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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask dd to look after ds2?

45 replies

mosschops30 · 19/03/2012 21:05

Shes 16 and finishes school in May for GCSEs.
I have offered to pay her to look after her brother one day a week.

Is this appropriate or not? And aibu to do this?

OP posts:

NearlyMrsCustardsHardHat · 19/03/2012 21:06

How old is your DS?

My SIL is 16 and also doing her GCSE's this year and we trust her to look after our infant school age children for 2 - 3 hours each week.

NearlyMrsCustardsHardHat · 19/03/2012 21:07

Meant to add that if the children weren't of school age then I wouldn't be letting her look after them for so long. But that's purely my opinion.

curiositykitten · 19/03/2012 21:08

What are you asking? Is it unreasonable to ask her to look after her brother, or unreasonable to pay her for it?

I don't think it's unreasonable to ask or pay her, but I also don't think it's unreasonable of her to say no.

Original poster

mosschops30 · 19/03/2012 21:08

Hes almost 3. He will go to nursery and inlaws the other four days.
I will be local and out probably 9-3pm

OP posts:

bigbluebus · 19/03/2012 21:09

That depends on whether or not your DD needs to be revising. They finish in May as they are on study leave.

Original poster

mosschops30 · 19/03/2012 21:10

Im just asking if its ok to ask my dd to do that. Shes happy to get a wage because shes giving up her paper round so she doesnt have to get up early every day.
Shes already said yes

OP posts:

lisad123 · 19/03/2012 21:11

unless she has a job, i would not pay her.

Original poster

mosschops30 · 19/03/2012 21:11

No study leave here finish on 11th exams start on 14th.
She will have five other days to revise.

OP posts:

Beamur · 19/03/2012 21:14

My 16 yr old DSD often babysits her little sister (age 5) and I reckon she could do all day, but would probably find it hard work! If you're happy that she is mature and responsible enough I'd say that's fine, I'd pay her too.

Winkly · 19/03/2012 21:15

Why would it not be reasonable? She's legally old enough to leave school and get a job, and presumably you're happy she's responsible.

Mrbojangles1 · 19/03/2012 21:21

Why are you paying family to look after family

She is 16 to be fair she should just do as she is asked she get food and shelter clothing no doubut mobile,lap top

Beamur · 19/03/2012 21:59

Because it's a nice thing to give her some money to show your appreciation? My older kids don't ask for money to babysit but I usually give them some anyway - to say thank you.

Mrbojangles1 · 19/03/2012 22:11

Diffrent stokes and all that we don't encourge Monterey reward for helping out ones family that's just us

People pay their sisters to babysit or pay their children to watch their siblings personally we are taught in our family loving each other is doing things like looking after each other and doing favours With in the family with no payment needed

How about getting the little ones to do somthing ine for her instead of payment breakfast in bed a chocky cake make by little siblings

Getting them to draw her a picture of make a card

thebody · 19/03/2012 22:22

I didn't pay dss to ns us it their dd, it's what families do, but I did get them occasional thank treats, y would u pay her?

Original poster

mosschops30 · 19/03/2012 22:23

I would like a card or a cake off the little ones, try and cast your mind back to being 16 and see if its what you would want
i dont pay her if she looks after him for me to pop out for half hour or whatever, but i feel that if she gives up a whole day, and is helping me and saving me money then the least i can do is give her something

OP posts:

Beamur · 19/03/2012 22:43

I agree with OP, I wouldn't pay for babysitting for the odd half hour or so (and DSD would not expect it either) but for a whole day on a regular basis, I think it would be a nice thing to do - if not money then something else, maybe a trip out or a treat of some kind - but 16 yr olds would probably prefer money to choose to spend how they like.

Mrbojangles1 · 19/03/2012 23:03

mosschops30 or you could look at it like this you feed her cloth her, support her at school will be no doubut footing her uni bil and when she is older wedding the least she can do is help ou out when you need it

And that the more money you have to pay out of the family for baby sitting is less money for all of you

I just think all ou do for her and you sound like a lovely mum would it really kill her her to look after her siblings for free for a whole

FYI my older sister had me all time time and to be honest it was a hoot it made us very close espically knowing she wasn't being paid to look after me we spent 4 summers in a row together and I saved up my pocket money for the whole summer and good her to wimpy to say thanks we still talk about that day now

But o course your family good luck

callmemrs · 19/03/2012 23:54

I think you're absolutely right to offer payment. It's reasonable to expect certain routine things around the house to be done for free - but taking responsibility for a much younger sibling for a day is NOT routine . It's not like you're popping out to the shop and she's doing a quick favour. She will be taking charge of the younger child. You wouldn't expect a childminder or babysitter to do it for free. It's got nothing to do with how much you love and. Care for your family- its about respecting the fact that your dd would be providing something which you need.
I thing it's really wrong to expect much older siblings to take charge of younger ones on a regular basis for free. They aren't the parent. I have a friend who used to expect her teenager to do this and it caused a lot of bad feeling.
You sound like a thoughtful and wise mum op

startail · 20/03/2012 00:06

At 16 I'd certainly have wanted paying. I don't do toddlers.
I'm wasn't that mad on my own.

BackforGood · 20/03/2012 00:09

YANBU.
Only issue I see is what about the days she has an exam on that day ?
Presumably you don't know her timetable ?

sunnydelight · 20/03/2012 03:36

Of course YANBU. I would pay her though, obviously not full on "x per hour" babysitting rates, but something to say "thanks for helping out". I went out for a few hours on Saturday night (DH was away) leaving 13yo DS2 babysitting his 9yo sister. I gave him $5 to say thanks. No, of course I didn't have to give him anything but he was dead chuffed.

KatAndKit · 20/03/2012 04:24

Study leave. The clue is in the title. She should be using the time to revise for her exams.
Once the exams are over I don't see any problem with this though. My mum used to pay me extra pocket money at that age for doing all the ironing. I don't see anything wrong with paying her a few quid for babysitting. But I don't agree with it when she is still supposed to be doing full time education. She doesn't finish school in May, they are on study leave - the term doesn't finish until July.

ettiketti · 20/03/2012 04:24

Yep, I dd

ettiketti · 20/03/2012 04:25

Oops, I did at a similar age with my dd.

hairytaleofnewyork · 20/03/2012 06:31

It's not the responsibility of older siblings to look after younger ones.

of course you should pay her going rate.

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