AIBU to be slightly happy that DS1 told his girlfriend to 'get out' and go & stay with her mum

[CreamolaFoamless]

I know from posts I've made on here alot of members think I'm a giant pushover when it comes to DS1's girlfriend who lives with us

It came too ahead today when he more or less told her to go home and start learning some respect for other people

Me and Ds1 then had a fantastic conversation about how her staying here effected me

He also then had a rant , probably because they'd fallen out, about everything that she doing/the way she behaving was bugging him about her etc etc.

I'm just glad I didn't take some of advice posted on here , because I would have gone in all guns blazing and told her to leave six months ago

I'm far happier he has done that without any interference from me..

She will be back later tonight probably, but at least I now know it's not just me

But I am slighly happy it's happened

You have done well to last6 months!

I remember reading your other threads, and when I saw this thread title I thought 'I hope thats creamola' :)
Don't let her back in!

So you´ve had to put up with a situation in your own home for 6months rather than upset anyone by saying something?

Can´t see what´s so clever about that tbh.

So if she´s back tonight, they´ve argued but not split?

Read your other posts, Creamola. Am glad he's finally stepped up; not sure it should have taken him six months, mind...

YABU if you resign yourself to her coming back later.

And you're going to let her back in? You're still a pushover.

why should she come back later. Her bags can be packed or her stuff in boxes ready to hand over at the door and finish

Creamola, this is getting beyond ridiculous. Why on earth are you so passive about what goes on in your own household that you cannot decide on the basis on your own feelings and experiences that your son's girlfriend living in is not good for you? Why are your son's reactions more important than yours? Especially if, as you say, he was only prepared to rant about her behaviour because they've had a tiff - only now that he's annoyed with her, can he see how her presence is affecting you. And as soon as they've made up, she'll be back cosily ensconsed in your house exactly as before, and they'll both expect you back on doormat mode?

This isn't progress, Creamola, this sounds more like you putting your head in the sand and hoping that someone else acts so you don't have to!

I remember your previous posts so I'm glad for you that you feel better she's out your house for now.

However, what's the point in your DS telling her to go only for her to come back later? Then the whole situation starts again. Are you gonna put up with her disrespecting you for another 6 months? I'm confused by this passive attitude you seem to have.

I'd let her back in yes.. because I am a nice person.

It's DS1's choice if he wants her to come back or not.

Although her bed is now here so if the spilt up he won't have a bed because he chucked his out

@Strandedbear I've never met either cat yet, her mum is probably a nice lady but she workd 3 jobs and the cats are home alone (indoor cats) every day

There's being a nice person and there's relinquishing control of your life to your own detriment.

I think alot of people here have very young children and I can understand where you are coming from

But believe me when your's turn into 18 years old you are unlikely to stand by the things post now

It's extremely easy to say 'I won't allow this, I wouldn't allow that' but when living it everything changes.

relinquishing control of my life to my own deteriment !!? Lol , she bugs me she isn't trying to destroy me

Yes, you are nice, but this is also your home. If you would feel more comfortable without her there then stand up for yourself and say so; it doesn't have to be done in a confrontational way and you don't have to explain yourself.

Why not take this as an opportunity to say, well, six months is quite enough. Your son's acknowledged that he knows what the effect of having her live there has been on you, but will anything change if she comes back tonight?

She's not your child, she's not your responsibility, in fact she's a grown woman who can look after herself. It's the love for your son that's made you put up with it for so long and frankly, they're both taking advantage of that.

Think of yourself now. Put yourself first.

Well you wouldn't think it by the things you post sometimes. So she just bugs you. Fair enough. Why all the angst then?

because she bugs me

If it was an intensense situation and I felt she was being destructive I would tell her to sling her hook

I think it's ok to have moan here though about.

There are alot of threads about my MIL hates me ...I don't want to become one of those people

Ok then, fair enough. Course it's ok to have a moan here. Just remember that though when you're feeling really upset about the situation again

I'm glad to hear you're feeling more positive about things.

Can you agree some ground rules if she does come back? Now that your son has acknowledged her behaviour is a problem then it means he is being unreasonable if he expects her to move back into your home and continue to treat you disrespectfully.

It's funny how your DS is only bothered about how her staying there affects you once they've fallen out.

Once they make it up, will he care?

Doubtful imo.

"I think alot of people here have very young children and I can understand where you are coming from

But believe me when your's turn into 18 years old you are unlikely to stand by the things post now

It's extremely easy to say 'I won't allow this, I wouldn't allow that' but when living it everything changes."

That is rubbish. Having seen two of mine past 18 years old I can tell you that it's still your house and if you don't want someone living in it, you don't have them living in it. I turned down one request for a "significant other" to move in and I only needed to do it once. Mine knew that if they wanted to set up home they needed to go away and set up their OWN home.

It's your choice if you choose to abdicate control over your home and your life and I don't think anything will change. Just don't make sweeping statements implying that is the norm, because it isn't.

I think you need to be fair to everyone who has tried to offer you advice on the several threads you've started about your DSs GF. Surely you see why there's some frustration with your post.

If she only bugs you and you don't actually really mind her living with you then maybe it's not the best idea to be posting on here so much about her, then saying you would let her back in when she shows up later.

I'm glad you've had a chance to explain to your son how it affects you in a non confrontational manner, but I haven't myself posted on any of your previous threads because it seems, well, so pointless.
It doesn't actually acheive anything or even seem to comfort you.
Which is a shame because you seem like a lovely and kind person. You're obviously very compasionate. But maybe a trusted friend would be a better sounding board if you don't want to change anything. What if she saw your posts on you computer one day?

I do understand just how complicated life can get when your children grow up. Because mine are now 29 and 30 and I've been through many year's worth of relationships.

I've got to say though, Creamola, you have been more tolerant than I would. Admittedly, neither of my adult sons have fetched up with a rather needy girlfriend who moved in by stealth but for all that, you are still being a more reasonable than is, er, reasonable. Your ds's girlfriend also has a mother. How is it that you are the one whose home has been invaded? Is it, perhaps, because the other mother won't accept this sort of behaviour? And if so, you ought to be asking yourself why you are so prepared to.

GravyAndLumptMashBaby ..........what a a name [eeeekkkk]

yes of course .

If she ever uses my laptop I'll stab her