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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to find it creepy as all hell

37 replies

Aribura · 21/03/2012 21:02

when people claim their young child "flirts" with others (particularly when the claim is that they only do it to the opposite sex), that they will be a "heartbreaker" and that they "loves the ladies"? And then justify this by claiming it's reasonable because "he was batting his eyelashes!11!!One!" so that must mean they were flirting.

Batting eyelashes to attract attention is not a natural impulse. It's cultural (some cultures, it's obscene to use so much eye contact etc) and therefore it has to be acquired by being exposed to it. Which makes me think that either a) the child has been exposed to seeing adult flirting a lot or b) the parent is projecting something that isn't there.

Anyway, I don't really care if IABU to those who creepily think their child is flirting with people, I just had to have a rant.

OP posts:
Thankgodforcaffeine · 21/03/2012 21:05

My very first Biscuit

Original poster
Aribura · 21/03/2012 21:06

You flirting with me?

OP posts:
Annpan88 · 21/03/2012 21:06

My mum says that about 1 year old DS. Think it means different things to different people. When he smiles and coos at people.

I guess I don't find it creepy as I know my mum doesn't think my baby is trying to lure other infants into cot bed with him

Kayano · 21/03/2012 21:08

My baby loves the lady's but she likes squishy things to lay her head on...

Actually I think that's why she like DH too WinkGrin

thegingerwhinger · 21/03/2012 21:08

My bil once called his then one year old daughter a 'sexy little lady' once. I was Shock. Then mil called her it in a sing-song voice. I didn't understand it then and I don't understand it now.

Yanbu.

Original poster
Aribura · 21/03/2012 21:09

Before anyone tells me off because there's nothing dodgy about saying a baby is flirting, I want you to imagine an AIBU saying "an old man said my 4 year old DD was flirting with him" and imagine the responses.

OP posts:
thegingerwhinger · 21/03/2012 21:10

I think Annpan's right - things mean different things to different people.

Ismeyes · 21/03/2012 21:16

I think it means different things too. I certainly wouldn't describe any child as sexy, but in my extended family it is quite common to refer to a child as 'flirting' which means being charming or being extra good. Its really hard to explain I suppose, but it doesn't mean sexually, its just a reference to wrapping someone around your little finger through charm I suppose.

CrystalMaize · 21/03/2012 21:29

Pfffft. Utter rot.

thegingerwhinger · 21/03/2012 21:54

I want you to imagine an AIBU saying "an old man said my 4 year old DD was flirting with him" and imagine the responses

I don't understand why we have to picture and old man saying it to a young girl in order to illustrate whether it's creepy or not. Either it's inappropriate to use those phrases or it isn't, regardless of the age or gender of the person saying it. So for that example, yabu.

I wouldn't personally say that a child is flirting or describe them as sexy, but I don't believe it's ever said with menace.

Hoebag · 21/03/2012 22:10

its an old fashioned saying I wouldnt get overly upset.

YouOldSlag · 21/03/2012 22:28

YABU.

MY DS (age 2) charms old ladies like you wouldn't believe. In this context I wouldn't object to anyone saying things like "he likes the ladies", or "he'll be a heartbreaker".

It means they are charmed by him and are calling him handsome. None of which I mind. It is innocent well meant small talk.

However, I have had people refer to him as "sexy" and it left me cold. Yuk.

skybluepearl · 21/03/2012 22:52

its more inocent then you think - it just means the child is charming and gets on well with people. has a connection

sexy on the other hand is inappropriate.

whackamole · 21/03/2012 22:55

I agree with skybluepearl and think that it means the child is charming.

If an old man said my baby was flirting with him, it would not bother me at all unless it was accompanied by lascivious licking of lips and rubbing of thighs.

HalfPastWine · 22/03/2012 00:16

....unless it was accompanied by lascivious licking of lips and rubbing of thighs. Grin Grin

That has just conjured up an image of Benny Hill !

Starwisher · 22/03/2012 00:47

Lol @ whackamole

startail · 22/03/2012 01:50

I don't think any one has ever used the phrase flirting to describe DD2s talent for wrapping people rounder her little finger.
I don't think I'd be particularly shocked if they had.

(she's 11, so she might be a bit shocked if anyone said it now because, I think, she'd think of it in the less innocent sense).

CaoNiMa · 22/03/2012 05:13

This sort of thing has always made me uncomfortable. I think it's because it places a very adult set of values and behaviours on a baby or child, and this strikes me as inappropriate.

Plus, it's horribly cringeworthy and indulgent.

TandB · 22/03/2012 07:43

YABU

People say this about 11 week DS2 who smiles coyly at elderly ladies then hides his face and peeps our at them again.

It is one of those terms that has a completely different meaning and tone to when it is used about adults and older children.

Sexy is always sexual in tone for most people.

WhiteTrash · 22/03/2012 07:46

Little girls (from 2) DO flirt with their fathers. They actuay do. Its not like its sexual, more manipulation. Thats a horrible word to put on a sweet thing, but I cant think of a better one.

blueemerald · 22/03/2012 07:49

One of my TA colleagues at our special school says this 5-10 times a day about our pupils (aged 11-15 but developmentally 11-18 months) and it gives me the heebie jeebies although I suppose it's harmless enough really. Bloody annoying too though.

lesley33 · 22/03/2012 07:55

YANBU.

My DM always used to say this about DCs when they were 3,4,5, i.e. look at him flirting with the waitress, he certainly likes the girls, he's batting his eyelashes at her etc. It made me feel uneasy because in reality the DCs were just smiling and looking for attention. They weren't flirting and their behaviour had nothing to do imo with the adult being a member of the opposite sex.

I agree with cainima - it is putting an adult set of values and behaviours onto very young children.

minibmw2010 · 22/03/2012 08:02

My DS (10 months) is a real little flirt and I don't find it creepy to say that at all. When we see pretty women he smiles really cutely and coyly at them, he doesn't do it to men (maybe because they don't tend to pay as much attention to him or smile at him as much). But either way he's just 10 months old and certainly not creepy !!

Kayzr · 22/03/2012 08:04

I have loads of people male and female telling me that DS2 will be a heartbreaker when he's older. Apparently because of his blue eyes and blonde curly hair.

It's only something people say. Nothing to get worked up about.

Overcooked · 22/03/2012 08:08

Chill-out, it means that the child is being charming rather than actually flirting - it's simply a turn of phrase!

But sexy - no, no, no!