to find it creepy as all hell

[Aribura]

when people claim their young child "flirts" with others (particularly when the claim is that they only do it to the opposite sex), that they will be a "heartbreaker" and that they "loves the ladies"? And then justify this by claiming it's reasonable because "he was batting his eyelashes!11!!One!" so that must mean they were flirting.

Batting eyelashes to attract attention is not a natural impulse. It's cultural (some cultures, it's obscene to use so much eye contact etc) and therefore it has to be acquired by being exposed to it. Which makes me think that either a) the child has been exposed to seeing adult flirting a lot or b) the parent is projecting something that isn't there.

Anyway, I don't really care if IABU to those who creepily think their child is flirting with people, I just had to have a rant.

People say the "heartbreaker" comment to my DS. I take it to mean he has a lovely smile (which he does of course :) ) and that they are saying he will be a good looking boy when he grows up. Hence the will be or going to be aspect of the comment. He has had the "likes the ladies" comment too (although he smiles just as much at men) but I don't think it's creepy. Just something people say. They are not sexualising him in any way.

I don't like "sexy" used for a small child, (thankfully no one has said that too him) but I think it is just very tacky chavtastic rather than sinister.

You see I think the heartbreaker comment is fine. To me its just like saying he is going to be handsome when he grows up. And the word flirting can be used by some to just mean charming.

But saying a young child is flirting because he is batting his eyelashes is imo completely different. That is either because a child has been taught to do this or imo adults are interpreting a child's ordinary behaviour through a prism of how adults behave.

I hate the expression. So many other words and phrases to use.

Might just be me, but I've never heard it applied in a same sex scenario, like grandad saying "Ooh, look at my grandson flirting with me."

It seems to me that it's used to 'prove' a child's sexual orientation from a very young age. Straight is great and all that. Which I don't like.

I'm not sure if I'm making a lot of sense but I've not had a lot of sleep. :)

It seems to me that it's used to 'prove' a child's sexual orientation from a very young age. Straight is great and all that. Which I don't like.

I think you might be overthinking it there round table. It's just old ladies fussing over charming babies. It's not sowing the early seeds of homophobia and social conditioning.

flirting=charming.

roundtable - I totally agree with you.

I have occasionally joked to my DH that DD is a flirt but it is not meant in a sinister way. Agree that a child being labelled a "heartbreaker" when they are older is just a way of saying they are cute. I have never referred to a child as "sexy" and find that a bit creepy but "flirting" and "he'll be a heartbreaker" is IMO fairly harmless.

I don't think I am reading too much into it.

However, I definitely don't have the same reaction to heartbreaker. That seems more innocent, friends can break each others hearts as well as it being a romantic notion.

agree with whitetrash.
its called the electra complex with girls like freuds Oedipus complex.
all a bit odd but........ there you go.

btw i could never ever describe a child as sexy, flirting etc.

I never thought of it that way.

I say ds (five) is 'flirting' when he looks at an older lady (grandma type age), catches their eye, give them a lovely smile - angling for fuss and attention. It is absolutely all about him trying to charm someone, and absolutely non sexual. He really does have a killer smile which has charmed some really tough cookies into giving him fuss and sometimes lollipops. The focus is definitely towards the lollipop end of things.

He is completely different with females of his own age - normal for kids, I suppose, as far as I can see.

But if you could see him working a bus stop with smiling and chatting and looking that little bit mischievous, it's hard to describe without getting near 'flirting'. I don't encourage it. But at least he is comfortable with people.

My son is a flirt. He's six months old. He loves people and smiles and is coy when he gets their attention. Doesn't mean I think he's gonna be a heartbreaker, he's just a baby.

I've got a bit of a problem with it too, actually. I think it's because to me, it brings a sexual element to a very innocent and normal feature of childhood. It's not the action itself, but the term we use to describe it. I hate the word "flirt" but again, that's because of my own personal hang-ups

My own Mum, who is adored by all in my family, once said about DD3 "she likes the men" and it stayed with me and made me cringe inside. DD3 really responded to deep voices so ofcourse, certain male voices would make her attentive. But the saying "she likes the men" made me .

Again, my own hang ups, so I don't expect people to agree with me. I know where you're coming from OP.