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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask dd to look after ds2?

45 replies

mosschops30 · 19/03/2012 21:05

Shes 16 and finishes school in May for GCSEs.
I have offered to pay her to look after her brother one day a week.

Is this appropriate or not? And aibu to do this?

OP posts:

catsareevil · 20/03/2012 06:36

I think that you are right to pay her, as long as you feel that she will still be able to revise enough for the exams.

ragged · 20/03/2012 06:40

It's not the responsibility of older siblings to look after younger ones.

I disagree, in that I think it's quite reasonable to ask occasionally & ad hoc
& shorter spells of free babysitting than OP is pondering. It's part of living together.
BUT, if it was a regular weekly thing, i'd pay her. A relatively cheap rate, maybe, but still pay, yes.

mumblecrumble · 20/03/2012 06:47

I think that sounds great! As long as she is happy then that sounds like a good arrangement, Most of my students (A level and some GCSE) have a part time job but most of them are later nights in bars, shops, call centre. At least she will be comfmortable at home or out and about and get a fair wage from a boss she knows well!

In terms of study leave - most of my student work 8 - 12 hours per wekk all year.

Does your daughter have other commitments to0?

jubilee10 · 20/03/2012 06:47

YANBU I pay my ds (14) to babysit his brother and that's when his brother is sleeping!

mummytime · 20/03/2012 06:53

For all of you who wouldn't ever pay an older sibling to babysit a younger, if you have kids with this age gap, you will find the older is not available as they are babysitting for someone else who will pay them. Actually my kids often do get paid for doing odd extra jobs, just the odd pounder two for helping tidy the garden etc.

HappyMummyOfOne · 20/03/2012 07:30

It sounds a great agreement for you both. I totally agree re paying her, after all she is not resposnsible for her little sibling so payment would seem fair.

minesawhitewine · 20/03/2012 07:42

I don't think she should be looking after your DS whilst she's on study leave because she should be using that time to prepare for her exams, as KitandKat has said.

Once she's finished exams, no problem. I assume she's confident in coping with a 3 yr old on her own and would be able to handle any unforseen situations or emergencies, as well as the routine stuff?

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 20/03/2012 07:47

Whilst she will have finished in May does she not have exams all through June. She might find she wants that one day for last minute revisison for an exam one week.

Once exams over, yes, assuming DS has no special needs etc she will be fine. And I agree with paying her - she could after all be working elsewhere getting paid.

NCIS · 20/03/2012 08:59

My DD has been doing that since she was 14 although her brothers were then 12 and 9. She now looks after her younger brother who has ASD if we go away for a weekend, I don't pay her but I do pay her rent at uni and often buy her clothes and food and she has the use of my car.
So long as she is sensible and has phone numbers of local people for emergencies. Tell her younger brother he has to do what his big sister says.

COCKadoodledooo · 20/03/2012 09:25

After her exams fine, but not when she's supposed to be studying, that's hugely unreasonable imo.

Original poster

mosschops30 · 20/03/2012 09:35

Ok just to reiterate they dont have study leave. School finishes on 11th, exams start on 14th.
It is one shortish day out of 6, she will have plenty of time to revise.

We have agreed £20 for the day, but for that she has to do stuff with him (park/baking/painting) not putting peppa pig on repeat and going on facebook all day
i do trust her, she is a bit drippy but very sensible, mature and kind

OP posts:

Original poster

mosschops30 · 20/03/2012 09:37

Sorry meant to say that my old cm is doing the days that dd has exams.
And thank you for all the comments

OP posts:

gettingalifenow · 20/03/2012 09:38

I would say yes, ask her and pay her, but not until after the exams are over. Study leave is for studying. And even one day would make a difference.

(or at least til after half term if your DD's timetable is anything like my DD's - 12 exams before half term, then quieter)

littleducks · 20/03/2012 10:10

I think it's fine and will do her good. You can't study full time everyone needs a break, even if it is a working break.

I was babysitting a baby, working on a shop floor and taking calls in a pizza shop in the evenings at that age around my exams. She will probably have fun.

Mrsjay · 20/03/2012 10:45

I left school at 16 and was looking after my sister who was 4 most weekdays dropping and picking her up from nursery getting her fed etc when my mum worked before i started college , I think your daughter is 16 if she wants to do it then let her she isnt a little girl she is 16 . some 16/17 yr olds have their own babies to look after ,

BackforGood · 20/03/2012 23:01

KitandKat and others that have agreed - you can't study all the time. This is about time management. There are 7 days in a week, and 15/16 yr olds are generally awake for about 15 hours a day (?). The OP is talking about something like 6 hours out of that week. I'm not going to get my ds to stop his paper round whilst doing his exams, he needs to manage his time so that it allows time to do the 'earning' as well. Just as they need time to eat and shower and get out in the fresh air, and yes, even relax on Facebook or x-box or however they relax. Nobody should be studying for 13, 14, 15 hours a day, 7 days a week. OP's dd will just be having a 6 hour break in the day, on those days she's is being paid to babysit. she can then study that evening instead.

spg1983 · 20/03/2012 23:44

OP, if there is no study leave then your daughter would still be expected to attend school, full-time. If school finishes on 11th and she is only expected to cone in for exams, then she is definitely on study leave. Her school may not want to call it that for fear of criticism but that's what it is.

I'm a teacher and although I'd love for my pupils to continue doing as much as on a normal school day, I know that this doesn't often happen and that a lot of pupils take it a lot easier, which is understandable. However...I think it'd be a good idea to re-iterate that this day's worth of work needs to be done at some other point in the week. I know it sounds like I'm a real taskmaster but the thing to remember is that the vast majority of pupils will have finished all exams by the end of June, giving them 2 months to enjoy the summer, plus how many times in life do you take GCSEs? Just the once...hopefully!

OriginalJamie · 21/03/2012 04:19

I think her revision should come first, TBH, in this instance

mumblecrumble · 24/03/2012 16:29

Her revision is coming first.

SHe can still do the job!

HairyLemon · 24/03/2012 16:58

YANBU no-one studies all day every day when school ends. She'll probably be grateful for the extra £ and a bit of time away from text books.

Yea YANBU, if she is up for it and you're happy then I dont see any problem.

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