To insist DH has the snip

[lechatnoir]

..even though I would love another baby. DH is adamant he doesn't - we have thrashed this out many times in the past few years & his mind is absolutely made up. I'd never force him into another baby if he wasn't 100%, so added to the numerous practical reasons also against, I've had to accept we'll forever more be a family of 4 & now think DH should take responsibility for contraception & have a vasectomy.

given I would obviously be very happy with an accident

When I broached it he instantly dismissed it saying he was far too young (36) & we've managed fine using condoms for years why change now. My argument is condoms aren't 100% & whilst I'd be happy with an accident, he clearly wouldn't plus, him that refusing is giving me (probably false) hope that he'll change his mind about a 3rd baby. I suspect this is one of those conversations I will come to regret ever starting.

AIBU to insist if he doesn't want more children he should have the snip?

I'm also a little about the black and white "his body, his choice" line. Yes it is true but his choice has an impact on his wife. It's obviously upsetting the OP as it gives her a little bit of hope that he might change his mind, and if this is definitely not going to happen it feels a little cruel.

Does he give any reasons for not wanting the snip? Agree with the other posters that getting tubes tied is a bigger deal for women.

My DH has had the snip and I have to say it is fantastic. No worrying about pregnancy and no faffing about with pills, condoms etc.

If it were a woman to never want anymore kids she would get her tubes tied so i cant c why he wont have the snip if he definetly doesnt want anymore
And op is being given a false sense of hope by him which is unfair on her-a snip is not as major as tube tying and why should op be sterilised when she wants more children??

It has an impact on his wife yes but at the end of the day everyone should have the ultimate say over their own body and just because it suits one or other better to have their partner do something like this to force the issue is wrong. Marriage does not make you own the other person thank god

I'm rather surprised you haven't questioned his point about being "too young" - if he doesn't want any more children with you, why is he stalling until he's older?

To me, that statement would suggest he means "I've had all the children I want with you, but I'm still young, and might want to have children with someone else." If he was saying "no, not doing that to my body ever" regardless than age, then that would make more sense, but saying he's too young just seems a bit "keeping options open" - and that would make be a bit nervous.

I don't think he means that. He may feel that they as a family have enough children but there is always the possibility that if anything happened and he had another partner they may not have children and so he wants to consider that. Condoms are fine.

YABU to 'insist' but his reasons are crap and your thinking is sound.

My mum had her tubes tied instead of my dad having a snip- the reasoning by my mum was if she died dad's new wife might want dc but she wouldn't want more dc if he died. It made sense to them and they agreed it. It seems your DH is not willing to discuss to mutual agreement (not read whole thread btw)

I don't understand how he finds condom use to be a better choice than vasectomy if he really doesn't want any more children ever, most men hate condoms.
I'd be expecting him to have it done by the time he was 40 tbh, that's not an unreasonably young age.
Would he insist you had an abortion if you fell pregnant?

This is the problem with marriage you think you own the other person

Before we had our accidental DS4, I went to my GP to discuss sterilisation because we both hated condoms, I didn't get on with the mirena and we knew we didn't want any more DCs. He said he didn't advise it because we were 'both still young' (I was about 35, DH 42). I questioned him and he said it was because 'anything could happen' (we could lose all 3 DCs etc) which I found a bit morbid and unlikely (and also would I really just want to 'replace' them?!). However, it was enough to put us off and 6 years later DS4 arrived. I told my GP I was going to bring the baby in to the surgery and leave him for my GP to look after as it was all his fault .

I do think the 'too young' argument is flawed.

OP have you asked what your DH imagines would happen if a condom were to fail? If so, what was his answer?

Seems to me OP you'd be better off if your DH didn't have the snip. As long as you had both agreed that you would keep any surprises.