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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

So if you don't answer the phone, do you answer the door?

78 replies

knowitallstrikesagain · 21/03/2012 13:44

I don't always answer the phone when it rings. I have had comments from (old) people about this, asking how I can be uncontactable when I have a mobile. But I go one step further...

Sometimes I don't answer the door!!!!

I am often in my living room meaning I have full view of who is at the door and if it is someone I don't recognise, mostly I ignore it. This really infuriates people, normally door to door sales or charity collecters, who can see me looking at them. They make 'open the door gestures', ring again, probably wondering if I am deaf or have phobias, then leave cross and bemused. I have been told this is mean and I should answer the door to them. But I don't want to.
AIBU?

OP posts:

Freshlettice · 21/03/2012 22:37

Noo, you don't have to do either. It's your house, therefore you choose whether to answer phone or door.
I will happily sit at the kitchen table in full view of the door but not answer it if I don't recognise the caller. If it is important a message will be left. Same with the phone.

exoticfruits · 21/03/2012 22:39

It is fairly easy to say 'I do not want to talk to you', in a politer way.
I expect by your definition I am old, but not by mine, and I don't see what it has to do with it.

BusinessTrills · 21/03/2012 22:39

Just before Christmas I opened the door, after getting up muttering about "bloody salesmen" and it was a lady with some mince pies saying "I am Jen from #37 and I have made mince pies. That's all. Merry Christmas". I was :) and And I'm not sure if it is precisely Jen or precisely 37 so I can't thank her (plus that would be weird...)

Anyone who is doing unsolicited door-knocking who you do not know personally it is absolutely fine to not answer the door.

MrsPeterDoherty · 21/03/2012 22:42

How is it rude? I think its rude of people to expect me to be available whenever they knock on the door or phone. If I haven't asked them to call, then it's inconvenient for me to answer

Original poster

knowitallstrikesagain · 21/03/2012 22:43

By old I mean it seems to be a generational thing, in that my and OH's grandparents will always answer the door, be it in the middle of dinner, getting out of the bath, in the middle of a conversation. We joke that it is left over from the days when people used to just drop by. I don't know anyone under 55 who would just drop by now, they all call and make arrangements.

Not that 55 is old...

OP posts:

exoticfruits · 21/03/2012 22:47

I find that it is older people who won't answer the door. I don't mind if they are really elderly, but not just because they can see you standing there and don't want to bother when they have no idea what you want or who you are.

starfishmummy · 21/03/2012 22:51

I only answer the phone if I want to, that is why we have an answering machine.
Drives MIL dotty!!

Original poster

knowitallstrikesagain · 21/03/2012 22:54

I really am antisocial. I have no idea what you want or who you are, but I don't want to know. Unless I have nothing more important/better to do.

I might feel bad if it was an unknown neighbour who was locked out and needed a cuppa or a long lost relative. But then again, if I didn't answer the door, I would never know and would therefore be none the wiser about what I had missed out on.

OP posts:

exoticfruits · 21/03/2012 22:54

I don't always answer the phone, but they can't see you. I might leave the door-but not if they have seen you are in.

FizzyLaces · 21/03/2012 23:45

My teenager and I have both got home realising we have no house keys recently. Thank feck my lovely neighbour answers her door and sticks the kettle on.

On reflection, I think this 'when I am home, the outside world ceases to exist' (and I don't mean you, op, as you actually open the door to folk) mentality makes our society and our communities poorer. I work full time, have kids, participate in community groups and do my bit. Now, more than ever in our lifetimes, we need to look out for our neighbours.

MissMogwi · 22/03/2012 00:03

I live on a main road, so I can always see the charity mitherers or Jehovah's witnesses coming and ignore them.

If I do answer I am politeness itself whilst inviting them to naff off. However, if someone looks in through the window or forbid, taps on the glass, I see my arse.

MissMogwi · 22/03/2012 00:04

I also love caller ID. One of my favourite inventions.

