To challenge this woman on her behaviour? (sorry, long)

[Annoyedbygossip]

I am in a middle management role in a large organisation. I recently had to sack someone after a long process of trying to tackle poor performance. She was a nice woman but not at all able to do the job that was required of her. Unfortunately, she had serious mental health issues which affected her perceptions of reality, and this made it hard for her to understand where she was going wrong. I therefore took lots of advice at every stage of the process, made reasonable adjustments, put masses of support in place, but after two years, it was clear that she was not capable of making the improvements that were required of her. She was not interested in redeployment and so we had to let her go.

She happened to be very friendly with another woman who is a manager on my level, who has some limited contact with me and other members of my team. I had the distinct impression that this other manager was attempting to stir up trouble while I was trying to take the employee through the capability procedures, but wasn't quite sure what was going on, so I let it go.

Today I learned that, since her friend was sacked from the organisation, this manager has been gossiping in fairly public meetings about what she thinks happened. This was reported back to me by someone who knew the true circumstances in which the employee was sacked, and it's clear that the version this manager is freely discussing with other people has been seriously distorted.

I'm not surprised that she has a distorted view as she has heard it from her friend, who is psychotic. However, she must also know that there were serious performance issues with this employee, as the employee applied for a much lower grade job in this manager's department and didn't get it - in fact, they readvertised it because they didn't find anyone suitable.

I know that gossip happens in all organisations, but had assumed that a manager might realise there are two sides to every story. . TBH, I am and that a manager at this level would not know better than to gossip about such sensitive issues to all and sundry, and I'm furious that I am being accused of treating this employee badly when, god knows, I bent over backwards to try and help her. Needless to say, I am not in a position to defend myself in any way, as the details of the case are naturally confidential. Apparently, this manager has form for behaving like this - I am disgusted at her lack of professionalism.

I know I would be within my rights to submit a grievance against this other manager, as there are several people who witnessed what she said. However, I don't want to make things awkward for those witnesses, so I'd rather not go down that route. So should I just suck it up, accept that she is an unprofessional bitch and let it go? Or do I ask her why she made the comments that she did, tell her how unfair I felt they were and how surprised I was that she would discuss these issues publicly, and then just watch her squirm.

I will probably mention it to my boss either way, but he doesn't line manage the other manager, so doubt there is much that he can do. AIBU to want to say something to this woman, or am I just overreacting about the whole thing. (FWIW, the allegations are pretty serious and wholly unfounded - as far as I'm concerned, they are libellous.)

Sorry, meant to add - I'm a regular but have name-changed for obvious reasons.

Let it go. You won't come out looking good

Go and tell her what you've told us.

Annoyed, I know that you're annoyed, but I'm not sure that the way that you describe the employer as having mental health issues that affect her perception of reality, and later as 'psychotic' is particularly sympathetic or, indeed, likely to be medically accurate.

Gah, employee. Sausage fingers.

No don't let it go! But go through professional channels - DO NOT approach her directly. Do it by the book. Let us know what happens!

If you can really trust yourself to have the talk in a calm and measured manner, then yes, have the talk. But you will absolutely have to be calm and measured - any chance that you're going to get hysterical and a bit teary then just leave it. You're not overreacting and I can see why you feel the need to do something - must be so galling for you.

Deal with it by the book. Consider your language when referring to the ex employee - was she diagnosed by a MH professional as psychotic? If so, is this a fact that can be repeated outside of confidential proceedings? I would imagine not. I am just saying this so you can protect yourself, as you seem to have dealt with this all v reasonably so far.
Your good name is being dragged through the mud, you should definitely halt this, through whatever proceedings are in place in your company. Good luck!

Annoyed, I know that you're annoyed, but I'm not sure that the way that you describe the employer as having mental health issues that affect her perception of reality, and later as 'psychotic' is particularly sympathetic or, indeed, likely to be medically accurate.

