MiL (again) – sorry!

[Angel786]

MiL came to visit at the weekend and insists on teaching dd (16 mo) made up words. I have previously said let?s teach her English (as she is babbling away and repeats lots) and then get started on Urdu / Punjabi if she wants (Pakistani roots). She refuses to listen and at the weekend continued to make up words which dd then won?t stop repeating (chiya chichi etc.). I asked what chichi meant and mil said in Burmese (?!) it means dirty, I laughed and said how about we start with English before teahing dd Burmese. 2 mins later when I am in the kitchen I hear mil again saying chichi to DD. I asked again that she speak English / Urdu to dd and not made up words as dd is v impressionable and picking everything up at the moment.

What really annoys me is MiL refuses to listen to me and continues to teach DD things I don?t want her to learn. This is not the first time ? she was adamant she wanted to be called Dadi (grandmother in urdu) but DH and I wanted dd to master ?daddy? first before getting confused yet she was adamant. Also with DH?s sister who has said she just wants to be called by her name MiL keeps saying ?poopoo? which means Aunt in urdu but obv sounds like a number 2(!) even though SiL and us have said just call her [x].

AIBU? I fear I am as MiL and I have clashed in the past (only since dd was born tho)?

It depends how often your MIL sees your DD. My kids have been taught various interesting words (and picked up swear words) but only repeat them for a few days at most then forget it if they don't hear them again.

My 2 1/2yr old is going through a phase of babbling nonsense so I really wouldn't worry about it, especially if your DD only hears certain words (you don't want her to hear) every now and then from one person.

It's every 10-14 days so quite frequent and dd keeps saying chiya chiya all the time (daily several times)...

I just find it exhausting that no matter what I say she carries on!

I wouldn't worry about your child learning more than one language at a time. A couple I knew years ago spoke different versions of Gaelic and brought their children up to be fluent in both as well as English. The MIL issue is a different kettle of fish. Good luck on that one.

In my experience children don't get confused between different languages if they're taught early in life. It's very good infact. I think this is more about you hating the word "chiya" and the fact MiL has taught it to DD! TBH, I'd go mad too if someone taught my DC a word that was annoying!

Thansk both - yes i agree, happy to have urdu / punjabi (spanish!?) other languages taught but it is particularly the meaningless (and sometimes annoying) words plus the fact MiL refuses to listen if i say please don't...

Learning different sounds is good for her, she's practicing making her mouth do as she tells it too, which will help her with talking in any language. It doesn't matter that the sounds she says aren't real words. So long as she's also hearing lots of English she'll do fine.

Nonsense words don't matter. She's still learning to speak, and to experiment with rhyme, and alliteration, and to practise hearing the difference between very similar words.

Lots of English children's books have nonsense words in, just because the rhyming is funny.

YABU to try to police how she learns your MiL/DH's language. The only two language things I ask of my mil are not to swear and not to speak English, as it is a waste of an opportunity to learn her/DH's language.

teaching words is not the problem - I think it is the type of words. Would you have felt the same if she had taught her 'hello mummy' or 'pretty' in Burmese?

Sorry it does sound as if you are BU.

Regardless of anything your DD is half (Pakistani/Indian etc) so it makes sense for her to learn 2 languages at the same time as they are her culture.

Chichi = dirty in urdu so I think your MIL is just trying to see if you dislike her teaching your DD another language.

I think your MIL is being reasonable wanting to be called dhadhee (paternal grandma) and when pronounced properly doesn't sound like daddy. If you feel that she might get confused how about adding another word to it like dhadhee-ma, dhadhee jaan?

I will add I used to make up gibberish as a little baby - my Dad used one of these 'baba' as a nickname for me, and my mother used to smirk (told me gleefully as an adult) that where she came from baba meant little shit and it summed me right up. On that basis, I don't think you are being unreasonable if she is anything like my mother!

