To put dd on a diet?

[ThreeLittlePandas]

My dd is 13 years old. She has always been tall for her age but slim with it. However the last few years she has put on weight and it's getting to the point where I really need to do something but without mentioning the word 'diet'.

She actually has a healthy diet but it's the sheer amount that she eats. Typical school day is as follows.

Breakfast: cornflakes or shreddies or 2 rounds of whole meal toast with sunflower spread. Cup of tea with skimmed milk and 1 sugar

Snack at school 1 bagel

Lunch: tuna/ egg/ ham on brown role. I youghurt. 2 pieces of fruit, carton fresh orange.

Dinner: home made pasta dish or vegetable curry or sausage and mash or vegetable omelette.

Saturday's we have pizza and Sunday we have a roast with all the trimming

Drinks are water, skimmed milk, occasional glass of squash.

Snacks: she is allowed fruit, a carrot, or a rice cake.

I've highlighted what I think the problem areas are but how do I swap these with her knowing I'm trying to get her to lose weight?

Or should I just carry on as normal?

Just to be clear is no way Im going to tell dd she needs to diet. I don't want to do anything to wreck her confidence.

At 13 I can almost guarantee she'll be buying things from the shop on the way/back from school.

Has she said anything to you about being uncomfortable with her size? What clothes size is she wearing?

Is this a joke?
Firstly you cannot swap things without her knowing, you are underestimating her intelligence.
Secondly, is she overweight because her diet seems really good and balanced.
If she is overweight she is eating more than you have just written down and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it.

Maybe you just need to reduce portion sizes a bit rather than swapping particular foods. Just put less on her plate at dinner?

At 13 though are you sure you know what she's eating when she's at school, out with friends etc? i.e. she might be having snacks other than those she's 'allowed'?

And is she actually overweight, it's not just her developing a more 'womanly' figure rather than a little-girl one? Girls do seem to develop earlier these days!

She is in a ladies size 14.

I don't doubt she buys stuff when shes at school or with her friends.

What do I do? I can't sit back and watch her become huge.

I should have said, she is 5ft 7

And of course I know I can't swap things without her knowing but I thought I could buy healthier alternatives ie tying vegetarian sausages and having jackets instead of mash.

Looks v carb heavy to me.

Can you give her something more filling for breakfast ? Scrambled eggs on wholemeal toast will likely keep her going until lunchtime, but may well have less calories than a big bowl of cereal.

argh, posted too soon.

The amount doesn't look like much at all to me. Do you think she's not actually getting enough food and is snacking on rubbish at school like sausage rolls/sweets etc?

Does she do much exercise?

You can't really stop her from buying crap on the way to school (I know, my DS is 13).

But could she be encouraged to move more?

She might just be going through a puppy fat phase before growing an extra inch or two for it all to stretch out. That happened to me around the age of 13, I was quite plump, but by the time I was 15 I had finished growing upwards and the chubber had rearranged itself into the correct boobs and hips arrangement.

You can't "put" someone of that age on a diet and since she is not massively fat, you risk giving her ishoos about food and her body - 13 is quite a delicate age for that sort of thing. The diet you describe is not unhealthy.

Roasts really aren't that bad you know. Perhaps substitute roasties for new potatoes? The bagel does sound like quite a substantial "snack". What body shape is the rest of the family?

You may find OP that she's going to have another growth spurt as she's only 13 and will change drastically over the next year. Also 5ft 7 and a size 14 sounds fine to me.

I'd stop worrying as boy interests will start occurring soon along with peer pressure to be a certain size. She'll probably be the one starting her own diet by next year!

What you have put here looks incredibly healthy and not a huge amount at all. My only suggestion would be to increase activity as a family, or see if she's up for increasing her exercise in some way that she chooses. Does she do much?

I have a 14 year old dd with similar issues, and with her, it's always been appetite, she eats large portions and has done since a little girl. I just try to get her to walk the dog and try to only have healthy stuff in the house. To be honest my eybrows raised when you said "I allow her " re the snacks. A thirteen year old is going to definitely baulk at being "allowed" a narrow range of snacks. She has to be free to make her own food choices at home.

Please don't put your daughter on a 'diet' at 13, my mum put me on Slimming World when I was 12 queue a lifetime of learning how to diet but not how to listen to my body and maintain a healthy weight.

Your daughter is about to hit maximum peer pressure stage and the chances are she will really start to care about her size and will probably want to do something about it herself.

Her meals seem very balanced and if he portions are too big then put less on her plate (and yours). Maybe talk to her about snack foods, but in the round not as a specific subject of discussion.

finding a way to increase the amount of exercise will do a lot more for her health than a change in diet, and achieve the same aim.

Its hard, isn't it - as a mother you're damned if you do and damned if you don't! I've the same sort of thing with my 13 year old DD except that she's short (only 145 cm at the mo) so she's not into even petite adult clothes by and large, and a lot of kids clothes don't accommodate plumpness and a developing chest. She's certainly due a growth spurt but frankly, her midriff is fat not bone and muscle and you'd need to be an alchemist to convert one into t'others.

The 'moving around more' is a bit of a tough nut to crack - we always do something active at the weekend together, but on a schoolnight when she gets home not far short of 5, tired and with homework to do, she's not really up for much. Maybe with the clocks about to go forwards that'll help... any suggestions of activities your young teens really like to do on a schoolnight evening?