NewGirlInTown · 22/03/2012 03:54

I never answer the door unless I am expecting someone

It's not an anti social thing, it's a stay safe in your own home thing. Once you have opened up you are completely at the mercy of the person on the outside.

exoticfruits · 22/03/2012 07:20

Of course you are not at their mercy! You just politely tell them you are not interested and close the door.

Dillydollydaydream · 22/03/2012 10:12

I think it's rude to go around knocking on people's doors uninvited. How many people actually sign up to charity callers on the doorstep? Surely not many.

Spiritedwolf · 22/03/2012 10:46

Oh gosh, thanks for this, I thought I was really rude not answering the door. I have agoraphobia, and so... well sometimes don't feel like talking to strangers as I don't always feel confident to tell them 'No.' Several years ago I got talked into one of those charity direct debit things, ended up feeling resentful of the charity till I cancelled it as it wasn't one I'd have choosen to support (and at the time already supported a couple that I did like by DD which I went to their websites and signed up with). I've been better since then about saying 'No' to similar callers, but I would still rather not speak to them at all because of how anxious I get about not wanting to appear rude.

We have a no cold callers sign which stops some of them but not all. My front door is at the bottom of a set of internal stairs, which means I can't see who's out there till I get down to the door, but it also means they haven't a clue whether I'm home or not when they ring.

I prefer meter readers etc to come around when my DH is about. But at least if they leave a card saying they'll be round the next day I can tidy up make sure the meter is accessible, and I know who's at the door whe they knock the next day. But sometimes you can phone in your meter reading, which is fab.

I think I get quite a lot because I'm at home most of the time. Other people must be out when they call so they probably don't think too much about it.

Having agoraphobia means that I really need 'home' to be a safe place. I don't like strangers coming in at all really.

jasminerice · 22/03/2012 10:59

I don't think it's at all rude to not answer the door even when the person knows you're in. In my own home I have a choice whether to answer the door or not. If I choose not to answer that's entirely my perogative.

YouChangeWithTheWeather · 22/03/2012 11:05

I'd really like a sign that says "Unless you're the postman or I know you, don't bother knocking on the door"

I can't really see out of the glass panel to the side of the door as it's covered in signs about no canvassers, no trick or treaters, no buying or selling at the door, everything's postcoded so don't burgle us type thing

I do long for a big metal gate with entryphone

Lueji · 22/03/2012 11:12

Yeah, people who ring unannounced are usually sales people or the post man.

I usually answer, unless I am in the bathroom, but also pissed them off by telling them that I don't pay attention to door to door sales people.
The same with those who ring me.

diamondsonthesolesofhershoes · 22/03/2012 21:29

My door always seems to go when I've just got out the shower, or just about to get in the shower, or having a poo, or not got a bra on, DPs wandering about with his wanger out etc etc.. so I'll ignore it if I'm not expecting anyone, including army rolls under windows etc.
I'm the same with the phone though, if I don't recognise the number I'll ignore it, anyone important will leave a message.

Haziedoll · 22/03/2012 21:36

No I don't always answer. Once a meter reader knocked on the door and I was in a very short nightie, the house was a tip because ds and I were having a lazy day so we hid in the kitchen.

The meter reader phoned the police, went around the back of the house by climbing over two neighbours gardens and was able to get to my French doors (all glass) where ds and I were in full view. I posted about it on here at the time and the unanimous response was that I was being unreasonable...

2rebecca · 22/03/2012 22:09

I usually answer the door but don't get many house to house cold callers.

Redbindy · 23/03/2012 00:19

Tend to answer the door if I'm expecting something. The answerphone acts as a filter for unwanted phone calls.

kipperandtiger · 23/03/2012 00:28

It's your right to answer your door/phone as you choose.

kipperandtiger · 23/03/2012 00:32

Haziedoll - that sounds unreasonable of the meter reader.....what excuse did he/she give to the police for wasting their time? That he/she had called 5 minutes beforehand and you had promised you'd be in to answer the door and you didn't so you must have collapsed unconscious??? I am also astounded that the police actually turned up. I didn't see your post, but if it was the meter reader that climbed over your neighbour's gardens, er, he's trespassing!

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