or is mum/mil, competitive mothers day crazy mum stuff

[Dramasinpyjamas]

Mothers day, ahh, joyful time spent with our loved ones...please bear with me on essay!
This year we're a bt short on cash so I had planned just to send my mum a nice bunch of flowers to be delivered on mothers day. Dh wasnt sure what he wanted to do for his mum, I had tried to tempt him to do the same for ease but he didnt want to, thinks flowers lack thoughtfulness.
He decides a week before that he wants to take his mum out for nice lunch. Just them (pils), not me as its more money (im happy with this plan). His mum then says we cant go out without me. Im in funny position, dont want to look like a kill joy, but dont want to blow £100+. Also feels unfair going out with just one set of parents. So dh then decides few days before that we'll have them all round for lunch instead, both sets, i agree. So Dh goes to lots of effort to make everything lovely, carefully planning it all as mil is a fussy bastard bit picky eater. Day goes lovely, everything fab.

Tonight my mum calls to tell me she felt really sorry for MIL as she was clearly (not to us!?!) upset today. Apparently my dad had mentioned that mum had flowers delivered. His mum didnt. Also apparently the card writing skills of DH are substandard. I signed mine from me and dh. He just signed his 'love John x'.

MIL tends towards passive aggressive sulking anyway, and is quite mum-competitive, often saying odd things like "Im not going to be left out when you have children, oh no". mostly which i just ignore. But my mum is one of those who feels it is essential to take on everyone elses battles. sigh. Thus we get long call saying how upset MIL was, how she didnt get anything for mothers day. (uh hello, did we not give you a lovely day full of food and drink etc) and how the card didnt even come from me, just dh. (wtf?!). Apparently, mil pointed this out to my mum up the table while we were cooking, but didnt say anything to us as usual.

I also got a little dig that as the woman i should be taking on gift buying/card signing duties thus im actually to fault here.

So, aibu or are the loony mothers.

Madder than a bag of squirrels

I wouldn't buy either of them anything next year. They sound like a pair of spoilt 5 year olds

OK, your MIL is a pain, your Mum needs to keep out of it but you really should have sent, or given, flowers to your MIL.

I agree with Hexagonal. Nothing for either next year, can't say fairer than that. They sound like my children - I have to divide everything exactly equally so that they don't whine. Except my children are 5 and 7, and expect crazy mums / mils are a little older than that......

YANBU - totally agree with Hexagonal!

Why should OP have given her MIL flowers?!

I don't understand why you would send a mothers day card to your mother signed by both of you? she's not your DH's mother is she

Loony Mothers ABU, obviously.

But why is it my responsibility? Wouldnt it be rather rude of me to telll DH im getting hi mum flowers despite him not wanting me to, like he's some incompetent?
Actually next year i will do identikit gifting. I will probably photocopy the signature in the card.

Barking mad guilt-trippers, the pair of them ... Bunch of daffs each next year!

I autosigned the card. Even the dog got a mention . He is not the fruit of her loins either.

Sorry, I meant "you" as in "both of you".

I would not buy a present for one mum and not for the other, so your DH should have organised flowers, or a small gift for his mum.

We sign the cards from the whole family, is this wrong ?

I suppose if you knew that both mothers would be together and likely to compare notes then your DH should have arranged flowers for his mum too (knowing that your mum would be receiving some). But really, whatever happened to it being "the thought that counts"? All sounds quite childish to me.

Really don't get all this co-signing the card stoopidity, DP doesn't sign my Mum's card and I don't sign his Mum's. Madness, it's as if people WANT to be offended!

YANBU, they both sound a) mad and b) horrendously ungrateful. Next year just go out to the pub with DH.

I don't understand all this cards from the family thing-I send my mother a card from me. I wouldnt put my partner or childrens' names on it. Its up to DP whether or not he sends HIS mother a card

YANBU nor should you be worrying about it...Dh made the decision, and DH can sort it out if it's worrying him.

And tell your Mum to wind her neck in

What does your DH say about it?

Mil sounds like my mum.

Today I missed a phone call from my dad at 10.00am. I rang straight back and then my dad told me to pretend that I had just rang to wish mum Mum happy mothers day, the clear implication from him and her tone of voice was that she was upset that I hadn't rang earlier! Quite apart from the fact that I was going to se her at 1pm when she was coming round for lunch I had only just got up from my mothers day lie in.

Next year will be my first mothers day (am 8 months preg- would have thought they would have appreciated fat lady cooking and entertaining for 6 hours- yes 6, they all came 3 hours before lunch much to my surprise!) and we are definately going out.

Just say to your MIL and your mum "Yes i wanted dh to send flowers to MIL too but he didn't want to so he didn't."

Dh is annoyed, but resigned. His mum will always find a teeny something to complain about in any situation, we normally have a giggle about it.

On reflection, they're lucky i didnt stuff the daffs up their arses when i overheard them discussing my pregnancy weight gain in the other room. My mum said she thought id done well and not gained much. MIL said it had all gone to my legs 'as usual'. Hahaha not offended, shes a fatty too, although an in denial one.

How annoying and frustrating for you OP! I think both of the mums were BU. There is no way that you are in any way responsible for any of this sillyness and as for the "as a woman you ought to be in charge of the gift buying"!!! Well, that is just too much!

your MIL really said that about your "fat had gone to your legs"!!! OMFG!!!