It is absolutely medically accurate, I have seen her medical records, including psychiatric reports. There is obviously a whole lot more that i haven't mentioned as it isn't relevant. I do not mean to be unsympathetic, but the fact is, her mental health severely affected her perceptions of what was happening, and that is the version of events that this other colleague has heard.

Obviously, I would not describe her as psychotic to anyone who might know her.

But someone on MN might know her? Or be her? Sorry, I think I just felt that there was quite a lot of identifiable (and confidential) info in your OP.

Putting that aside, I think that you should have a quiet word with your colleague. You probably don't even need to say much, just make her sweat a bit. Hopefully, she'll stop then.

Seems to be the general consensus that I should do this more formally. I'll have to think about that, and perhaps talk to the colleague who told me, to see how she would feel about this.

Thing is, even if I put in a grievance and it is upheld, she is unlikely to get more than a caution, and the people who might give evidence about what she has said would still have to work with her - much more closely than I do. I don't want to create a difficult atmosphere for them. Will sleep on it, and see what my boss thinks.

I don't know but good luck, she sounds like a bitch and I would probably want to put a pin in her office chair

recursive, I have deliberately omitted some key details that are not relevant to the current issue, and I have name-changed so that I cannot be recognised. For reasons which I can't go into, I am confident that nobody will recognise her from what I have said.

But I think that's what I was hoping really - that just letting her know that I am aware of what she has said might be enough to stop her from doing it again.

treadwarily I'm liking that idea!

Apparently, this manager has form for behaving like this who said so? you didn't listen to gossip about her did you?

Very frustrating and she is clearly out of order, but i don't think a grievance is the way to go - it probably won't really resolve anything and will no doubt cause you and colleagues a lot of grief that you can do without. You should def spreak to your boss about it, who I think should be speaking to her boss. I'd put money on this not being the first and only issue of this kind with her. There are ways that her boss can address her behaviour without having to bring you into it specifically.
Sounds like you did a good job in diffficult circumstances - well done on having the grit to follow it through.

Fair point, pom. This was said to me by the person who told me what she had said. I accept that it amounts to little more than gossip, but given her behaviour in the current situation, I am disinclined to give her the benefit of the doubt.

Thanks marshy - it was indeed a very difficult situation which has caused me a huge amount of angst and stress over the last couple of years. It was difficult for all concerned. :(

I think talking to my boss is probably the best way forward. He knows all the ins and outs of the situation, and can probably make a more objective judgement than I can right now. If he feels it's appropriate to raise it with her boss, then he can do that.

I am in a similar management position and know how hard it can be. Being misrepresented is tough, but your bottom line is that you did the right thing and you need to rise above her lack of professionalism, which I'm sure others will see through. Hand it to your boss and let him/her take it forward.

marshy, you are right. I will "hand it over" and try to stop fuming about it. :)

It must be very frustrating. I have had similar stuff happen. All I can say is what my mum told me about gossip as a child 'Gossip reflects more on the person saying it than the actual gossip itself.' If that makes sense. I would maybe say something to HR and your manager, but something professional. But you sound professional, keep it up ! the other manager is just doing stuff that reflects very badly on herself.

Been there - I would tell your boss to start with.

Actually, I dont think raising a formal grievance is the right way to go as it will just embroil you in more of the same. I would book a meeting in her diary and go and say very calmly to her something on the lines of 'I know you are aware that I had to let X go, after 2 years of doing my very best to support her and keep her in role. Obviously all the details of that are confidential in her interests. There have been stories circulating that you have made some claims about what happened which are completely factually incorrect. I just wanted to warn you about these stories so you could put a stop to them as obviously it is infringing X's confidentiality to discuss anything. And if I hear them again I will have to file a formal grievance as they are damaging, wrong and libellous'. That will give you the satisfaction of letting her know you are cross, without actually accusing her of anything.

If you have nothing to be ashamed of, have behaved fairly, professionally and followed company procedure then you have nothing to worry about when it comes to gossip.