My dad bought a sweet shop when I was twelve

Get some common sense and good eating habit into her now! I went from active and skinny to fat, not confident and miserable

That is a healthy diet. It looks pretty much treat free,I would assume she is buying other snacks. Why do you doubt she is buying things at school or when with friends? Most teenagers would wouldn't they?
Being a size 14 could be from a little bit of puppy fat or just being a sturdy athletic build.
You can't swap the food & drinks at home without her realising. That will make her feel pretty rubbish I think.

If she's got a good appetite I'd change the breakfast choices to include more protein. I'd be starving and well able to eat a whole bagel mid-morning with just a bowl of shreddies for breakfast.

A slice of whole wheat toast with marmite and a boiled/poached egg or a couple of fried eggs are good for breakfast (you can fry in frylight if you're really concerned about a little bit of oil)

Rice cakes IMO are not good snacks as they are not filling at all. What about a handful of mixed nuts, or a reduced fat babybel or a plain yoghurt? A chunk of celery with a spoon of sugar free peanut butter?

5' 7" and size 14 doesn't sound very overweight to me - she may not be overweight at all. She is probably still growing in height, too.

This does trigger my 'issues', as when I reached puberty my mother concluded I was fat and was constantly monitoring my food intake, banning biscuits, making me take diet pill herbal remedies and telling me I was fat. As a consequence I have always felt fat although when I look at photos of myself from that time I was not fat, just becoming a woman - and feeling ugly and fat because of it :(

I am not suggesting you are anything at all like my mother was, but you do sound slightly over-anxious about it. What does your daughter think of her shape and weight? Does she mention it?

13 is a difficult age. If her peers are all size 10-12 she will definitely feel fat, even though she isn't in real terms. My guess is that your DD has always been tall for her age but now at 5ft7 she has maybe stopped growing upwards? or slowed down? Then her body is laying down fat instead of growing upwards.
My daughters are 13 and my battle is to get them to eat at all!
Breakfast is a real headache.They would run off without anything inside them if I didn't lay the law down. I give them Complan, that way they are getting some vitamins etc.
Perhaps it is easier to get her to join a gym, keep fit class or just go to the baths? Maybe do karate or some high energy sport once a week?

The only thing that sounds problematic in the list you posted is the snack bagel. That is a pretty calorific and carb heavy snack. But the list doesn't indicate portion sizes, so that is where the problem could lie. Or perhaps she is buying snacks herself. Either that, or she simply isn't active enough. Does she do any sport?

In contrast to other posters, I do think a size 14 at 5'7 and age 13 sounds big (and I say that as someone who hit 5'7 at age 14 myself).

Please don't put her on a diet. She doesn't sound overweight at all.

13 is too young, IMO, to be thinking of herself as 'overweight'. She is probably due a growth spurt and has a lot of growing to do in the next few years. Children go thought many shapes and sizes as they grow, and 13 is a major point of change for girls - puberty etc makes huge changes to her body.

If you do anything at all make it to encourage activity - either something she would like to do herself or general activity as a family.

Tell her she is beautiful, as she no doubt is. Give her a huge hug and go for a walk together. Enjoy her and let her enjoy her childhood without these hang-ups.

Btw, a more substantial breakfast may help a mid-morning slump and her picking up a bagel. Bacon and eggs/omlette/mushrooms on toast etc will all give a longer sensation of fullness.

This is not a bad diet. At this age, I was eating two round of toast for breakfast AND cereal, chocolate bars and crisps for lunch (bought with dinner money) and a full dinner. I would also eat cake/biscuits, mainly home-made.

I was a skinny minnie and this was just my build. My thoughts are that your daughter may just be a chunkier built, some people are, or certainly go through stages of puppy fat around this age before slimming as they get older.

Equally, if you really think she is fat rather than curvy and chunky build, perhaps she is fed up with eating carrots as a snack and is eating junk food elsewhere. I really find it hard to believe if she eats carrots and fruit as a snack, and three sensible meals a day, she is heading for a life of obesity.

I've been through a very similar thing with myself and DD1. It seems in our family at 13/14 you gain a lot of weight and stay that way despite no change in diet or exercise. My mum had a v controlled diet by her mother so didn't do that with me and of corse I got fat. It was the most miserable experience of my life so I do think you are right to take action.

I think I would talk to her about it, this is what I have done with DD1. Don't mention she is overweight as she may not be or may not be conscious of it and you don't want to give her a complex. I talked to DD about her new body shape as with all the other things you have to talk about at that ages like shaving legs or dealing with spots.

I imagine she's going to be wanting to be slim anyway so might find it interesting to know some facts about eating well. DD for example was drinking loads of orange juice at school as she believed with it being fruit to be healthy, in fact I worked out she was drinking over 800 calories worth! Also we talked about filling up on vegetables rather than carbs and we found some low calorie treats at the supermarket. There is a lot of incorrect info about eating and maybe just educating your DD will help.

Also we have found swimming and fitness dvds to be ways of exercising DD enjoys. If i were you I would address portion sizes at home, find out what she eats outside of the house and try to guide her to make more informed decisions. Just keep an eye on her weight, if she continues to gain then you can become stricter but for now I'd say the softly softly approach.

i think there is a lot of bread in there.

what about porridge for breakfast and then swap the bagel snack for something else and for lunch you could maybe give her a wrap instead of a roll.

her diet sounds pretty good to me so seems odd that she has piled on the pounds just from eating that, i would say that she is either eating other things you don't know about or there is some underlying reason for this.