or is mum/mil, competitive mothers day crazy mum stuff

[Dramasinpyjamas]

Mothers day, ahh, joyful time spent with our loved ones...please bear with me on essay!
This year we're a bt short on cash so I had planned just to send my mum a nice bunch of flowers to be delivered on mothers day. Dh wasnt sure what he wanted to do for his mum, I had tried to tempt him to do the same for ease but he didnt want to, thinks flowers lack thoughtfulness.
He decides a week before that he wants to take his mum out for nice lunch. Just them (pils), not me as its more money (im happy with this plan). His mum then says we cant go out without me. Im in funny position, dont want to look like a kill joy, but dont want to blow £100+. Also feels unfair going out with just one set of parents. So dh then decides few days before that we'll have them all round for lunch instead, both sets, i agree. So Dh goes to lots of effort to make everything lovely, carefully planning it all as mil is a fussy bastard bit picky eater. Day goes lovely, everything fab.

Tonight my mum calls to tell me she felt really sorry for MIL as she was clearly (not to us!?!) upset today. Apparently my dad had mentioned that mum had flowers delivered. His mum didnt. Also apparently the card writing skills of DH are substandard. I signed mine from me and dh. He just signed his 'love John x'.

MIL tends towards passive aggressive sulking anyway, and is quite mum-competitive, often saying odd things like "Im not going to be left out when you have children, oh no". mostly which i just ignore. But my mum is one of those who feels it is essential to take on everyone elses battles. sigh. Thus we get long call saying how upset MIL was, how she didnt get anything for mothers day. (uh hello, did we not give you a lovely day full of food and drink etc) and how the card didnt even come from me, just dh. (wtf?!). Apparently, mil pointed this out to my mum up the table while we were cooking, but didnt say anything to us as usual.

I also got a little dig that as the woman i should be taking on gift buying/card signing duties thus im actually to fault here.

So, aibu or are the loony mothers.

they abu as you know.
avoid avoid avoid for next year.
mil once said she knew I was pregnant when my face got fat! what have I done inviting them for dinner tomorrow??

My cards are always signed from my DD, her husband and her children. So are her IL's ones.
Why not?

I suppose because I see it as a recognition of the relationship between mother and child rather than say, a birthday card, when I'd sign from everyone including dogs,cats, etc

I sign Mothers Day cards from me and DH. I have done for years. We have been together 25 years and he gets on better with his mother the less he sees of here.
Also my Mum told me a long time ago that the cards should be from both of us, I cant remember her reasoning but it must have been sound as I have done it ever since.

Well Tbh I can see why MIL feels a little upset. Your mum got the flowers AND lunch. And she gets just lunch. The card, I'm not really sure is worth getting worked up about. From my point of view (and I will probably be flamed for this) when you become a couple, you become a family unit taking on each other's extended family pretty much as your own. So it's important to try and treat them as equally as possible, particularly once you have children otherwise all sorts of resentment can start.

As said earlier your DM should wind her neck in. It's nohing to do with her or you what your DH gets his Mum for Mothers Day. MIL should not even be moaning - anything she gets is a gift, you can't ask for a gift (well you shouldn't).

Why would a card to your Mum have DH's name on? She is not his Mum, and vice versa.

Well, I can see how your mil would feel hurt if she was overlooked in the present dept., since your mum mentioned her flowers. But if I were mil, I would never have mentioned feeling left out, but felt secretly hurt that your mum was remembered but I was not. It would have felt like favoritism. Again, I would not have mentioned it to anyone. This is your dh's fault though, not yours. He cannot think it is ok to buy one mum something and not the other, then have them both over that day!

She needs to know that this is because you had already ordered your mum flowers and your dh said flowers show a lack of thoughfulness. (weirdo/flower hater )That you wanted to send her some but he said no.

BTW, I love receiving flowers. I rarely get them from dh or ds's. Dh always says the same tired joke "I gave you a garden full of flowers"
Yeah, he paid for a lot of the garden, but I am the one who created it!

He does give me flowers occasionally when I am having health problems, or return from a trip, but not birthday, mothers day anniversary of valentines day.

Your dh screwed it up, he didn't mean to, but he did.

I'll give you a funny on mothers!

Going back some odd 25 years, my brother was living with a girl and my mum took me to one said and said 'hmmmph, she always signs the cards, I want a card from my son".....fast forward a few years to when DH and I got together, I made sure that he always signed any cards to his family, on the premis that mothers would get upset! Only to be taken to one side by BIL to be asked why it wasn't me that signed cards, in a tone that implied I had IL issues (I didn't).

People always fond something to complain about

Theyre all nuts arent they!

I'm firmly in the 'its your dh mum and therefore none of your business what he does or doesn't do for her for mothers day' camp.

I honestly have no idea what dh did / didn't do for mil apart from that we took her out for lunch as she was staying with us this weekend.

If dh forgot and mil came moaning to me then I'd tell her (politely) that she needs to speak to him as she is not my mum and its his responsibility.

I would be saying the same to your mum.