To put dd on a diet?

[ThreeLittlePandas]

My dd is 13 years old. She has always been tall for her age but slim with it. However the last few years she has put on weight and it's getting to the point where I really need to do something but without mentioning the word 'diet'.

She actually has a healthy diet but it's the sheer amount that she eats. Typical school day is as follows.

Breakfast: cornflakes or shreddies or 2 rounds of whole meal toast with sunflower spread. Cup of tea with skimmed milk and 1 sugar

Snack at school 1 bagel

Lunch: tuna/ egg/ ham on brown role. I youghurt. 2 pieces of fruit, carton fresh orange.

Dinner: home made pasta dish or vegetable curry or sausage and mash or vegetable omelette.

Saturday's we have pizza and Sunday we have a roast with all the trimming

Drinks are water, skimmed milk, occasional glass of squash.

Snacks: she is allowed fruit, a carrot, or a rice cake.

I've highlighted what I think the problem areas are but how do I swap these with her knowing I'm trying to get her to lose weight?

Or should I just carry on as normal?

Just to be clear is no way Im going to tell dd she needs to diet. I don't want to do anything to wreck her confidence.

Erm...

1 bagel, sausage and mash, pizza or roast with all the trimming?

And these are 'problem areas'

You are clueless if you think that! There is NOTHING wrong with those. Especially if she is eating all the other stuff on your list regularly. Suggesting to a 13 year old there is, is going to cause more problems than its going to solve long term.

You said the amount she eats is the problem. Well look at portion sizes then, if there really is a problem, which I'm suspecting there isn't. Not what her diet is.

Question: How tall are you OP and do you have problems with your own weight? Do you regularly diet?

No way should you put her on a diet.....sneakily tweaking would be better, ie buying / using smaller plates, putting more veg than carbs on the plate etc.

Her diet sounds pretty good to me......and don't force veggie sausages down her neck, they're orrid. Morrisons sell skinny lizzies, they're very good, free range piggies, low fat sausages. Only £1.99 for 6 too.

That's way less than my curvy size 12 takes very little exercise 14 year old DD eats and much healthier. I know DD set ones to bacon buttes at school and we have icecream for pudding sometimes add odd visits to the sweet shop.
Tea here is often beef or lamb mince and proper chips ( fried in a frier) occur every fortnight as does mac Domalds or Chineese takeaway.

Either like my MDum and DSIS your DD is unlucky enough to put on weight very easily. Or more likely she's buying something else at school.

I don't think that- say a 37 year old woman who is 5'7" and a size 14 is fat. But I do have to agree with you OP that a 13 year old with those statistics is probably a little more chunky than she would like. You don't say if your DD is happy with her weight or not.

I think her diet as you describe it is fine. I also suspect she might well be sneaking sweets etc on the side because I cannot see how a growing human being could put on weight with the food on your list. Do you keep biscuits and cakes at home that she could be helping herself to? If so, I would stop buying them.

I know you don't want to say anything to your DD but I was about the same size as your DD when I was her age and TBH I hated it. I think you should sit down with your DD and talk about the weight gain and hopefully together you could find out the cause. I would have loved it if my mum had taken an interest in helping me with my weight problem when I was a teenager. Have you considered exercise together as a family or taking your DD to an exercise class/jogging in the evenings etc.

Set ones = gives in to

You sound like my mother when I was that age!

I was 5ft 8 at 13 and a size 12/14 top/bottom respectively. My Mum told me that I was putting on weight, and I needed to start moving around more. I did as well. I started running 4x a week, and did a paper round every day. I lost not 1lb. I toned up, but my shape never changed from the proportions I've mentioned above.

My body has since been through 11 years and childbirth, and my proportions are still exactly the same. I eat normally, but I could do with toning up a bit. I will go to the gym 3/4x a week, and I won't need to buy new clothes because my basic shape will not change. Just one of those weird things.

It took me 10 years to realise that a 12/14 isn't fat. I really wouldn't go into food with her. If it was my daughter, I'd look into the moving more side of things, not to lose weight, to keep her heart healthy in the long term. How about horse riding? That burns calories like nobodies business. Yoga? Pilates? Zumba? Ask her to go with you on the premise of keeping you company because you're feeling a bit shy.

does she have any exercise at all?

I dont think there is any harm in telling an overweight teen that they need to cut down on the amount they eat.

Rather that, than end up obese in a couple of years and feeling very upset about it.

FWIW, a 5'7" 13 year old girl is within normal bmi if she is between 7 stone and 10stone 4. (This is according to a teen bmi calculator).

Thats a pretty big range.

5ft 7 and size 14 is not overweight.

I don't think there is anything wrong with trying to keep your dd a healthy size and weight - it's kinder in the long run. But I think you may be projecting here. As she simply can't be more than a couple of pounds over her BMI at this height.

Do you have weight issues?

See I was 5ft 8 at 13/14 and 11 stone. I ran 4x a week though, and didn't gain another ounce until I was 21. Just sayin...

I became a size 12/14 when I was this age and it didn't change, neither did my height, until I did start to get a bit podgey around 25 or so.

Don't worry too much :)

"If she continues to gain then you can become stricter"--way to give your dd life long issues with food....

