'll rarely get a sensible answer to the sensible question "Is there a reason why you are no longer speaking to me?" Instead, responses will range from complete denial to a tissue of untruths and wholly made-up excuses. Which is why I think that ignoring them is, in the long run, better for you.

Unless of course you are the person who befriended my friend, single white femaled her husband, slept with him and are now wondering why none of 'us' are speaking to you. Go on ask me, I dare you!

But you probably arent, because this person is so un self aware it is just scary.

Why do you have to stick around at the school gates? You say 'roll on September' so I assume your DD is in yr 6?
No need to even be there - just dump at a safe distance and run like I've done for the past two years.

Had children at several schools now, over a period of 12 years, and have come across this or something similar every time. I appreciate it's best to just Not Care about this sort of childish behaviour, and I'm working on my thick skin - truly I am - but I just find it much easier to avoid it altogether in the main.

DoubleGlazing
No. Not that at all. She didn't glance and look away one day and then act more smiley the next.
She looked at me with a mixture of fascination and dislike every time i saw her for TWO YEARS. Then suddenly gets uber friendly.

My guess is that someone said "you know that mum in year 2 - she is shagging x's husband and takes drugs all the time" and shit coat woman thought they meant me

I think it is a big sad that some people say their school gate is a pit of nastiness and cliques. I have never had that at any if the schools my dc go to.

It is why the odd snubbing intrigues me. I always assume from real life and from here that most people just want their dc to go to school and to either find the odd friend, or be on nodding aquaintence or at least polite disinterest with other parents.
I always wonder who can actually make up these hoards of gossiping, sneering women. Certainly no one on mn ever does it.

I am with pagwatch I moved DD school last September, didnt know a soul - so didnt know any gossip or which kids were the naughty/nice ones.

I chat to whoever chats to me, smile and say hi and now I know a few people, have been invited to a few things. IF I am free I go, if not then dont.

I have plenty of friends, being polite to people doesnt kill me twice a day.

I am not part of the school run cliques. These tend to be the sahms, pushing prams slowly back, chatting and making friends. They do coffee together and are polite to me but not 'my friends'. I imagine in that case it would be hurtful to suddenly be cold shouldered with no understanding of why. Anything else, who cares? Really, I got fed up with person's constant whinging about her ex (out loud, facebook etc) and stopped starting chats or inviting conversations. Maybe she wonders why, but its nothing more than me not being that interested in someone I barely knew sharing negative stuff all the time. And no, she had proper friends etc - some ppl like a moan and I don't like listening. Simple.

Yes, it's not all "cliques". It is sometimes friendships that go sour and reveal themselves to maybe be not all that deep. But friendships that are important, all the same, especially for SAHMs

Yes absolutely - wasn't trying to suggest otherwise. For some of them, that is where they make friends.

no- i know you weren't

In my experience it's not always the SAHM's.

A lot of the part-timers are also part of cliques who are known to bitch at the school gates. What is their excuse?.