I agree with plutocrap - and anyway I don't think it unreasonable to ask that she teachers her nice words first ......... but when children are young they can hear and replicate different sounds, in a way that they can't after 5/6, so think of learning sounds as developing her capacity to speak languages in the future. Being bilingual is also very good for her brain development. You would be unreasonable to deny her that opportunity - get DH to talk to her - it is his language after all.

Chichi can be dirty in urdu aswel!

Chriyah- is that what she is saying is bird

Chichi can also mean little finger in punjabi!

Actually I think the bigger issue is that your MIL won't do as you have asked wrt your DD. The current problem (a language one) isn't much of one in itself as it won't do your dd any harm in the long run. Loads of kids hear made-up words from various sources and it doesn't affect their ability to talk properly.
However, even if your MIL thinks you are being an idiot, she should really respect your pov and wishes and not carry on regardless. My biggest worry would be that on something that really did matter, she would undermine me.
I have no idea how you tackle it but I don't think it is unreasonable to ask someone to respect the ways in which you have decided to approach something with your child.

You are being unreasonable. Teaching a baby another language does no harm. You can teach the baby English and she can teach her language. Or is it that you don't speak the language that you feel uncomfortable.

I Don't think YABU at all, but that might be because everything my MIL does annoys me! Why don't you have a conversation about what words would be helpful to use, whatever langage they are in.

My husband is Indian, I dont speak bengali but I think it is a wonderful gift that my boys will be bilingual from the start. DS 1 is 3.5 and is almost as fluent in bengali as he is in english. that is with me having to pester their dad like mad to speak it with them.

If I were you I would embrace it and pick your battles more carefully. Get on board with this as it can only be an advantage to have 2 languages and maybe dig your heels in over something else.

Trust me I was exactly where you are and know there are bigger battles!

Sorry should've been clear, I also speak Urdu and punjabi and wanted dd to speak English first then the other languages.

When I asked my mum if chichi had a meaning in punjabi she said piss ?

In slang it could mean poo!

Sorry but - YABU - you sound like one of those mothers who roll their eyes in disgust when elderly aunts etc go " oo'zee ikky wikkle pickle den???" .... giberish - but frankly - do you ever hear an adult talk like that ?

No, you don't ... and interaction is good, all lingusitics are good.

Own up - you just don't like your MIL having a 'secret language' teaching something to your child.

Does your DP still talk baby chichi or can he coherantly switch between languages? What does he think about his mother, actually bothering it interact with his child? Is so precious the he thinks only one language should be taught??

YABU and precious

YABU, and controlling. Leave your MIL to talk to and enjoy her grandchild.

All these comments about what these sounds mean in different languages and dialects is not very useful, since the human throat makes certain sounds which mean different things in different languages. There are also lots of dialects, so it's a bit pointless saying x means y in whatever language if it's not the right language.

Getting cross about nonsense words is ridiculous. Babies and small children babble. It is good for them, and they soon learn which sounds are meaningful, and which are not. Even if they like the sound of their nonsense, so what? My grandmother's nickname for all us grandchilden was based on a mispronunciation by the eldest grandchild, and we always felt as though it was even more of an endearment as a result. So much so that "nana" and "nanny", as names for a grandmother, leave me utterly cold.

OP, if you are the primary carer, and using English (and if DH is, too), your DD is probably learning English first, and even if she learns a bit of something else on the side, why shouldn't she? Small childen are good at differentiating between languages, and an early start is best for helping her get it all sorted out.

Another matter to consider is whether your MIL is actually comfortable speaking English. It would be a shame to restrict her to communication in a language in which she sounds illiterate and inarticulate. By the same token, you surely don't want your DD to hear "incorrect" English, either, do you?

If you have other issues with your MIL, fair enough, but this is the wrong issue to fixate on.

I'd let it go. Imagine if your son married a girl who spoke a language different from yours, and she got upset if you babbled to your grandchild in your native language, silly babbling though it may be. You'd feel censored and outraged.