• some people are not meant to be and never will be a size 8!!!!!

Forgot to say-YABVVVVVU!!!

Perhaps have a few more veg to replace some of the fruit which will reduce the amount of sugar. What about porridge for breakfast, it fills you up for ages?

I am almost 5'8", broad shouldered & hipped, and I would be quite fat in a modern size 14.

I would be looking at portion sizes, just reducing them marginally, and trying to bulk up tea meal with a bit more veg/bit less obvious fatty foods. Have had similar with DS (now 7 & reasonably trim).

Snack foods tend to be terrible for teeth so could ask her about snack foods with regard to dental risk, try to assess that way if it's likely to be a lot.

Is she actually even overweight? There is no way you should put a growing child on a diet without getting proper medical advice (i.e. not just 'oh she looks a bit fat to me'- lots of people who look a bit fat are normal weight).

PLEASE don't put your daughter on a diet, it will mess with her head big time. I was on the receiving end of this when I was a young teenager and I came to believe that my parents would have preferred me thin, which I was never going to be. I have struggled with weight, food and body issues ever since. My guess is she's buying sweets etc as there doesn't seem to be a lot wrong with what you say she's eating at home. If she's buying junk I would ask you what hole she is trying to fill?

Hi

I cannot comment as a bio parent but I have seen this with my DSD.
She is 14 now and tall for her age. She is probably a 14/16 in size. I am seeing it with my best friend's son who is 12 and short for his age but weighs 11.5 stones - he is fat, no two ways about it.

In the case of my DSD her mother is a size 8 and an execrise freak - who drinks protein shakes and visits the gym five times a week doing double spinning classes. We struggle with this as co parents of all of my DH's kids. It appears that, despite the VERY healthy and low fat meals she is getting at least five days a week with her mum, she is putting on weight. Sorry to say but we found out that she was snacking at school (buying chips as well as having sandwiches) and using her pocket money to buy crap on the way home from school. I suspect to rebel against the "regime" at home.

In the case of my best friend's son, he kept "losing" his pocket money. She was at a loss about this- she was certain that he wasnt being bullied. It was only when she made some discreet enquiries that she found out, like my DSD, he was filling up at school on two or more portions of chips in the canteen as well as his packed lunch. She has had to tackle the school about it. I suspect that he is eating secretly as well as when they came to stay two easter eggs mysteriously disappeared from the room he was sleeping in.

From what you have said about the diet- for a growing girl there appears to be nothing wrong with it per say.. and I am inclined to think that she may be a secret snacker.

However I would leave it for now. What has been suggested is sensible. I would not stigmatise her with a "diet", she may well rebel. Some more exercise, get rid of the sausages to be honest, wait for the growth spurt to kick in and for her perhaps to become a little more self aware.

5' 7" and a size 14 might not be overweight for a fully grown woman, but it is for a 13 year old!

It would be more useful to know her weight.

I am 5' 7" and weight almost 11 stone and am only a size 12.

Ps I was five foot nine at 13 and an athletic build with size 8 feet (god I hated that). My parents were proud of their amazonian blonde daughter to be honest- sign of good Viking heritage!!

I weighed 11st 2 lbs. Formally, I was "obese". I played county netball and swam a mile a week.

I had a 27 inch waist and would be a size 10 in today's flattering sizes. I look back at my photos and I am really skinny.

I am still the same..my friends think I am a size 10 as I look slim in clothes and am tall with even proportions. I now have a 30 inch waist due to discovery of wine and cider.

I weigh 12.5 stones....Obese officially, all my life. What utter bollocks.

I think sometimes you should look at the whole package of your daughter, not just a number "14" or whatever.

In any case, although you are obviously responsible for teaching her to eat sensibly and providing a healthy diet at home, you don't own her body and you can't expect to control every morsel she puts in her mouth.

I remember when I was going through puberty and changing shape my mum projected her body ishoos onto me and it was not healthy. I imagine as a young woman she had done a fair bit of unhealthy dieting and was obsessed with being slim. Once she was getting menopausal and getting the middle age spread her own weight was possibly a lost cause and she was too bothered about mine.

If you are providing a healthy diet at home and setting a good example with regards to your lifestyle and exercise then the rest is up to her.

Dress sizes mean very little (especially if you've a 13 year old still the height for age 11-12 kids). Weight isn't the be all and end all if you've got an Amazon with lots of muscle (and adult bmis probably aren't applicable to young teens anyhow). And mothers perceptions may be wrong if they're projecting some dysmorphia of there own.

But honestly, most mothers can tell if their kid is overweight or not. They can tell if there is fat where its unhealthy, round the midriff. OP, if your DD has a slim waist, quit worrying. If (like mine) she's got a spare tyre - well I'm darned if I know what we're supposed to do (other than the normal heathy eating and exercise we try do anyway).

taxiforme, if you are 5'9" and weigh 12.5 stone you are not obese. Your BMI is just over 25, compared to an obese BMI of 30+.

Is she having anything on the bagel? On its own it's 255 calories - that's a lot for a snack, especially if she has butter or whatever on it.

What does she DO?

I think the food sounds ok, but does she do much activity?